Tired and alone...ish...
well here it fucking is....2005.....so far, dave approves...the hug/time ratio fucking rocks, at this rate ill be spening 17 weeks in people arms..... doubt itll happen though :(.....wow wow wow, wait a sec, come to thing of it spending 17weeks unnable to fart freely would suck...no matter how much covert fondling goes on.... ( and if you dont know by now that thats meant to be a joke only by now, you fucking suck(ah what a glorious way to smash into the new year...))
so lefts re-cap this motherfucker...
IN TEH BEGININ; (oh you know its gonna b a good un when it starts with that!!)
dave, was asleep...and dreaming an interesting, complex, and useful to a shrink, dream, i might add ladies and gentlemen... until mum got us up at 20 to 12 asking if i was meant to be going into glasgow 2day cos apparently sum1 had accidentally called us with their phone in their pocket, it stopeed after a while leaving me with no other reason to get out of bed then to go and see all my wonderful, exciting, great, increadably organised friends and spend the day with them at the cinema...(ho ho, of course im bigging them up only to smash them back down again)
[20mins later] dave, our intreped hero for this fable...no i have no fucking idea what intreped means, i just know that its been seen b4 hero b4 in some nice original context...original only bcos those frauds beat me to it...yeah...those phonies...yeah...why can i smell bacon...?
BACK TO THE STORY FAGGOT!
*Ahem*
...was at the bus stop where he got on a nice big doubledecker-motherfucker, and was in to central, as we had arranged the previous evening, for 1..."who did you meet there?" i hear you cry, Admiral Dissapointment, thats who! seeming every1 else had decided to cancel and not tell any1...kinda like an outbreak of "meh, no1'll miss me, ill just stay in my fucking bed" syndrome...or maybe it was teh beginnings of the almighty conspiracy to make today somehting interestingless to fucking talk about on LJ...and yeah i fucking forgot to attack you lot tonight about it...you im fucking doing it now....grrr.....bastrading over....
...so i grabbed a muffin n a free hot chocolate from....that place...Millies... is it just me or does that offer never end? The "FREE HOT DRINK WITH EVERY MUFFIN WORTH £1.50!" one...it aint complaining...just pondering...trying to fill the gap between now and noon with as much elipsis as possible......ill explain that in an hour or so, in case your wondering... *rolls william over cos hes making odd noises*...im sure i ordered a bacon sandwhich now...wheres the HP gone?
...and got back on the fucking bus 15 mins after id gotten off one...id gotten to braehead n my hot choco had run out so i was just stairing out the window with a glazed over expression...as you do...as the bus sat about and waited for people...as it does...when the gilliemeister himself walked by so i bettered my arm off the window till it hurt too muchm but alas all was for naught as the prink is deaf... so i decided "ah fuck it i aint doing anything more interesting sitting here" so i jumped off the bus and ran after him...as I does...
...so me, gillie, and a conveniantly placed Laura, went walkabout in the braehead for a while n i finally got to eat my muffin <- first thing to eat besides a mouthful of burnt toast that day...then we ran into stu in the HMV clasical section so i stood about talking to him for a while over an hour on such topics encompassing music, literature, the theatre, cinema and thievery...and then we went home...much of which i dont remember, much due to my mp3 enduced state of ignorance...
...from the bussness, i went to alis where there was much musicary...n yeah im just making up my own words right now...hey im getting boredetised here n trying to keep myself occupied...i explain why in about half an hour...id settle for a just of pig between bread now...
...homewards is where i went after the music stopped and the volleyball was banned...and well anderson had left too...it was time for dinner...salmon n that cheesey sauce with the spinach, funking fantasctical stuff that, not as fancy as it sounds either, just bung it in the oven sorta thing, yummy...bacon...must have...bacon....and HP sauce....please....*stomach grumbles* ((Its 6:08 btw at this point in the typing, not the story))...oh yes and there was much swearing down teh phone about then sometime...that time being b4 i went home...
shitamungustbollockynesssuarus motherfuckingrex, im not even at the bells yet, going good dave, keep this up and people might actually just skip to the end and ignore all the bollocks youve been typing all bloody morning....((6:17, need to stop zoning out...))
"You! The thermostat!"
"What?"
"The thermostat! You've touched it havent you?"
"What!? No!"
"Yes you have! What've you done to it!?"
"I havent touched it Withnail, honest!"
"Then why has my head gone numb!?"
-For Daryn.
...now where the fuck have I gotten to..?...oh yes...
...at alis we just sat n watched music televionay n ate statay sticks and pizza bites which apparently are "oh so cute"...generally anything miniature is cute...so hey richi, it might not be very practical but at least the ladies'll think its cute b4 laughing their arses off...booya...oh he went there...((6.28))...anyways, this is where dave sarted his running when trying to collect cally...i ran a full circle around the area until i realised hawthorne isnt spelt f-l-o-u-r-e-s or anything resembling that anyway...then more running to get to afore mentioned brambly-bush street/area where i found cally using my patented pss-psss-psss technique. WHICH FUCKING WORKS on cally anyways...and cats...
...when alis parents showed up we moved upstairs to give them the living room and we watched chewing the fat n only an excuse b4 Jools...Callys "Cousin" showed up, that person being her friend Jenna who had decided to drink i think 10 out of 12 bottles of bacardi breezer b4 even getting there, leaving one for her n one for cally, come to think of it thats the only time i remember seeing either of them drinking..cept when cally tried the whiskey...
...at the bells there was but huggery and shakerhandery...naturally...at this point we all headed of andersaurs (Will was also on his 5th beer by this time btw...) shit i haven even told you who "we" is yet... there was me, fiona b (fiona a, unfortunately having been "broken" in a grotesque agricultural orgy in Saigon *shudders* so...many...feathers...the sqauking....the screaming....the neighing...the horror, the horror... (What you mean "How much you had to drink"!? wankers...pure gold that is...wankers...)), claire (who thought it would be clever to hitch a ride on dave and leave her shoes at Alis on the trip to andersons...god knows what happened on the next leg of the trip...), cally, daryn, willy, gillie, ali (duh), anderson (duhage numba2), jenna, and uhhh...theres probably sum1 who im forgetting...meh...i can alsmost taste the bacon sandwich...ohhh....((6:43))
...but I decided to run home at this time instead so i could say my happy new years to the family...and ryan... nuthin much due to my exhaustedness from running it again...but hey i got a bottle of whiskey out of it...booya...-more running-...got to andersons n wished his grandpa (mefinks) a happy new year and learn that every1 had fucked off to lyndz without waiting for me...hmmm, sounds familiar...like 1 o'clock familiar....-more running, not a lot tho-...at alis i got my phone back n stole a can of irn bru...yeah real freaking naughty...oooo....anyways...
-more running-
(heh, mum just found out im still awake...)
...i gave up running halfway to lyndz place n walked the rest, bottle in hand...i was greeted by a very happy, very awesome Evans and a very drunk will...ho ho ho...that could only end in partial nudity...and did...
...ummm theres quite a few deleted scenes in here, my memory aint great... i took a few pics but my cameras in fionas possession rite now i believe, well if that snake claire is to be believed at all...watch her...she be a devil woman i warn yee...yaar...no this chronicle of a post could never be complete without a good old token bit of privateereing (pirating, for those of you who speak daveish)...
...after a while some of the group wished to go to "alans" house, i am yet to bugger the bugger who said that...its DAVES place...muthafucka...and dont ever reffer to it as anything other than that, or The Temple of Dave...
...we went to the temple...we this time being me & fi, ali & jen...and we scared away all of alans friend with our latent sexuality...rawr...then every1 else vanished upstairs n me n jenna sat on the coutch and there was a constant hug as i did my teddybear routine for about half an hour...which actually does hurt...but it wasnt anything, so anytime you or anyone acutally, requires an extended teddysession you know where i live, well most of you do...((Note to daryn n richie: STFU you fucking assholes, quit laughin n wipe that fuckass expression off your faces, I know where you live)) and time aint a prob, as a number of you know...well as many as ive managed to squeeze my niceness that morning into converstaion with...arg, the english potholes...none of that makes sense...((7.15, heh, its gettin funny now))
...once we got back...we being me & jen, ali & fi this time...will had been sick in the conservatory coutch...and every1 had gone very anti-will ((well almost every1)) so when the taxi came i took him back to my place...i dont get why a number of you didnt want me to go with him at first...so the guy cant moderate very well, no need to be such fucking arseholes over the whole thing, even though his inebriation and clear depression over teh matter he offered to pay for anything that would need to be cleaned, but hey, kick me in the balls if that aint a small gesture of an apology...*removes cup and glares at everyone*...
...and here i am, typing away at 7:26, 2hours and 8mins after i started...with an uncncious friend on one of the pre-made beds i set up b4 going out 2nite, c'mon the foresight, and wondering why the fuck im still here...here here....im still here because i decided to stay awake and keep an eye on him till 8 to makesure he doesnt swallow his tongue or choke on something that didnt feel like staying where it was meant to be...
ya know...i aint as tired as you'd think...but hey...im still pretty fucking shittered...
well, good bye 2004, good morning 2005...and dont woory, im sure youll do ok, your predecessor want exactly fantastic...that said, it did have its moments...and everything b4 that was a shitestorm...
Sunrise soon.