..
...I need to vent. Maybe I am blind, maybe I am stupid.
What did I do?
What am I doing to make him so angry? How can I even tell when it could be anything?
Is it this? This journal? Him wanting it deleted or gone?
I only have it as a place to vent because I can't access the one he made for us. If that even still exists. Does he want a new one? Something that isn't this? Is it Lexi? Is it the world? I don't know!
Why can't he just be clear about it? This is our problem. Communication. I need to know specifics. I need to know what it is that bothers him, so I don't make the same mistakes over and over again that make him so upset. It's not that I'm stupid. It's just. I've learned it could be anything when it comes to him since he doesn't trust me. And since he doesn't tell me, I'm left groping in the dark.
This is so hard. I'm not even mad at him. I just feel despair. Am I not seeing something? Am I really -that- oblivious? It's killing me, if I am, I don't know.
I just. Need to know what goes on in your head. I need to get familiar with these things. I need to learn. I have to. It's important to me that I understand you better...
I love loving him. And it hurts. But that's my price to pay.
What did I do?
What am I doing to make him so angry? How can I even tell when it could be anything?
Is it this? This journal? Him wanting it deleted or gone?
I only have it as a place to vent because I can't access the one he made for us. If that even still exists. Does he want a new one? Something that isn't this? Is it Lexi? Is it the world? I don't know!
Why can't he just be clear about it? This is our problem. Communication. I need to know specifics. I need to know what it is that bothers him, so I don't make the same mistakes over and over again that make him so upset. It's not that I'm stupid. It's just. I've learned it could be anything when it comes to him since he doesn't trust me. And since he doesn't tell me, I'm left groping in the dark.
This is so hard. I'm not even mad at him. I just feel despair. Am I not seeing something? Am I really -that- oblivious? It's killing me, if I am, I don't know.
I just. Need to know what goes on in your head. I need to get familiar with these things. I need to learn. I have to. It's important to me that I understand you better...
I love loving him. And it hurts. But that's my price to pay.