Control
Soooooooo, apparently I can't leave the house after dark - unless I'm going to be with him. AND - I have to have his permission beforehand to leave while he's sleeping. I wonder if he's serious. Oh who cares, certainly not I. People have said that from the outside it appears as if he doesn't love me. I may be inclined to agree - if he were an American man. Fortunately(?) for me, he is not. Therefore, I can honestly say that I KNOW he is indeed in love with me. That might actually be the problem here. Culturally, he is very different. His behavior is in his blood. I think that although sometimes our differences get in the way - they also bring out other brighter qualities in one another. I know that most of what I say to people is not always positive. Most of us gripe about our differences, and fail to share those most precious moments that remind us why we fell in love in the first place. I've moved past the point where I want to be taken care of - been there done that - and it was absolute hell. Most of us have been through hell in relationships. I've been through the ringer in this one as well, but we've spent a lot of time learning how to get over the humps and deal with each other. I know I'm not an easy person to get along with, and he knows the same about himself. We work hard to understand each other, and our love overcomes the hurdles we are faced with. No, he's not paying all of the bills, but he would if I asked him to. That's what matters to me. He absolutely loves the children - and they love him too. He cooks for me every day (a really big deal), and he lets me all up in his business (a really really HUGE deal!) I put up with a lot to make it to this point - and so did he. Neither of us is willing to let go - and we've both been quite guilty of violating each others trust. It seems we are always treading such a thin line - but it must have diamond strength because as much as we both test it, it never breaks and for that I am grateful. Yes, sometimes I feel like I hate him, but even in the midst of the haze of anger - the love is always there.