And I will wait for you
So I did an lj idol entry this week! The past couple of weeks things just got hectic and on Monday I'm so busy and of course on Sunday I'm like psh, it's not due till tomorrow. Hahhaa. Also I keep worrying that my entries won't be voted for or that I don't fit in, it's this really random shit coming up for me. I don't put much stock in those feelings, silly insecurities. This past week however I wasn't sure what to write and was thinking about talking about the boozing. The thing with me is that I'm not much of a writer. I don't do it enough and I struggle with it when I do. Out of practice. I'm much more of a talker. blah blah blah. Hehe.
BUT THIS WEEK I had an epiphany in that I should talk identity stuff and over the weekend I worked on what to write, though I was all over the place because MERLIN just try and keep that to one central topic, I can't do it. Anyways, turns out an hour before the deadline I sat down and threw some words out and posted it 7 minutes before it was due! It was messy and I would have liked to reread it or edit it but I don't think I'm allowed and if I am, meh. It's nice because if I do get voted out or don't get enough votes I'm fine with that. I told my story, I wrote about my culture and identity. Immediately after I posted it I linked it to Millie and she was super supportive about me talking about feelings and stuff. She always seems so impressed with me when I write about difficult stuff. Millie calls me brave, and I like that even though I don't feel very brave. Now that I feel I am living a good life and doing a lot better it's easier to write about the difficult stuff. I spent a lot of years focusing on things that weren't the real issues in my life because I couldn't handle what was going on. It feels good to get to the real stuff now. It won't crush me to talk about scary things, my world won't crumble when I throw some honesty out there. Once upon a time saying something honest was the most difficult thing in the world. Maybe I am brave.
Psh. i love that whenever i get rambly and think about things I put on this air when I'm on the internet. like i'm trying to be deep or something. silly smarch.
BUT THIS WEEK I had an epiphany in that I should talk identity stuff and over the weekend I worked on what to write, though I was all over the place because MERLIN just try and keep that to one central topic, I can't do it. Anyways, turns out an hour before the deadline I sat down and threw some words out and posted it 7 minutes before it was due! It was messy and I would have liked to reread it or edit it but I don't think I'm allowed and if I am, meh. It's nice because if I do get voted out or don't get enough votes I'm fine with that. I told my story, I wrote about my culture and identity. Immediately after I posted it I linked it to Millie and she was super supportive about me talking about feelings and stuff. She always seems so impressed with me when I write about difficult stuff. Millie calls me brave, and I like that even though I don't feel very brave. Now that I feel I am living a good life and doing a lot better it's easier to write about the difficult stuff. I spent a lot of years focusing on things that weren't the real issues in my life because I couldn't handle what was going on. It feels good to get to the real stuff now. It won't crush me to talk about scary things, my world won't crumble when I throw some honesty out there. Once upon a time saying something honest was the most difficult thing in the world. Maybe I am brave.
Psh. i love that whenever i get rambly and think about things I put on this air when I'm on the internet. like i'm trying to be deep or something. silly smarch.