Finding Freedom in Twos - Chapter 2
Title: Finding Freedom in Twos
Summary: In the Aftermath of "The First Time" Sebastian takes care of Kurt with the help of Brittany and Santana. They decide to help Kurt along with deciding to break up with Blaine. At the same time Sebastian tries to show Kurt that he is desirable.
Rating: M
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Warnings: Abusive relationship, attempted non-con, Blaine as the bad-guy
Other Pairings: Klaine at the beginning
Beta: shadowwanderer (my sister)
Artist: Alexbly
Word-count: 22 380
A/N: Huge thanks to my sister, who jumped in to beta-read for me, when none of the betas who signed up here, who I wrote, answered the messages I sent to them. Also, kudos, hugs and thanks to Alexbly for the wonderful art. ^^
Chapter One | Chapter Two | Chapter Three Part 1 | Chapter Three Part 2 | Chapter Four | Chapter Five | Chapter Six | Epilogue
Chapter Two
Kurt sat huddled next to his car in the parking lot of Scandals, where he’d slumped after his altercation with Blaine. He could feel the bruises forming where Blaine had grasped him too tightly. He felt numb. He didn’t want to believe what had just happened. He didn’t want to acknowledge that Blaine had almost forced him to have sex with him.
Kurt wondered if it was just the alcohol. Maybe it was the alcohol bringing out his true character. Maybe Santana and Brittany were right. Blaine had seemed to thrive on the attention Sebastian had showered him with. He’d enjoyed it so much that he’d practically ignored Kurt. The moment he’d paid attention to him, though, he’d deigned to return it. Kurt’s heart clenched at the thought. Were his own thoughts betraying him now? Santana had poisoned them with her words. That had to be it. And yet, could it be that his subconscious had realized that she was right?
Kurt clenched his legs close to himself and rocked himself slightly. Surely that couldn’t be. Blaine was a good person. He had to be. He’d always been such a dapper gentleman and he was so kind to date a prude like Kurt. Kurt knew that he wasn’t sexy. Blaine had told him so. If he threw what he had with Blaine away, then he’d be left with nothing. No one else would want him; but was having someone really worth this pain in his chest?
He was only slightly shocked as he felt a sting on his cheek and reached up with his fingers, only to find them wet with tears and a little blood. Where was the blood from? His brain started to feel fuzzy and he shivered.
It seemed to be from a great distance that he heard a familiar voice call for him. It wasn’t using his name, but somehow he knew the voice meant him.
Suddenly, there was a warm hand on his forehead. He heard someone say something about shock. Then he or she started singing softly and sweetly, caressing the side of his face. He felt the overwhelming numbness begin to subside. He blinked a few times as he looked up into concerned green eyes. He knew them. He’d seen them that day, but whose were they?
“Gay face? You hear me?”
Kurt slurred slightly, “Name’s Kurt. Kurt Elisabeth Hummel.”
That earned him a laugh. “You actually have a girl’s name for your middle name? How cliché. And here I thought you couldn’t become more of a stereotype.”
Kurt mumbled, “Mom’s name. Took her name after her funeral.”
The green eyes widened slightly. “Crap. I’m sorry. Now, Kurt, is there anyone I can call for you?”
“Satan.”
“I was being serious.”
“Call Satan… Santa… Santana.”
“Okay. I’ll have to dig your phone out of your pocket though, okay?” Kurt just blinked at him. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
Kurt felt a hand near his groin and he automatically jerked away, feeling a few of the rocks on the ground scrape his skin. Oh, so that’s where the cut came from. It came from the gravel Blaine had kicked up in his frustration. He felt the familiar numbness descend again.
The voice cooed gently to him as the hand near his groin didn’t touch it, but instead touched his pocket to pull out something that Kurt suddenly found to have been uncomfortable. He felt safe with the hand that was rubbing the palm of his hand. The person asked him several times for his password before Kurt was finally able to dredge up the energy to answer. He closed his eyes to rest them for a moment.
A bit later, he heard the voice talking into his IPhone. He wondered for a moment why, until he remembered that it was calling Santana. She would know what to do. She’d handle things. He could trust her. If the voice was talking with her, that meant that it was alright. After all, if it wasn’t, then Santana wouldn’t be talking to it… him. The voice was male. He knew that. Of course he did… kind of.
When the voice stopped talking, Kurt opened his eyes again. Things seemed clearer now as his vision was becoming less tunneled. He took note of the popped collar on the other boy’s polo shirt and inwardly winced at it before looking away, unable to look at the atrocity anymore.
It was about at that moment that he realized he was sitting on the ground next to his car in a parking lot in some of his favorite clothes. He felt panic building inside himself again as his mind started to bring back the reason why he was sitting there. He pushed himself back further against his Navigator - his sanctuary - and drew his legs up tighter to his chest as he shook harder. For a moment, a pair of brown eyes superimposed themselves over the green ones and he sniffled. A single word left his mouth, “Blaine.”
“Do you want me to call Blaine, too?” the other voice asked. The difference in tones was strong enough to bring back the green eyes.
Kurt shook his head. “No Blaine. Please. No Blaine…” A shiver passed though him. He didn’t want to see Blaine again. At least not if he was drunk. Kurt liked him when he was sober… most of the time. No, he liked him all of the time. He was his boyfriend. He was supposed to always like him. Blaine had always emphasized that Kurt needed to love him as he was all the time… but could he love this side of him? Kurt didn’t understand how to, even though he knew he should.
He flinched as a large hand came to rest on his knee. The familiar voice asked, “Kurt, did Blaine do something to you?” Kurt’s eyes widened. The voice grew in volume. “What the hell did he do?”
Kurt tried to flinch back, but was met with the cold metal of his car instead. He frantically tried to defend his boyfriend, as a good boyfriend should, “He didn’t mean to! He was just trying to be spontaneous. And I… I didn’t want that. I shouldn’t have said no to him. It’s my fault… really! I want things to mean something. I don’t want… but I should. I’m a teenage boy. I’m supposed to,” he rambled.
“What did he do?” The voice demanded.
“I know I’m not sexy. He’s told me that countless times before. I’m cute, adorable, but not sexy. I get why he has to be drunk to want me. But then I don’t want him. And I should. I won’t get better. But dad said it should matter. And I’m so scared. I was so scared of him.”
“Kurt, tell me, what did he do?” The man demanded, face stoic, one hand on Kurt’s knee and the other on his shoulder. “Tell me.”
“He wanted to have sex in the back seat of my car.”
The green eyes grew cold. “That bastard. Santana will be here soon and then I’ve got a little ex-birdie to fry.”
Kurt shook his head. “No, please, he didn’t mean it. He was just trying to be spontaneous and fun. In the end, he took no for an answer.”
“In the end?” the other guy asked incredulously. “What aren’t you telling me? Tell me, what did that bastard do?!”
“I told you! Please, don’t make me say it again!”
“You told me the vague details: you didn’t tell me anything specific. Tell me now so I can decide if I should kill him or not!”
Kurt heard a car pull up and two people get out. He shook his head. He didn’t want to think about it. “I don’t want to think. I don’t want to remember! Please!”
“Tell me!”
“Dolphin!” came a familiar female voice that made all his tension disappear. He soon found himself enveloped in the soft arms of his ex-girlfriend. “Are you okay, dolphin?”
Kurt pressed his eyes closed. He tried to say that he was fine, that he was happy, but nothing would come out. Finally he shook his head. This time, he was aware enough to feel the tears coursing down his face.
He heard Santana talking with the boy in the background, “So, you’re Sebastian. Thanks for calling me.”
Brittany asked, “Sebastian? Aren’t you a crab? Why do you look human?”
Kurt could practically feel the perplexed stare Sebastian was sending their way. Sebastian. Kurt knew the name. Finally, he remembered walking in on him flirting with Blaine in the Lima Bean and watching the two of them dancing at Scandals while he talked to Dave before… No, he wouldn’t think about it. If he ignored it, then it didn’t happen. It was just the alcohol.
Tearing himself out of his thoughts, Kurt heard the end of Santana’s question, “…happened?”
“I came out here and found him sitting on the ground like this. He was in shock and wasn’t responding to anything. It took me a while to even coax him out of it enough to get the information on who to call. From what I’ve been able to tell, though, Blaine’s the guilty party.”
“I tried to tell that boy that the hobbit was no good. If only he’d listened to me! What did that bowtie-wearing jerk do this time?”
“I’m not sure. From what I’ve been able to gather, he tried to convince Kurt to have sex with him in the backseat of his car, but there has to be more to it. If it was all just a discussion, then I can’t imagine Kurt going into shock because of it, nor can I figure out where the bruises on his hands or the cut on his face came from, but he’s not talking.”
“Okay, Crab…”
Sebastian injected indignantly, “I’m not a crab!”
Santana ignored him. “Watch and marvel at the great Auntie Snixx.” She suddenly reached out and grabbed Kurt’s hand, pulling him up, dragging Brittany along with him. “Now listen here, Lady Hummel, you are going to tell me this moment what Gel-Helmet did to you or I am going to go all Lima Heights over him. Not only that, but I’ll tell your dad everything - including the discussion we had last night. Pappa Hummel will get really upset then, won’t he? He’ll probably take out his shotgun, won’t he?”
“Please, Satan, don’t make me remember it!”
“I can’t imagine it would be good for his heart though, wouldn’t you agree? As a matter of fact, maybe all the good work for the past year will be undone. Do you want that, Porcelain?”
“No…” Kurt breathed out. “Do I have to?”
“You know I keep my promises, Kurt.”
Kurt shuddered slightly, but found comfort in Brittany’s sweet embrace. Her arms gave him the strength to tell them the nightmare he’d just lived through. He started out telling them about meeting Sebastian and agreeing to go clubbing with him. He spoke about talking to Dave while watching his boyfriend dancing with another guy. All was well and good at that point, until he reached the part where they left and tears started to trickle down his cheeks. He managed to get through it, though there were a few times when his voice almost gave up on him, but Brittany’s calm presence helped him through.
To a certain extent, Kurt wondered if she completely understood what was going on but, deep down inside, he hoped that she didn’t: that she would never have to. He did know, however, that she understood that he was hurting. She might not have the highest IQ, but he admired her EQ sometimes. As he told the story, she got more and more clingy, cuddling into his side, her head resting on his shoulder.
He continued his tale, “I wanted to put Blaine in the back seat, so he could lie down. I thought he would be less likely to puke then. He tried to get me to kiss him, but his breath reeked of alcohol. I didn’t want to and he kept trying to kiss me. I got him in the back and…” Kurt’s voice broke, “and he pulled me down on top of him. I tried to get up, get leverage somewhere, but he wouldn’t let me go. He told me we should just… do it: that we don’t need it to be something special, but… dad told me it should be: that you create a connection with it… and I didn’t want… I don’t want it to be meaningless. I want both of us to remember it. I want it to mean something. I know, I’m a romantic idiot, but I can’t…” Kurt sniffled. “I fought him, managed to get off him, but not before he tried to… grind into me.” He purposefully dropped his eyes to the ground. “We fought… argued. Blaine kicked at the gravel. Some of the rocks ended up in my face. He told me he was just trying to be spontaneous and fun. I know he didn’t mean anything mean by it. I’m not ready. Every time I get close to being ready, something happens and I lose trust in him again and… I just can’t. I don’t know if I can trust him not to hurt me. But I have to, if I want to save our relationship. But I’m just so scared.”
Santana demanded, “Where is that bastard? I swear, I’m gonna go all Lima Heights on his sorry ass!”
Kurt paled. “No, Santana! Don’t hurt him!”
Sebastian commented, “You know, I’m probably the last person you should come to for advice on this. I lost my virginity in a bathroom at a gay sports tournament. I was fourteen. Sure, it was illegal and I never saw the guy again, but damn was he good.”
Santana thought it over, “You know; Andrew McCarthy has a point. Puck was my first and he was a good lay, but the only one that actually means something to me is Brittany. She was my first girl. If I’d known the difference, I might have waited for her but, on the other hand, experience is a good thing. It’s even better if the person you’re sleeping with has experience. That means you can learn from him.”
“You want me to cheat on Blaine?” Kurt asked dismayed.
“No, I want you to break up with the little vertically challenged brat and find someone better.”
Kurt shook his head resolutely, “No. There isn’t anyone better. He loves me.”
“Who do you think he loves better, lady, you or himself? Besides, trust me, you can do much better.”
“But no one would take me other than Blaine.”
“Oh, believe me, Kurt Hummel: once I’m through with you, you’ll have to lock your doors to keep all the men out. Besides, it isn’t difficult to get a guy to sleep with you. You just gotta keep him coming back for more and you’ve got him.”
Kurt shook his head violently, dislodging Brittany. “I don’t want that! I want to at least know the guy and I want it to be special.”
“Okay, then we’ve got a good candidate right here.” She gestured at Sebastian, whose eyes narrowed.
Sebastian sneered at her and said, “As if I’d sleep with him. I don’t sleep with clingy guys. They always want more and I don’t. I tried it once and I’m never going there again. Doris Day said it best.” He sang,
“You can take the moon, gather up the stars
And the robins that sing merrily
Put ‘em in a box, tie ‘em with a ribbon
Throw ‘em in the deep blue sea
“You can take the flowers, down in lovers lane
And that sentimental poetry
Put ‘em in a box, tie ‘em with a ribbon
Throw ‘em in the deep blue sea
“Not for me, all that stuff
The dreams that ruin your sleep
Not for me, had enough
Love is one thing you can keep
“You can take the plans and the wedding bells
And whoever sings, ‘Oh, promise me’
Put ‘em in a box, tie ‘em with a ribbon
Throw ‘em in the deep blue sea
‘Cause love and I we don’t agree
The hansoms through the park, kisses in the dark
All the promises make faithfully
Put ‘em in a box, tie ‘em with a ribbon
Throw ‘em in the deep blue sea
“And you won’t go wrong if you take a song
Sung by Frankie Boy or Mr. C
Put ‘em in a box, tie ‘em with a ribbon
Throw ‘em in the deep blue sea
“Not for me, all that stuff
Not for me, had enough
‘Cause love is one thing you can keep
In the ice box
“You know what you can do with good old tea for two
And the girl for you, the boy for me
Put ‘em in a box, tie ‘em with a ribbon
Throw ‘em in the deep blue sea
‘Cause love and I we don’t agree
At all
‘Cause love and I we don’t agree.”
Kurt stared at him for a moment before a peal of laughter slipped out. Soon he found himself half-sobbing and half laughing.
Brittany asked, “Kurtsie, does Blaine make you happy? Santana makes me very happy. I don’t feel dumb around her. She makes me feel smart, alive, beautiful and desired. Does Blaine do that for you?”
Kurt was set to agree, but found that he couldn’t. The more he thought about it, the more he realized that he didn’t feel desired. He didn’t feel as if Blaine cherished him like that. Sometimes Blaine made everything seem so difficult, made Kurt feel undesirable. He finally understood what they’d been trying so hard to tell him. No, he wasn’t happy. He wasn’t being true to himself and, even if he couldn’t do better than Blaine, it was probably better than what had happened earlier.
He closed his eyes and shook his head softly. “But I love him. I know what you’re saying. I think I’m starting to understand it. But I still love him! I still love the guy who took my hand and dragged me through Dalton to sing to me. I still love the boy who told me that he’s been looking for me forever; the boy who sang me a goodbye song when I came back here; the boy who listened to me go on and on about New York, only to tell me that he loves me; the boy who changed schools just to be with me. No matter what he’s done, I still love him.”
He sang, “As long as he needs me…
Oh yes, he does need me…
In spite of what you see…
…I’m sure that he needs me.
“Who else would love him still
When they’ve been used so ill?
He knows I always will…
As long as he needs me.
“He doesn’t say the things he should
He acts the way he things he should
But all the same,
I’ll play this game
His way
“As long as he needs me…
I know where I must be.
I’ll cling on steadfastly…
As long as he needs me.
“As long as life is long…
I’ll love him right or wrong,
And somehow I’ll be strong…
As long as he needs me.
“If you are lonely
Then you will know…
When someone needs you,
You love them so.
“I won’t betray his trust
Though people say I must
I’ve got to stay true, just
As long as he needs me.”
Sebastian regarded Kurt for a moment. “But in the end Bill kills Nancy - despite her love for him. He doesn’t care about her. She’s just easy to control… at least until Oliver awakens her mothering instinct.”
Kurt blinks. “You know the musical ‘Oliver!’? I wouldn’t have expected that from you.”
A slight dusting of pink settled on Sebastian’s cheeks. “I love the book. And my uncle played the part of Mr. Bumble, so we all had to watch it.” He cleared his through. “But, anyways, that’s completely beside the point. Nancy’s relationship with Bill Sykes is a prime example of an unhealthy relationship and, if you’re comparing your relationship with Blaine to that, then you have to get out before it’s too late.”
Brittany sniffled, “I don’t want to lose my dolphin. You have the softest lips and are the best kisser of all the guys at school.”
Sebastian raised an eyebrow, “You two have kissed?”
Kurt hedged, “Long story, happened ages ago.”
Santana budged in, “It was actually quite entertaining. It was Hummel’s butch stage. Luckily, it didn’t last very long. He was wearing flannel and singing Mellencamp and everything. It was pathetic.”
“I just wanted to be the son my dad always wanted.”
“And we all heard the blow-out on that one. When it came down to it, he chose you.”
“I’m his son. He felt obligated…”
“Obligation doesn’t cover half the things your father has done for you, Kurt. Not by a long shot. Or vice versa. You have the model father, Kurt.”
“Yeah, well, he had long enough to come to terms with the fact that I’d be gay. He said he knew when I was three.”
“And he still loved you and raised you. He never cared. Sure, it would have been easier, if you were hetero, but he’d never choose for you to change. You’ll always be his first priority.”
Sebastian added, slightly wistfully, “I wish my father were more like that. I’m supposed to show up at family get-togethers and various functions to show off an image of a perfect family to everyone he knows but, at home, he never acknowledges us. Since I came out, I’ve been sent from one boarding school to the next: every year a different school; every year another summer camp to send me off to. He isn’t actively against my being gay. He just isn’t for it, either.”
Kurt reached out to hold Sebastian’s hand. “And your mother?”
“She couldn’t handle him anymore - neither his attitude nor his many mistresses. She’s living with her new family and doesn’t want anything to do with us anymore. He’s married again, too. His wife is only a few years older than I am. He picked her up as a trophy wife in China.”
Kurt offered, “My mother died when I was eight. She had leukemia. I watched her waste away. They discovered it when she was in the hospital, shortly after she’d had a miscarriage. I was six. I remember how my dad took care of her. He loved her until the day she took her dying breath. He still loves her, even if he’s moved on. Sometimes I wonder what things would have been like if I had a sibling or if my mom hadn’t died. Then I wouldn’t be the last thing remaining of her.”
Brittany smiled, “I’m sure he’d love you just as much. After all, you’re his little boy. My parents love me, too. Even if I’m sometimes slow and my little sister is a genius know-it-all, they love both of us. I’m better than her in math, though. I’m good at math.”
Santana put her foot down. “We’re getting off subject here. Kurt, you have to break up with bowties. I don’t care if you love him or not. He doesn’t treat you right.”
“I told you, I can’t break up with him. He’s my everything. Without him… I’m nothing… I have nothing. I’m just… Kurt.”
Sebastian groaned, “You’re only reminding me about why I don’t do relationships. You’re giving him the power to destroy you. You’re giving up everything for him. What the hell does he give you in return?”
“He loves me.”
“The hell he does! Now, you listen here: alcohol doesn’t do anything but lower the inhibitions of a person. The Blaine you saw here tonight? That’s the real guy: the one hidden behind his fake persona. Is that really who you want to be with?”
“But no one else would take me!”
“Where the hell did you get that idea from?”
“I’m not sexy. No one would want me. Even Blaine had to be drunk to want me. I know I’m not attractive. I’m practically a walking stereotype.”
“And you know what? Those stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. There’s guys who think that twinks are sexy as hell. If you weren’t the clingy type, I’d totally sleep with you. Who the hell told you that you aren’t sexy?”
“Blaine. Before we started dating.”
“Okay, then we’re going to prove him wrong. We’re going back into that club and we’re going to put on a show. Everyone there will be hot for us. You’ll have your pick of any guy and you can turn them all down.” Sebastian grabbed Kurt’s hand and started dragging him along back to the bar.
Kurt argued back, “But I don’t know what to do!”
“Just follow my lead, honey: I’ll show you everything you need to know.”
“But I’m a mess! And what about Brittany and Santana?”
“They’re a lesbian couple. They can come in as well. It’s not as if they’ll actually check their IDs anyway.”
Santana shrugged, “I’ve got our fake IDs with us anyway. Let’s get rocking.”
“I’m still a mess!” Kurt insisted.
Sebastian sighed and stopped. “Okay, then, we’ll make it look intentional.” He ruffled Kurt’s hair and the remaining hairspray helped it stay in the position Sebastian put it in. Kurt glared at him, but allowed Sebastian to work on his hair.
Brittany looked at him critically for a moment. “Something’s missing…” She pulled some liquid black eyeliner out of her bag and applied it. She looked at him for a moment before nodding. “Yes, that’s good. Now, let’s go. I want to dance.”
Kurt reluctantly let himself be dragged back inside.
Next Chapter