Finding Freedom in Twos - Chapter 3 Part 2
Title: Finding Freedom in Twos
Summary: In the Aftermath of "The First Time" Sebastian takes care of Kurt with the help of Brittany and Santana. They decide to help Kurt along with deciding to break up with Blaine. At the same time Sebastian tries to show Kurt that he is desirable.
Rating: M
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Abusive relationship, attempted non-con, Blaine as the bad-guy
Other Pairings: Klaine at the beginning
Beta: shadowwanderer (my sister)
Artist: Alexbly
Word-count: 22 380
A/N: Huge thanks to my sister, who jumped in to beta-read for me, when none of the betas who signed up here, who I wrote, answered the messages I sent to them. Also, kudos, hugs and thanks to Alexbly for the wonderful art. ^^
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three Part 1 | Chapter Three Part 2 | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Epilogue
Chapter Three Part 2
A new song started up and Sebastian listened to a moment before saying, “I want you to listen really close to the lyrics of this song. Maybe you’ll figure out where I’m coming from.”
“I don’t think I recognize it.”
“Why am I not surprised? It’s ‘We Weren’t Born To Follow’ by Bon Jovi. Too rock for you?”
Kurt blushed. “No! I know Bon Jovi! I just… didn’t know this song!”
Sebastian decided to sing along softly into Kurt’s ear as they danced,
“This one goes out to the one who mines for miracles
This one goes out to the ones in need
This one goes out to the sinner and the cynical
This ain’t about no apology
This road was paved by the hopeless and the hungry
This road was paved by the winds of change
Walking beside the guilty and the innocent
How will you raise your hand when they call your name?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
“We weren’t born to follow
Come on and get up off your knees
When life is a bitter pill to swallow
You gotta hold on to what you believe
Believe that the sun will shine tomorrow
And that your saints and sinners bleed
We weren’t born to follow
You gotta stand up for what you believe
Let me hear you say yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah
“This one’s about anyone who does it differently
This one’s about the one who cusses and spits
This ain’t about our livin’ in a fantasy
This ain’t about giving up or givin’ in
Yeah, yeah, yeah”
As the music continued in the background Sebastian asked, “Are you really going to bow down to Blaine? Are you really going to deny yourself and just follow? Because you could be a leader. Go your own way and people will follow you. You’re feisty and sassy around me, but you’re a servant to Blaine. What do you really want to be - a servant or yourself?”
“I… I want… I don’t know,” came Kurt’s strangled reply. “You’ve told me so much tonight. I can’t… I have to digest it.”
“Do you or do you not want to be true to yourself? Do you or do you not want to be yourself?”
“Yes, I do, but…”
“Then there are no buts. You start standing up for yourself. You don’t let Blaine tell you what to do. You don’t let anyone tell you what to do. If Blaine can handle you not following his every whim, then you can go ahead and keep him, for all I care, but don’t change yourself just so that he likes you more. That’s not a relationship.”
Kurt snapped, “As if you know anything about relationships.”
“I know enough to know that there has to be a balance of giving and taking and that is obviously not the case here.”
“I should go.” Kurt tried to move out of their entanglement.
Sebastian held him closer. “Promise me you won’t be a servant to his every whim anymore, that you’ll be your own person from now on.”
“I… I can’t!”
“Promise me.”
“I’ll try.”
“Do it. Don’t try.”
“What, are you some kind of gay yoda now?”
Sebastian quipped, “No, if I was, I’d have said, ‘Do or do not there is no try.’”
“I’ll do my best, but I can’t promise anything.”
“That’s why you have your girls there. They’ll watch out for you.”
“Kiss me again? I want to remember what it feels like.”
“Blaine not a good kisser, eh? Okay, then, one more for the road.”
Sebastian leaned down slightly and Kurt leaned upwards. He felt the same familiar warmth coursing through his body. He felt the familiar, dizzy feeling and how his pants grew tighter. He decided that he really liked kissing someone taller than him. He’d never had this feeling of safety, of being taken care of, with Blaine before. It scared him knowing how much he wanted it: how much he wanted to feel secure and safe; how close and yet different an embrace could be to the type his father always gave him. This was so much more intimate. His father’s embraces made him feel secure, loved and cherished. This embrace with Sebastian made him feel secure, loved and wanted.
His heart skipped a beat as he fully understood. Blaine didn’t really want him. He wanted someone. Anyone would do. He didn’t care if it was Kurt. And that was why things with Sebastian were so much more intense. Because, at that moment, Sebastian was devoted only to him.
Sure, Kurt knew that Sebastian would probably be picking up another guy the moment he left, but he felt the other teenager’s arousal against his own. He knew that he was the cause of it. He knew that Sebastian wanted only him at that moment and was focused on him.
He suddenly realized that the way to Sebastian’s heart was to keep him focused on you, to not let his attention wander, to tease him until he was so consumed with you that he couldn’t think of anything, or anyone, else. He had a one-track mind and that would be so easy to exploit… but Kurt didn’t want to.
A year ago, Kurt wouldn’t have had any compunctions in using this realization to get a hot boyfriend. After all, hadn’t he tried to do the same to Finn? But he couldn’t do that to Sebastian: not after he’d taken care of him like this, shown him that he could be wanted; not knowing how scared Sebastian was of being hurt. He wouldn’t go after Sebastian, no matter how good he made him feel. He cared about the other boy too much for that.
As they pulled out of the kiss, their eyes met. Sebastian’s pupils blown, out of focus. Kurt imagined he must look similar. Kurt whispered into Sebastian’s ear, “I know how to make the wild wolf tame, but I won’t, because he deserves to be free. Goodnight.” Kurt kissed Sebastian once more, chastely, before peeling the other teenager’s hands off his ass. He found himself missing the feeling almost immediately, but quickly shut down that thought. That wouldn’t do. He had to let go. This was only for one night. He couldn’t tie Sebastian’s spirit down like that. He waved at Santana and Brittany as he passed them by. They were making out while dancing quite suggestively. Neither of them took note of him.
When he’d just about reached his car, he heard Sebastian call his name and he stopped turning around to look at him. “What is it?”
“What did you mean with what you said?”
“Exactly what I said.”
“Don’t talk in riddles. I hate riddles. Give it to me plain and straight.”
“I know how to take you. I know how to get you to be mine and only mine. But I refuse to do that, because you deserve to be wild and free. You shouldn’t be tied down. Not by someone like me. I’m not going to manipulate you like that.”
At first Sebastian seemed afraid but, the more Kurt spoke, the softer the lines on his face became and a real smile blossomed. He reached out and stroked Kurt’s cheek. “Thank you. You know, given time, I think I might actually be able to fall in love with someone like you. Don’t bet on it, though.”
“Given time I might follow you on that but, before I fall for anyone else, I have to fall out of love with Blaine.”
“I’ll help you. Like I said earlier, I’ll help reveal his true character. Then you won’t be able to love him anymore.”
“And what will I do then?”
“Whatever you want.”
“I like that choice.”
“I like kissing you.”
“I don’t really mind it that much either, but we can’t. If we keep on kissing, I’ll tie you to me. I won’t let you go and… right now, I’m not in a good place.”
“You won’t tie me to you with a few kisses. Don’t worry. It’s still my decision. I’m still making my own choices. If I didn’t want to, I wouldn’t. You still have the choice to say no. It doesn’t mean anything. It’s just physical.”
“Then you could share it with any of the guys inside there just as well as with me.”
“Well, yeah, but none of them are my type.”
“It’s just physical?”
“Yes. I think you’re a good person. I don’t mind you as much as I mind most people, but I’m not about to fall head over heels in love you.”
“But you said you could.”
“Not that I would. And I don’t plan to, anyways.”
“You can’t choose who you fall in love with.”
“Oh, really? Just watch me. I’m never going to fall in love with anyone.”
“Never say never,” Kurt singsonged. He turned to walk towards his car.
A moment later, Kurt found himself being turned and pressed up against his Navigator. Familiar lips were pressed against his own. Kurt looked to see Sebastian’s green eyes staring at him. Between kisses he told him, “Don’t you dare walk away from me. Not like that. I’m so turned on I can barely hold back, as is.” Sebastian ground his groin against Kurt’s. “You’d like that, wouldn’t you, you little tease. You’d like me to take control of you, force you to feel more pleasure than you’ve ever felt before.” Kurt failed to hold back a moan. “Look at you, all innocent and wrecked, just begging for it. And I…” Sebastian closed his eyes and pulled back. “And I have to stop. Before I go too far. Go. Get away from me. I’ll go back inside and find some easy, mediocre closet-case to get off with.”
“Sebastian…” Kurt panted. “Don’t settle.”
“You don’t want that. It’s just your hormones talking. Let’s let it go. Go home. If you still want something in the morning, then give me a call.”
“I don’t have your number.”
“Then give me your phone.”
Kurt pulled his phone out of his pocket and handed it to Sebastian. “Here. And don’t put your name in as something suggestive or recognizable. My friends occasionally check my phone.”
“What kind of friends do you have?”
“The nosy kind.”
Sebastian fiddled with the phone for a moment before handing it back. “Hope that follows your prerequisites, princess. Also, I took the liberty of calling my phone, so you don’t have to worry about giving me your number.”
Kurt looked at it and giggled. “The crab? From ‘The Little Mermaid?’”
Sebastian blushed slightly, “Yeah, so? I’ve got a sense of humor.”
Kurt grinned. “I like it. Can I call you crab then, when you call me princess?”
“If you do that, I’ll call you Snow White.”
“Why Snow White?”
“She keeps letting her step-mother in to try and kill her. She keeps letting people hurt her because she loves too much. You have to earn a better name, Princess.”
“Who are you then?”
“Me? I’m Flynn Rider from Tangled.”
Kurt flirted. “What would I have to do to become Rapunzel, then?”
Sebastian quipped, “Let your hair grow out and dye it. Eat a magic flower that gives eternal youth, if you sing. Then you’d make a swell Rapunzel.”
“How do you know I don’t already have that?”
“Other than the hair?”
Kurt rolled his eyes. “Yes, other than the hair. Because I’m not doing that to my hair.”
“Because magic doesn’t exist.”
“What’s your favorite princess?”
“Jasmine. She goes her own way and doesn’t let herself be locked into her role. She’d prefer to be free and poor rather than to live in a cage of gold.”
“Then what do I have to do to become Jasmine?”
“Become your own person. Don’t let anyone or anything tie you down. Then, when you’re free, you’ll be like Jasmine.”
“In the end, she lets herself be tied down to Aladdin, though.”
“By her own choice. She said no to all the suitors until she found one she liked - and he wasn’t a stuck-up prince.”
“So I have to be free as a bird? But my canary died while I was in the Warblers. It was only after that when Blaine figured out that he loved me back. After I sang Blackbird.”
“So the moment your bird died, you took its place in a different cage. Wouldn’t you say that’s some symbolism? As long as your bird lived, you were free.”
“I thought it romantic that he fell in love with me after hearing me sing my heart out, just like how the Phantom fell in love with Christine.”
Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “You know, you have a really screwed up idea of romance, then. You keep comparing your relationship with Blaine to some of the worst relationships in musical history. But, then again, it’s fitting. Did you know that, in the book, the Phantom rapes Christine?”
Kurt shook his head. “No.”
“There’s a good reason why she didn’t choose him. He’s a murderer and psychopath. It had nothing to do with his face deformity.”
“I guess I can see that. But it’s still romantic…”
“It’s not romantic. There’s absolutely nothing romantic about a psychopathic stalker and that’s what he was.”
“How do you know so much about musicals?”
“Not about musicals per se… just a few individual ones. Okay, and maybe I enjoy watching some of the less cliché ones from time to time. But that’s it.”
Kurt grinned. “Admit it, you like musicals. You like to sing along to them as much as I do. Tell me, what musical is my first name from?”
Sebastian crossed his arms and looked away. “How should I know?”
“Admit it, you know it. Now come on, tell me.”
“I can’t imagine you running around in old curtains though.”
“I knew you’d know it. It was my mother’s favorite musical. And it’s less cliché, since it’s based on a true story. The Phantom of the Opera is kinda cliché though. So what’s the story there?”
“It’s only become cliché because of all the imitations of it. It, in of itself, is not cliché and, I kinda feel for the Phantom. He doesn’t have anyone. He’s so lonely.”
Kurt added, “And he doesn’t even get the girl. He’s just alone for all eternity.”
“In the book, he dies at the end, after sending her off to marry Raoul. I can’t stand Christine, though. She’s too malleable. She lets everyone do everything to her and doesn’t really fight back. The musical has some beautiful music, though.”
“‘All I Ask Of You’ is such a romantic song. And Raoul is Christine’s childhood sweetheart, so I guess I can understand her going for him.”
“Actually, even if she didn’t love him, in that day and age, she would have been stupid to say no to a match like that. He could take care of her. He was a nobleman. He could guarantee her a comfortable life.”
Kurt asked, “So, what’s your favorite musical?”
“Whistle Down the Wind.”
“I haven’t heard about that one.”
“It’s based off of a book. Basically, some kids think that a man who broke out of jail is Jesus. They try to protect him and offer him their most prized possessions. One of the eldest girls falls in love with him and vice versa. When the grown-ups find out where he is, they have to get past the children that are blocking the way. In the book, he surrenders; in the musical, he sets fire to the barn he’s staying in rather than go back to prison.”
“Why do you like it so much?”
“Because he’s a murderer. He’s done awful things and yet he still finds love. I love the children’s innocent belief in him. He hates himself for what he’s done and doesn’t think he’s worthy of the girl’s love and yet, to spite that, she doesn’t listen to him and chooses to love him, regardless.”
“It reminds you that everyone can find love - even the murderers. It lets you believe that, one day, you might find someone to love you like that - to spite all your flaws. Even if I could care less for the whole Christian part of it, it’s a beautiful story. I wish I could see it.”
“Well, you’re out of luck there. Its American tour is long since finished. I’m sure you know some of the songs though, at least. Boyzone did a cover of the song ‘No Matter What’ from it.”
Kurt’s eyes grew wider. “I know that song! My mom always sang it to me when I was little, before she died. Thinking back, I think it was her trying to tell me that it’s okay for me to be different, to be gay. No matter what people call us or do to us, it isn’t wrong.”
Sebastian sang,
“No matter what they call us
However they attack
No matter where they take us
We’ll find our own way back.”
Kurt joined in,
“I can’t deny what I believe
I can’t be what I’m not
I know our love’s forever
I know no matter what”
Sebastian skipped a bit,
“No matter who they follow
No matter where they lead
No matter how they judge us
I’ll be everyone you need”
They stood there staring into each other’s eyes before Sebastian added on, “In a completely platonic way of course.”
Kurt quickly added, “Yeah, same here.”
“There’s nothing else between us.”
“Nothing at all.”
Sebastian leaned in for another kiss. “Goodnight, Kurt.”
“Goodnight Sebastian.” Kurt tried to unlock his Navigator, only to wince when he realized that he’d left it unlocked all this time. He was lucky that no one had gotten into it.
He got inside and watched as Sebastian headed back into the bar. He didn’t understand himself. Why was it that, when Blaine had been all over him, he’d been scared? Just now, he’d been held in an even more compromising position by Sebastian and all he’d felt was turned on. Blaine was his boyfriend. Shouldn’t it have been the opposite? Then again, he could trust Sebastian. He’d shown that over and over again that night. Blaine, on the other hand, he couldn’t trust, no matter how much he wanted to. That night had proven that to him. Sebastian pulled back on his own accord. Blaine didn’t and that was the difference.
Kurt realized that Brittany, Santana and Sebastian were right. He had to break up with Blaine. Then again, maybe the two of them could save their relationship in time. Maybe he just had to give him another chance. After all, Blaine had been drunk and, when he was drunk, he did stupid things - like make out with girls and get confused about his sexuality. One thing was for certain though - he was not going to sleep with Blaine until he knew for certain if he was going to stay with him or not. Kurt was going to stop walking on eggshells around Blaine. He was going to be himself again - sass and all. If the guy couldn’t deal with that, then the relationship didn’t have any future, anyways.
His resolution made, Kurt got into his car and drove home.
Next Chapter