Annual Protestant Greed Day
So, for those of you expecting cynicism, get ready, cause it's about to hit in bushels.
No, I don't know how much is in a bushel. Assume a lot.
Today, we, as a nation, celebrate a very important event. The creation of the Credit Card. People spend obscene amounts of money to placate people they generally can't stand with pointless and expensive gifts. There will be people drinking eggnog-flavored vodka all day, and smiling with all their teeth. This will be a once-in-a-year event, because they are usually selfish angry bastards who just want to tell you that no, you are not getting a raise this year, in fact, you are fired.
But today's official name is Christmas. Celebration of Christ. Now, I'm not big on the whole christian religion. I've had a LOT of problems with them and their ways for a little over two decades now, and I don't see that changing. To quote M. Gandhi, "I like your Christ, he is a truly enlightened soul. But your Christians, they I do not like. So very unlike your Christ."
Here's a clue, fellas. The addition of the suffix -ians to a base or root word (like, I dunno, Christ) gives the meaning of "like so." i.e., Christians should be like Christ.
Christ didn't spend one day a year being nice to everyone, because that's the quickest way to get presents.
According to the Christian New Testament, he labored and took shit constantly for the three years of his long walk, and was always nice and polite and friendly, and did not ever want a single present. Except for the one time in the Temple, but that's because he was pissed that people were dishonoring The Lord so badly in there. Those bastards.
The must have killed Kenny or something.
But anyway, the one you call Christ was all accepting, and did not once (again, excluding the Temple) force his viewpoint on anyone, or make it a requirement of their hanging out. He would discuss anything with anyone. I bet he would even laugh at fart jokes.
Now-adays, you have all these self-righteous, elitist pricks going around calling themselves "Christians." Essentially saying, "Look at us, we are better than you because we made a relatively simple and logical ass-covering decision in a moment of combined awe and fear! You suck, and will burn in HELL because you are obviously way too stupid and inferior to make a similar decision! Also, we will judge you on anything that is different from us, just to continue the image that we are superior!"
That's not quite right, yanno.
So, forget about today. Forget about church, and presents, and tinsel, and ... well, keep the eggnog. That's some good shit, yo. (Drinks his eggnog) But forget all the religious and commercial shit. Forget today is a national holiday.
Read a book, watch a movie, play a game. Be yourself, be human.
Why the hell should one day be different?
(Besides, historical records place the birth of one Jesus H. Jones of Nazareth in late March, but hey, who am I to site FACT? Not a church, that's for damn sure)
Oh, yeah, and Happy Chanukkah.
No, I don't know how much is in a bushel. Assume a lot.
Today, we, as a nation, celebrate a very important event. The creation of the Credit Card. People spend obscene amounts of money to placate people they generally can't stand with pointless and expensive gifts. There will be people drinking eggnog-flavored vodka all day, and smiling with all their teeth. This will be a once-in-a-year event, because they are usually selfish angry bastards who just want to tell you that no, you are not getting a raise this year, in fact, you are fired.
But today's official name is Christmas. Celebration of Christ. Now, I'm not big on the whole christian religion. I've had a LOT of problems with them and their ways for a little over two decades now, and I don't see that changing. To quote M. Gandhi, "I like your Christ, he is a truly enlightened soul. But your Christians, they I do not like. So very unlike your Christ."
Here's a clue, fellas. The addition of the suffix -ians to a base or root word (like, I dunno, Christ) gives the meaning of "like so." i.e., Christians should be like Christ.
Christ didn't spend one day a year being nice to everyone, because that's the quickest way to get presents.
According to the Christian New Testament, he labored and took shit constantly for the three years of his long walk, and was always nice and polite and friendly, and did not ever want a single present. Except for the one time in the Temple, but that's because he was pissed that people were dishonoring The Lord so badly in there. Those bastards.
The must have killed Kenny or something.
But anyway, the one you call Christ was all accepting, and did not once (again, excluding the Temple) force his viewpoint on anyone, or make it a requirement of their hanging out. He would discuss anything with anyone. I bet he would even laugh at fart jokes.
Now-adays, you have all these self-righteous, elitist pricks going around calling themselves "Christians." Essentially saying, "Look at us, we are better than you because we made a relatively simple and logical ass-covering decision in a moment of combined awe and fear! You suck, and will burn in HELL because you are obviously way too stupid and inferior to make a similar decision! Also, we will judge you on anything that is different from us, just to continue the image that we are superior!"
That's not quite right, yanno.
So, forget about today. Forget about church, and presents, and tinsel, and ... well, keep the eggnog. That's some good shit, yo. (Drinks his eggnog) But forget all the religious and commercial shit. Forget today is a national holiday.
Read a book, watch a movie, play a game. Be yourself, be human.
Why the hell should one day be different?
(Besides, historical records place the birth of one Jesus H. Jones of Nazareth in late March, but hey, who am I to site FACT? Not a church, that's for damn sure)
Oh, yeah, and Happy Chanukkah.