Lonely Times
It is times like these when you realize the only person you can always rely upon is simple - yourself.
Sometimes I would wonder why I never trust anyone; why I always held back, never getting too close, or allowing anyone else to get close to me. I couldn't; I wouldn't.
As a person abandoned by her own parents, raised in lonely solitude; it's all I have ever known. After what's happened to me recently, I gather it has simply been a protective mode of living. If people don't get too close, then they cannot hurt you. That isn't really true. Now a veritable stranger has hurt me beyond measure. Still, I am alone with no one to turn to for comfort, no shoulder to cry on...I can't help but to wonder why.
I've never been through something like this. I've endured so many hardships in life, been taken advantage of in different ways - but nothing like this. For the first time in my life, it's hard to find a reason to smile. It's hard to look forward toward the future. It's hard to find joy in those small things that brightened my life every single day. The sunshine on my face, the wind in my hair, the birds come to greet me every morning...woodpecker, golden finch, cardinal, and jay. Now I just want to lay in bed and cry. I don't want to face anyone or anything. This isn't me. Not at all. I love people. I love talking and smiling.
How long will it take to recover? I wish I could just snap my fingers and forget.
Sometimes I would wonder why I never trust anyone; why I always held back, never getting too close, or allowing anyone else to get close to me. I couldn't; I wouldn't.
As a person abandoned by her own parents, raised in lonely solitude; it's all I have ever known. After what's happened to me recently, I gather it has simply been a protective mode of living. If people don't get too close, then they cannot hurt you. That isn't really true. Now a veritable stranger has hurt me beyond measure. Still, I am alone with no one to turn to for comfort, no shoulder to cry on...I can't help but to wonder why.
I've never been through something like this. I've endured so many hardships in life, been taken advantage of in different ways - but nothing like this. For the first time in my life, it's hard to find a reason to smile. It's hard to look forward toward the future. It's hard to find joy in those small things that brightened my life every single day. The sunshine on my face, the wind in my hair, the birds come to greet me every morning...woodpecker, golden finch, cardinal, and jay. Now I just want to lay in bed and cry. I don't want to face anyone or anything. This isn't me. Not at all. I love people. I love talking and smiling.
How long will it take to recover? I wish I could just snap my fingers and forget.