(no subject)
my dog is dying.
I need to write this out so I can accept it easier. I'm pretty dehydrated, since it is 90 degrees outside and I hate water, so I can't cry much. This is actually worse than crying, because my face gets all red and scrunchy, and I start hiccupping and dry sobbing and getting all gross, but there are no tears to prove it. I just look like a 4 year old throwing a tantrum.
Oh shit, I'm starting to cry again, cause she's just lying in my room looking very sad. She has liver disease, so her liver can't filter out all the stuff she takes in. Her stomach is all swollen up now, and she can't walk well cause she's almost 100 years old in dog years, so her muscles are weak and she just sits around cause she can't walk but she wants to walk but she can't. Makes me cry.
Damn! I can't stop crying even if there are no tears. My nose gets all burny and prickly but I just sniffle, cause I have no water in me to cry.
Fuck, what am I going to do at school? I'll start crying in the middle of testing, and everyone will be all 'Oh, Charlie, are you okay?' not because they care, but just because they want to have something to tell someone. They'll be like 'Oh, guys, Charlotte started crying in class today. What do you think that's about?' and everyone will be bothering me and I don't like talking to people, they're just airheads who only care about tv and who's wearing what and what rapper is cool this week. I HATE that. I need a school that has a more stimulating social life, cause everyone is either an overachieving Asian (I shouldn't say that, cause I'm part asian and stereotypers can go to hell) or a rapper wannabee asshat (all guys. the media projects the image of gansters and rappers as cool and popular, so they get the idea that to be cool and popular, they have to swear and do drugs and shank people) or just an idiot who doesn't care about anything, just following the trends and what's cool.
wow, I'm off topic. I'm supposed to be letting out my grief for my dying dog. I can't cry at home, too much of a fuss, can't cry at school too much of a fuss, DAMMIT I NEED A HIDING PLACE I CAN GO TO CRY...!!!!!
AGH!
wow, I actually finished a journal entry. Next one will be about memories about my dog. Condolences are appreciated. She was a great, great dog. Good lord, I cannot stop crying.
Oh, it's probably a given that I'll be churning out lots of icons now, cause Psycology says that someone who has suffered a great loss or has had something tragic happen to them should probably do their daily routine in order to get a sense of stability, like nothing's going to change. I'll be iconing a lot of sad stuff to get all this grief out of me. Dammit, I hate grieving.
Alright, bye.
I need to write this out so I can accept it easier. I'm pretty dehydrated, since it is 90 degrees outside and I hate water, so I can't cry much. This is actually worse than crying, because my face gets all red and scrunchy, and I start hiccupping and dry sobbing and getting all gross, but there are no tears to prove it. I just look like a 4 year old throwing a tantrum.
Oh shit, I'm starting to cry again, cause she's just lying in my room looking very sad. She has liver disease, so her liver can't filter out all the stuff she takes in. Her stomach is all swollen up now, and she can't walk well cause she's almost 100 years old in dog years, so her muscles are weak and she just sits around cause she can't walk but she wants to walk but she can't. Makes me cry.
Damn! I can't stop crying even if there are no tears. My nose gets all burny and prickly but I just sniffle, cause I have no water in me to cry.
Fuck, what am I going to do at school? I'll start crying in the middle of testing, and everyone will be all 'Oh, Charlie, are you okay?' not because they care, but just because they want to have something to tell someone. They'll be like 'Oh, guys, Charlotte started crying in class today. What do you think that's about?' and everyone will be bothering me and I don't like talking to people, they're just airheads who only care about tv and who's wearing what and what rapper is cool this week. I HATE that. I need a school that has a more stimulating social life, cause everyone is either an overachieving Asian (I shouldn't say that, cause I'm part asian and stereotypers can go to hell) or a rapper wannabee asshat (all guys. the media projects the image of gansters and rappers as cool and popular, so they get the idea that to be cool and popular, they have to swear and do drugs and shank people) or just an idiot who doesn't care about anything, just following the trends and what's cool.
wow, I'm off topic. I'm supposed to be letting out my grief for my dying dog. I can't cry at home, too much of a fuss, can't cry at school too much of a fuss, DAMMIT I NEED A HIDING PLACE I CAN GO TO CRY...!!!!!
AGH!
wow, I actually finished a journal entry. Next one will be about memories about my dog. Condolences are appreciated. She was a great, great dog. Good lord, I cannot stop crying.
Oh, it's probably a given that I'll be churning out lots of icons now, cause Psycology says that someone who has suffered a great loss or has had something tragic happen to them should probably do their daily routine in order to get a sense of stability, like nothing's going to change. I'll be iconing a lot of sad stuff to get all this grief out of me. Dammit, I hate grieving.
Alright, bye.