Ugh.
Okay. So let's assess the situation here from my end at least. I've always had reason to believe but now it's clearer than ever that I have never loved anyone as much as I love you. That's why I am SO pissed off. I feel that you never fully realized just how much I love you... and either way, I can't help but be angry at how careless you've been with the incredible love that I gave to you all of the time. That I still have for you. I know that you're not stupid. You can play the ignorance card all you want but I know that you're not. Which means that you're pretty much a coward. You seem to lack the will to do what you know is right. To listen to your feelings and act accordingly. Everything in this relationship was more than fine for a very long time. Until there were problems and you got scared. Curled up into your cold shell. It's once you're afraid that you do things wrong. Doubt yourself and you set yourself up for failure. You did everything perfectly well until you felt fear. You got a little colder to me. Seemed a little less emotionally invested. Unless the emotions are irritation, frustration or exhaustion.
You might be right about us being incompatible. You're right that I'm romantic. It doesn't get a whole lot more romantic than me. You're right that I have an active sex-drive. It's there. It has needs. Most importantly, I think... I really enjoy putting a lot of emotional and physical energy into a relationship and I can't help but expect it to be reciprocated. Relationships are all about give and take. The more even it is, the happier people tend to be. It seems to me that for you to put in the same amount of emotional and physical energy into a relationship that I do... it would feel like work to you. More so than pleasure. If that isn't true, I don't know why you wouldn't do it. I also couldn't imagine loving someone being work but again, you and I are very different. Or so you kept telling me. You've finally convinced me of all of these things I didn't care about. Of all of these things I didn't really agree with. You pushed our incompatibility. You pushed how much I shouldn't want to be with someone like you. Until eventually I felt so hurt and like you didn't care or didn't want it... that I gave up fighting your wrong perspectives. Your confusions. Your fears. Being unable to tell me that you are in love with me was the last straw for me. Well, if you aren't, what is left for me to salvage?? What am I even fighting for? What am I crying about? If there's nothing there.
Well, in all my years I've never had a problem letting go of a relationship I wasn't happy in. I've never struggled to fall out of love with someone who was not in love with me. Maybe that just makes me even more angry. I hope you're happy to be the first person I've ever cared this much about. You don't seem to deserve it... No one deserves love that they can't reciprocate.
This is why I'm so angry. Because I'm hurt.
You might be right about us being incompatible. You're right that I'm romantic. It doesn't get a whole lot more romantic than me. You're right that I have an active sex-drive. It's there. It has needs. Most importantly, I think... I really enjoy putting a lot of emotional and physical energy into a relationship and I can't help but expect it to be reciprocated. Relationships are all about give and take. The more even it is, the happier people tend to be. It seems to me that for you to put in the same amount of emotional and physical energy into a relationship that I do... it would feel like work to you. More so than pleasure. If that isn't true, I don't know why you wouldn't do it. I also couldn't imagine loving someone being work but again, you and I are very different. Or so you kept telling me. You've finally convinced me of all of these things I didn't care about. Of all of these things I didn't really agree with. You pushed our incompatibility. You pushed how much I shouldn't want to be with someone like you. Until eventually I felt so hurt and like you didn't care or didn't want it... that I gave up fighting your wrong perspectives. Your confusions. Your fears. Being unable to tell me that you are in love with me was the last straw for me. Well, if you aren't, what is left for me to salvage?? What am I even fighting for? What am I crying about? If there's nothing there.
Well, in all my years I've never had a problem letting go of a relationship I wasn't happy in. I've never struggled to fall out of love with someone who was not in love with me. Maybe that just makes me even more angry. I hope you're happy to be the first person I've ever cared this much about. You don't seem to deserve it... No one deserves love that they can't reciprocate.
This is why I'm so angry. Because I'm hurt.