SQUEALS season TWO
Hell on Wheels 8 THE LORD’S DAY aka MORE LIKE YOUR MOMMA, YO?
Lanterns. Morning. Clouds. Track. Dead engine? ZOMBIE TOOLE and BO NOT MONK are working on infernal machine. And it’s Sunday. TOOLE would rather be working than greeted by an empty tent. Before that goes very far, but not before he learns that yeah, BNM knows the sitch, LILY BELL comes riding up on a horse, bringing B’s lunch. NO! Even better. Some real tools. She knows the way to a man’s…fill in the blank. She informs them DURRRR is on the train headed back. New spleen for the win? And she feels she hasn’t done sheet to help with RR. Um. Eh? BO HUNK disagrees. D’aw. They’ll see each other LAY-ERS.
Snap your fingers, it’s the opening.
Sun. E. EL. is trying to make a chimney. BEFORE THE HOUSE. Me thinks he is all kindsa backwards. So does POSSE, who ambulates on up and tells him how bad he is at building. Asks why he even bothers. Wait - did he just say something about saggy titted women and screaming babies? Did E. EL. just say, “Yeah, sumpin’ like’ at.” THEY SO DID. FINE DEN. WHATEVS. You try nursing and…NEVER MIND.
Um. Yeah. So, back to trains. Sean BOO. He goes to talk to WASTED Mickey, who is spending all the money on being a BIGGEST LOSER and not of body fat. Sean asks for his share of $$$. Say he needs it for DURRRR and land grants, or whatever. They have some not nice words. Mickey gets uppity. (Et tu, Mickey?) Boys are boys and have rivalry.
LB is still on horse, back in what passes for town. Not happy, our LB. Not happy to see TRAIN that is. Inside train is DURRRR. Dressed up and with obvious belly bulge, is DC. This means time has passed, yo? That babe may pop out next week. IT COULD HAPPEN. Anyway. DURRRR thanks her and gives her envelope, which usually means BO_KOO $$$ (or legal document. Or Dear John. This time I bet on $$$). He also says if she EVER need anything…
Now, he must walk out under his own power, so as not to look like the pansy ass McDrama Queen he is. But before he goes…OH! He finally said yes to milk of poppy. Aka, OPIUM, yo?
Meanwhile, or sometime or other, who can tell, LB walks into the orifice, and sees NO SWEDE at DURRRR’s desk, and tells him as much. He also has DURRRR’s private letters. Think she writes purple prose? You know, RILLY RILLY PURPLE? Hem. NS says he was ordered to. On whose authoritaaay? Well, we hear woman’s voice. OMGERD! DURRRR’s WIFEY. Older version of LB. (You SO know it.)
Dun dun…
DURRRR is outside. And hit me over the head with big time SYMBOLISM, show. WHITE HORSE. Paranoia. Coffin. DURRRR is SUCH A JUNKIE. He briefly speaks to Sean boo. Says something about tigers and two men being eaten by tigers, and I think it is a drug induced threat? Sean thinks so. He also decides not to ask for clarification. I feel this is prudent. DURRRR then sees WIFEY and LB through window, and does the most obvious thing for DURRRR to do.
HIDES!
But we hear something from HANNA BANNANA (WIFEY) about seeing LB at dinner. OH! HOH! That should be rich.
But now to BO HUNK on horse. Where he should always, always be. Except when he’s not. He sees DURRRR, who asks him about progress on bridge. Not finished. DURRRR says well den, for your sins, you must come to dinner with HANNA BANNANA and I. AND LILLY BELL is your escort. UNNNNNNDERSTAND!?
“…Yep.”
And dress nice, with a shirt and everything!
“…kay.”
Fleas are like, oh crap. Do we have shirts? We still don’t even have hats! So gonna quit this show, mang!
Back to POSSE and E. EL. sitting on what there is of a floor but no house. And half, no, make that a quarter of a chimney. Didn’t stop them from having a fire. POSSE tells E. EL. he’d be the best father for that bebe, because it’ll be like him, and same same should stay same same because they understand same same.
Got it?
Cut to ZOMBIE TOOLE having dinner with DC and she’s talking about CHEE CA GO and the tall buildings. He says taller ones in NYC. She wants to go. He say maybe. If bebe come out right. Which means white. She say, “I thought you’d set that aside, Mr. Toole.” (Why call husband MISTER??? They into BDSM or something?) He say, “My brother won’t.” So brother is in NYC. Right. So don’t go there! She say something about leaving HoW, cause errbody knows. He say…maybe.
Seems she’s chosen a TOOLE.
NIGHT. Because that’s how we roll on show. Whoa. BH is all dudded up. Even LB gives him goofy smirk and laughs. She wasn’t expecting that. Neither were we. Hair all slicked back and err ‘tang.
HANNA BANNA and DURRRR are talking about LB but the devil shows up and BH and LB are shown inside. Everyone singsong it. “Aww-kwarrrd.” But BH smirks. Tee hee. So do the fleas (who are in a time-share with LB’s hat) but of course, no one can see this but other fleas.
NO SWEDE. What’s he - OH! He’s messing’ with the engine that BO NOT MONK and TOOLE were working on in the beginning. LOKI throwing a wrench into things.
But back at dinner, HANNA BANNANA is ignoring LILY BELL. Ancient society trick. She is very arrogant, and can you say ICE QUEEN? Meanwhile, DURRRR is wasted. Sure it’s a good idea to drink wine on top of that horse, DURRRR? He looks vv confuzzled. Someone says something about TATES. Guess they were famous in their minds. Wait whut? BO HUNK was married to HEIRESS (Sharon!?) TATE and…suddenly he is deft with a fork, yo? Also, has posh southern accent. Like BILL COMPTON. Sort of. If you know what I mean. If not, NEVER MIND.
We is all, WTF? But nice way to put the uppity ups in their place, yo? Well now, seems our NOT MONK’s fahthah laid the first track in…somewhere. I’m distracted, he’s so high society, it turns out. Who knew our BO HUNK was secretly very high bred? I didn’t see that coming, did you see that coming? If you did, YOU LIE.
LILY BELL gets up and excuses herself. Can’t blame her. She done been snubbed hard. BH offers to escort her, she says no. HANNAH B worms her way into that offer instead.
So they are walking, and BH tries to talk her up, being polite. HANNA BANNANA knows about the affair. BH defers. Good man. She asks why he hides his true background. He defers, no surprise. She then tells him to be careful whom he hangs out with, after he tries to find out if LB has a job, still. Says her gut says he is the FUTURE of the RR. HB leaves, and he looks like he wants to voms. And rips off his Colonel Sanders tie, because this is the RR, and not CHICKEN FARM. Though he does have a ROOSTER…
So. What I assume is next day. BO HUNK struts into orifice, takes hat off, tosses hair. Someone get him a barrette, he’s been doing that a lot. He starts to talk to LB, who is sitting, looking dejected, but DURRRR calls him into HIS orifice. Office, office! HB and DURRRR are both in there, wanting to know estimate for finish of bridge. BH tries to have them call in LB (d’aw) but NO. They not having that. They have shut door in her face! So BH is all, well, two weeks. Cause, you know, SUE BOYS, broken shit, cray cray PDP’s and stuff…They all, NO! One week is what you got! We way behind!
BH is like…WTF? Yeah, they want doable bridge. You know, just doable. DOABLE. BO HUNK looks HANNA BANNANA dead in the eye and is all, “Oh, fine. I’ll drive a car across MY DAMN SELF.” And prolly die. But that’s how I roll, cause you don’t scurr me, betch.
He leaves. And I’m telling you, miss frosty knickers might have experienced a little thaw, when he looked her in the eye. POWER OF THE GRISWOLD, y’all. Phear it! Or just stroke it and hope it purrs. I vote the latter.
Cut to - WTF? Sean tries to propose to RUTH. Yeah. That didn’t go well. Rather sudden, we agree.
But now to bridge. They heaving and such, and BH barking orders, oh lawdy, and they are using that steam engine, and…a ways away, BH sees…LOKI MAN OH NOES. NO! Stop using machine. STOP I SAY! You see him there, it is blatant OMEN. ERMAHGERD why does no one listen to me!
Sure enough, engine is smoking, and BAM. Some shite comes lo0se and I duck. I mean srsly, it came right at me! Even worse, it about took away our GRISWOLD.
That there is a reason to RIOT! Though it did get BH on his back. We like that.
LOKI rides off. Pleased. FUDGER.
All hell breaks loose, shit falls, crushes people mass hysteria. People are SQUASHED, yo? Even the fleas are grossed out.
Cut to them all being hauled into what passes for town, on train. BH orders TOOLE to tear that engine apart and find out what happened. Stalks off. DC greets ZOMBIE TOOLE and is vv glad he’s okay. E. EL. sees this. She sees him seeing. He sees her. He walks away.
People are terrible hurt, BH tells DURRRR, but DURRRR just blames it all on BH. Whut? But then BH has moment of diarrhea of the mouth and lets slip about the fraud. (You know that was pillow talk with him and LB.) Way to go, HUNK. For reall, are you DAFT? DURRRR strops inside, and BH douses hisself with bucket of water, not warning fleas, who are raising several hundred fists at him as we speak. Soggy ones.
Cut! ODD JOB rides up, and has gone back native, LIKE I SAID HE WOULD. Finds RUTH. Blah blah, he brought her food. (Dead rabbits.) Said he saw WHITE SPIRIT. (We know whom!) And tells her she should leave bad place. MICKEY BOO sees this from across the dirt.
Now cut to BO HUNK asking TOOLE if he found out what was wrong with that engine. BO HUNK goes to it, pulls out NOW THAT’S A KNIFE (that killed PDP) and scrapes out an orc horn?? Okay, MUMBLER. Anyway, it’s some penny. NORWEGIAN penny. Yeah, JOKER left his calling card, er, metal. So this makes BO…BATMAN!?
I can’t keep up some days. Pass me another drink, I’ll get this.
So! Now we have LB talking to DURRRR, though really he’s just trying to brush her off. She won’t let him. She speaks of what they did together, and what she’s done for the RR, and he is all, “How did BOOOOO hannon know about the fraud. Did you LAY with him? DID YOU!” sorry. I must giggle. LAY WITH HIM? She did more than lay, buddy. Maybe she LAID there with YOU, but hah…ahaha…ehem. I don’t know why he’s all upset, anyway. HIPPYCRIT. He blows her off. Limps away. That new spleen isn’t broken in, yet.
Now, whatever you think about the affair, don’t you feel a little sorry for her? She didn’t deserve that. IT TAKES TWO.
But back to iBOOS. Mickey, who is STILL DRUNK, enough to rival DRUNK MONK, refuses Sean his share. Gives him just enough to maybe appease junkie DURRRR. Mickey is like, oh, your plan backfired, you counted on DURRRR dying, and then you gave away all that stuff! And then it’s all FIGHT! And Mickey says he saw RUTH with ODD JOB, and if you don’t believe me, ASK HER. ERR BODY KNOWS BUT YOU!
Sad times for BOOS, y’all.
Not to E. EL. with DURRRR, who he says I QUIT YOU. Hah! But DURRRR tears up his deed! That’s cold, mang. DURRR tells E. EL. that the onliest way to leave the RR is DEAD, or walk through injun territory. Same as dead. Say he OWN ALL, so you ain’t got no land.
Wow. What a BETCH. Have some more DRUGS, DURRRR.
E. EL. stands up for hisself, and I say good. Even uppity E. EL. didn’t deserve that. He tells him that he ain’t gonna be his N**** no more and he wants some AR E ESS PEE EE CEE TEE!
DURRRR actually gives it to him. SCORE! Is all, okay, MISTA TIBBS.
Now. Cut to HANNA BANNANA going to LB’s caboose. Seems DURRRR is still too injured for them to share a bed. (Good excuse, GAY DURRRR) and will need a…oh, snap. She is taking LB’s caboose. Kicking her out of it. Says oh, you’ll be fine, you know your way around, eh? AROUND, EH?
That’s not right, y’all. I mean, yeah, she’s the wife, but do you think she cares about DURRRR or his MONAYYYY!? It’s the Benjamins, babay. She knows about the affair, lets LILY BELL know she knows, and has her packing. In super her-crotch-is-frosty move, even sits on the bed to WATCH LILY PACK.
C’mon, y’all. That’s some COLD SHEET. She would’ve ruled DYNASTY, amiright?
And can you blame DURRRR. Would you hit that? You might break something!
But see, it’s really because she PHEARS the power of LB’s maps. Maps will get you LONG WAY, yo? True fax. We know it.
We cut to BO HUNK being total gentleman and giving HIS caboose to LILY BELL. She says he should stay, that DURRRR knows anyway. He’s all, he THINKS he knows. She’s all, oh…he knows. He’s all, “Don’t test a man who’s jealous and afraid of dying.” Takes her chin, strokes her cheek (deft moves, cowboy) and repeats, “Don’t test a man.”
Second time for him? I don’t know. He kisses her PROPER LIKE, in maybe pop quiz before not test. The fleas run back and forth, frolicking.
He leaves.
NIGHT FALLS HARD. Drunk Sean stalks RUTH in tent. “SURPRISE!” She is scurred. He wants to know about ODD JOB. She won’t answer. Wants him to leave. This is very tense, y’all! I don’t think I like her, but I’m worried about her.Are the pigs close? But…I am so surprised. He leaves. I was so certain he was going to lose it on her completely. Hmm.
Now we cut to BO NOT MONK and he sets fire to a tent, the PYRO that he is. Ah! LOKI tent.
That’s gonna come back on him. But I applaud this move.
Cut to (I’m getting whiplash, you?) E. EL.’s almost a floor plan, and BH grabbing a piece of it to sleep on. There follows their effed up version of making up. Sort of. I think. Till next fight. But most intriguing here, is that E. EL tells BH that DURRRR asked him to do something he knows BH ain’t gonna like. BH is all, “What did you say?”
“Told him I’d think about it.”
Erum. Hmm. What do you think, Mounties? To off BO HUNK? I think no. They want him for the future. To off LILY BELL? I think it’s possible.
Or it could just be to shack up with DURRRR.
EWWWW!!!!
Until next week and a finale. Me? I lost the plot and my mind. The fleas are holding it for me.
Maybe I'll let them recap the finale, because this one sucked. OH MY GIDDY...flea farts.
Lanterns. Morning. Clouds. Track. Dead engine? ZOMBIE TOOLE and BO NOT MONK are working on infernal machine. And it’s Sunday. TOOLE would rather be working than greeted by an empty tent. Before that goes very far, but not before he learns that yeah, BNM knows the sitch, LILY BELL comes riding up on a horse, bringing B’s lunch. NO! Even better. Some real tools. She knows the way to a man’s…fill in the blank. She informs them DURRRR is on the train headed back. New spleen for the win? And she feels she hasn’t done sheet to help with RR. Um. Eh? BO HUNK disagrees. D’aw. They’ll see each other LAY-ERS.
Snap your fingers, it’s the opening.
Sun. E. EL. is trying to make a chimney. BEFORE THE HOUSE. Me thinks he is all kindsa backwards. So does POSSE, who ambulates on up and tells him how bad he is at building. Asks why he even bothers. Wait - did he just say something about saggy titted women and screaming babies? Did E. EL. just say, “Yeah, sumpin’ like’ at.” THEY SO DID. FINE DEN. WHATEVS. You try nursing and…NEVER MIND.
Um. Yeah. So, back to trains. Sean BOO. He goes to talk to WASTED Mickey, who is spending all the money on being a BIGGEST LOSER and not of body fat. Sean asks for his share of $$$. Say he needs it for DURRRR and land grants, or whatever. They have some not nice words. Mickey gets uppity. (Et tu, Mickey?) Boys are boys and have rivalry.
LB is still on horse, back in what passes for town. Not happy, our LB. Not happy to see TRAIN that is. Inside train is DURRRR. Dressed up and with obvious belly bulge, is DC. This means time has passed, yo? That babe may pop out next week. IT COULD HAPPEN. Anyway. DURRRR thanks her and gives her envelope, which usually means BO_KOO $$$ (or legal document. Or Dear John. This time I bet on $$$). He also says if she EVER need anything…
Now, he must walk out under his own power, so as not to look like the pansy ass McDrama Queen he is. But before he goes…OH! He finally said yes to milk of poppy. Aka, OPIUM, yo?
Meanwhile, or sometime or other, who can tell, LB walks into the orifice, and sees NO SWEDE at DURRRR’s desk, and tells him as much. He also has DURRRR’s private letters. Think she writes purple prose? You know, RILLY RILLY PURPLE? Hem. NS says he was ordered to. On whose authoritaaay? Well, we hear woman’s voice. OMGERD! DURRRR’s WIFEY. Older version of LB. (You SO know it.)
Dun dun…
DURRRR is outside. And hit me over the head with big time SYMBOLISM, show. WHITE HORSE. Paranoia. Coffin. DURRRR is SUCH A JUNKIE. He briefly speaks to Sean boo. Says something about tigers and two men being eaten by tigers, and I think it is a drug induced threat? Sean thinks so. He also decides not to ask for clarification. I feel this is prudent. DURRRR then sees WIFEY and LB through window, and does the most obvious thing for DURRRR to do.
HIDES!
But we hear something from HANNA BANNANA (WIFEY) about seeing LB at dinner. OH! HOH! That should be rich.
But now to BO HUNK on horse. Where he should always, always be. Except when he’s not. He sees DURRRR, who asks him about progress on bridge. Not finished. DURRRR says well den, for your sins, you must come to dinner with HANNA BANNANA and I. AND LILLY BELL is your escort. UNNNNNNDERSTAND!?
“…Yep.”
And dress nice, with a shirt and everything!
“…kay.”
Fleas are like, oh crap. Do we have shirts? We still don’t even have hats! So gonna quit this show, mang!
Back to POSSE and E. EL. sitting on what there is of a floor but no house. And half, no, make that a quarter of a chimney. Didn’t stop them from having a fire. POSSE tells E. EL. he’d be the best father for that bebe, because it’ll be like him, and same same should stay same same because they understand same same.
Got it?
Cut to ZOMBIE TOOLE having dinner with DC and she’s talking about CHEE CA GO and the tall buildings. He says taller ones in NYC. She wants to go. He say maybe. If bebe come out right. Which means white. She say, “I thought you’d set that aside, Mr. Toole.” (Why call husband MISTER??? They into BDSM or something?) He say, “My brother won’t.” So brother is in NYC. Right. So don’t go there! She say something about leaving HoW, cause errbody knows. He say…maybe.
Seems she’s chosen a TOOLE.
NIGHT. Because that’s how we roll on show. Whoa. BH is all dudded up. Even LB gives him goofy smirk and laughs. She wasn’t expecting that. Neither were we. Hair all slicked back and err ‘tang.
HANNA BANNA and DURRRR are talking about LB but the devil shows up and BH and LB are shown inside. Everyone singsong it. “Aww-kwarrrd.” But BH smirks. Tee hee. So do the fleas (who are in a time-share with LB’s hat) but of course, no one can see this but other fleas.
NO SWEDE. What’s he - OH! He’s messing’ with the engine that BO NOT MONK and TOOLE were working on in the beginning. LOKI throwing a wrench into things.
But back at dinner, HANNA BANNANA is ignoring LILY BELL. Ancient society trick. She is very arrogant, and can you say ICE QUEEN? Meanwhile, DURRRR is wasted. Sure it’s a good idea to drink wine on top of that horse, DURRRR? He looks vv confuzzled. Someone says something about TATES. Guess they were famous in their minds. Wait whut? BO HUNK was married to HEIRESS (Sharon!?) TATE and…suddenly he is deft with a fork, yo? Also, has posh southern accent. Like BILL COMPTON. Sort of. If you know what I mean. If not, NEVER MIND.
We is all, WTF? But nice way to put the uppity ups in their place, yo? Well now, seems our NOT MONK’s fahthah laid the first track in…somewhere. I’m distracted, he’s so high society, it turns out. Who knew our BO HUNK was secretly very high bred? I didn’t see that coming, did you see that coming? If you did, YOU LIE.
LILY BELL gets up and excuses herself. Can’t blame her. She done been snubbed hard. BH offers to escort her, she says no. HANNAH B worms her way into that offer instead.
So they are walking, and BH tries to talk her up, being polite. HANNA BANNANA knows about the affair. BH defers. Good man. She asks why he hides his true background. He defers, no surprise. She then tells him to be careful whom he hangs out with, after he tries to find out if LB has a job, still. Says her gut says he is the FUTURE of the RR. HB leaves, and he looks like he wants to voms. And rips off his Colonel Sanders tie, because this is the RR, and not CHICKEN FARM. Though he does have a ROOSTER…
So. What I assume is next day. BO HUNK struts into orifice, takes hat off, tosses hair. Someone get him a barrette, he’s been doing that a lot. He starts to talk to LB, who is sitting, looking dejected, but DURRRR calls him into HIS orifice. Office, office! HB and DURRRR are both in there, wanting to know estimate for finish of bridge. BH tries to have them call in LB (d’aw) but NO. They not having that. They have shut door in her face! So BH is all, well, two weeks. Cause, you know, SUE BOYS, broken shit, cray cray PDP’s and stuff…They all, NO! One week is what you got! We way behind!
BH is like…WTF? Yeah, they want doable bridge. You know, just doable. DOABLE. BO HUNK looks HANNA BANNANA dead in the eye and is all, “Oh, fine. I’ll drive a car across MY DAMN SELF.” And prolly die. But that’s how I roll, cause you don’t scurr me, betch.
He leaves. And I’m telling you, miss frosty knickers might have experienced a little thaw, when he looked her in the eye. POWER OF THE GRISWOLD, y’all. Phear it! Or just stroke it and hope it purrs. I vote the latter.
Cut to - WTF? Sean tries to propose to RUTH. Yeah. That didn’t go well. Rather sudden, we agree.
But now to bridge. They heaving and such, and BH barking orders, oh lawdy, and they are using that steam engine, and…a ways away, BH sees…LOKI MAN OH NOES. NO! Stop using machine. STOP I SAY! You see him there, it is blatant OMEN. ERMAHGERD why does no one listen to me!
Sure enough, engine is smoking, and BAM. Some shite comes lo0se and I duck. I mean srsly, it came right at me! Even worse, it about took away our GRISWOLD.
That there is a reason to RIOT! Though it did get BH on his back. We like that.
LOKI rides off. Pleased. FUDGER.
All hell breaks loose, shit falls, crushes people mass hysteria. People are SQUASHED, yo? Even the fleas are grossed out.
Cut to them all being hauled into what passes for town, on train. BH orders TOOLE to tear that engine apart and find out what happened. Stalks off. DC greets ZOMBIE TOOLE and is vv glad he’s okay. E. EL. sees this. She sees him seeing. He sees her. He walks away.
People are terrible hurt, BH tells DURRRR, but DURRRR just blames it all on BH. Whut? But then BH has moment of diarrhea of the mouth and lets slip about the fraud. (You know that was pillow talk with him and LB.) Way to go, HUNK. For reall, are you DAFT? DURRRR strops inside, and BH douses hisself with bucket of water, not warning fleas, who are raising several hundred fists at him as we speak. Soggy ones.
Cut! ODD JOB rides up, and has gone back native, LIKE I SAID HE WOULD. Finds RUTH. Blah blah, he brought her food. (Dead rabbits.) Said he saw WHITE SPIRIT. (We know whom!) And tells her she should leave bad place. MICKEY BOO sees this from across the dirt.
Now cut to BO HUNK asking TOOLE if he found out what was wrong with that engine. BO HUNK goes to it, pulls out NOW THAT’S A KNIFE (that killed PDP) and scrapes out an orc horn?? Okay, MUMBLER. Anyway, it’s some penny. NORWEGIAN penny. Yeah, JOKER left his calling card, er, metal. So this makes BO…BATMAN!?
I can’t keep up some days. Pass me another drink, I’ll get this.
So! Now we have LB talking to DURRRR, though really he’s just trying to brush her off. She won’t let him. She speaks of what they did together, and what she’s done for the RR, and he is all, “How did BOOOOO hannon know about the fraud. Did you LAY with him? DID YOU!” sorry. I must giggle. LAY WITH HIM? She did more than lay, buddy. Maybe she LAID there with YOU, but hah…ahaha…ehem. I don’t know why he’s all upset, anyway. HIPPYCRIT. He blows her off. Limps away. That new spleen isn’t broken in, yet.
Now, whatever you think about the affair, don’t you feel a little sorry for her? She didn’t deserve that. IT TAKES TWO.
But back to iBOOS. Mickey, who is STILL DRUNK, enough to rival DRUNK MONK, refuses Sean his share. Gives him just enough to maybe appease junkie DURRRR. Mickey is like, oh, your plan backfired, you counted on DURRRR dying, and then you gave away all that stuff! And then it’s all FIGHT! And Mickey says he saw RUTH with ODD JOB, and if you don’t believe me, ASK HER. ERR BODY KNOWS BUT YOU!
Sad times for BOOS, y’all.
Not to E. EL. with DURRRR, who he says I QUIT YOU. Hah! But DURRRR tears up his deed! That’s cold, mang. DURRR tells E. EL. that the onliest way to leave the RR is DEAD, or walk through injun territory. Same as dead. Say he OWN ALL, so you ain’t got no land.
Wow. What a BETCH. Have some more DRUGS, DURRRR.
E. EL. stands up for hisself, and I say good. Even uppity E. EL. didn’t deserve that. He tells him that he ain’t gonna be his N**** no more and he wants some AR E ESS PEE EE CEE TEE!
DURRRR actually gives it to him. SCORE! Is all, okay, MISTA TIBBS.
Now. Cut to HANNA BANNANA going to LB’s caboose. Seems DURRRR is still too injured for them to share a bed. (Good excuse, GAY DURRRR) and will need a…oh, snap. She is taking LB’s caboose. Kicking her out of it. Says oh, you’ll be fine, you know your way around, eh? AROUND, EH?
That’s not right, y’all. I mean, yeah, she’s the wife, but do you think she cares about DURRRR or his MONAYYYY!? It’s the Benjamins, babay. She knows about the affair, lets LILY BELL know she knows, and has her packing. In super her-crotch-is-frosty move, even sits on the bed to WATCH LILY PACK.
C’mon, y’all. That’s some COLD SHEET. She would’ve ruled DYNASTY, amiright?
And can you blame DURRRR. Would you hit that? You might break something!
But see, it’s really because she PHEARS the power of LB’s maps. Maps will get you LONG WAY, yo? True fax. We know it.
We cut to BO HUNK being total gentleman and giving HIS caboose to LILY BELL. She says he should stay, that DURRRR knows anyway. He’s all, he THINKS he knows. She’s all, oh…he knows. He’s all, “Don’t test a man who’s jealous and afraid of dying.” Takes her chin, strokes her cheek (deft moves, cowboy) and repeats, “Don’t test a man.”
Second time for him? I don’t know. He kisses her PROPER LIKE, in maybe pop quiz before not test. The fleas run back and forth, frolicking.
He leaves.
NIGHT FALLS HARD. Drunk Sean stalks RUTH in tent. “SURPRISE!” She is scurred. He wants to know about ODD JOB. She won’t answer. Wants him to leave. This is very tense, y’all! I don’t think I like her, but I’m worried about her.Are the pigs close? But…I am so surprised. He leaves. I was so certain he was going to lose it on her completely. Hmm.
Now we cut to BO NOT MONK and he sets fire to a tent, the PYRO that he is. Ah! LOKI tent.
That’s gonna come back on him. But I applaud this move.
Cut to (I’m getting whiplash, you?) E. EL.’s almost a floor plan, and BH grabbing a piece of it to sleep on. There follows their effed up version of making up. Sort of. I think. Till next fight. But most intriguing here, is that E. EL tells BH that DURRRR asked him to do something he knows BH ain’t gonna like. BH is all, “What did you say?”
“Told him I’d think about it.”
Erum. Hmm. What do you think, Mounties? To off BO HUNK? I think no. They want him for the future. To off LILY BELL? I think it’s possible.
Or it could just be to shack up with DURRRR.
EWWWW!!!!
Until next week and a finale. Me? I lost the plot and my mind. The fleas are holding it for me.
Maybe I'll let them recap the finale, because this one sucked. OH MY GIDDY...flea farts.