oshitofuck
Mekons.
So there's this person who I care about, and he is mighty unhappy right now because he's going through this agonizing transition in his life, and he feels like NO BODY can possibly understand or get it. Which is 100% normal. Which sucks dirty stinky buttholes. NO ONE can ever understand. And yet.
Once upon a time....
There was a lady who loved a fellow and made a child with him. Then they parted. And she thought that probably this child would never ever forgive her for ejecting his dad from their lives, especially after the dad DIED, so there was no chance to have the "I told you he was not an awesome parent." conversation, because upon death everyone becomes a saint.
BUT even so... things went well enough, and child and mom lived many years in happiness. Then, adolescence hit and child grew some serious resentment toward mom. For about 6 years, mom had to cope with the boy hating her, blaming her for everything that ever didn't go right, and resenting her for the absence and death of dad. For SIX years. Ouch.
Each year, each day, hoping that some day soon the anger would pass and things might be able to be real again. So many horribly painful weeping fests happened. So many awful yelling matches. So many times where each person felt like the other HATED and would never love or forgive. NEVER forgive. But then...
Eventually, things got better. Child forgave mom. Mom forgave mom. Mom forgave child. Mom forgave dad. Child forgave dad. People healed.
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I'm sad because someone who I care about, even though we have never cultivated a friendship, is in agony. He's in so much pain it is hurting me. It fucking hurts. Seriously.
I was in his proximity tonight and to be near him was to experience the raw pain of his present situation. What could one do? Revel in the mania of trying to party and drink away the agony, or look him in the eye and bring up pain while asking him how he's REALLY doing? Nobody wants to open up a weeping festival at a punkrock/music show, so everyone pretended there was no problem - everything was super. That didn't work out well.
People with their hearts ripped out and exposed raw have no patience for niceties. No tolerance for "let's wait a few hours to process this ache". People in agony need immediate assurance that their friends are PRESENT and give a shit. Otherwise, fuck it. Fuck you. Fuck your show. Fuck all who try to help. Fuck my life. Fuck all y'all.
Or so it went.
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I want to try to help someone I care about. How do I help? We're not close. Neither of us ever have called each other for anything in the past several years. We're friends who see each other at shows. We love music together in public. We nod and smile when we see each other. Yet.
Yet it disturbs me that he's in pain. I want to help.
I want to inform. I want to ease pain. I want to assure that things will get better. Eventually. Not quickly, by any means, but eventually.
My son hated me so much when I made his dad leave. Hated me so much when I made my last boyfriend leave. Hated me so much when he realized: I MADE his dad go away. MADE it happen. I stole him from his dad and his dad died. I forced him to live with a spinster lady who was crazy, odd, strange, creepy, freaky, witchy, and such. I made it happen. He blamed me and looked at me with derision for years. Only in the past couple year (19-21) has he been able to forgive me and move on with his own life.
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Drunkish.
I'm really sorry. I want to help, and I want to assure my friend that things will get less painful, and that it will get better. I hope I'm not lying. I feel so bad for him. For his family. For everyone.
So there's this person who I care about, and he is mighty unhappy right now because he's going through this agonizing transition in his life, and he feels like NO BODY can possibly understand or get it. Which is 100% normal. Which sucks dirty stinky buttholes. NO ONE can ever understand. And yet.
Once upon a time....
There was a lady who loved a fellow and made a child with him. Then they parted. And she thought that probably this child would never ever forgive her for ejecting his dad from their lives, especially after the dad DIED, so there was no chance to have the "I told you he was not an awesome parent." conversation, because upon death everyone becomes a saint.
BUT even so... things went well enough, and child and mom lived many years in happiness. Then, adolescence hit and child grew some serious resentment toward mom. For about 6 years, mom had to cope with the boy hating her, blaming her for everything that ever didn't go right, and resenting her for the absence and death of dad. For SIX years. Ouch.
Each year, each day, hoping that some day soon the anger would pass and things might be able to be real again. So many horribly painful weeping fests happened. So many awful yelling matches. So many times where each person felt like the other HATED and would never love or forgive. NEVER forgive. But then...
Eventually, things got better. Child forgave mom. Mom forgave mom. Mom forgave child. Mom forgave dad. Child forgave dad. People healed.
________________________________________________________________________________
I'm sad because someone who I care about, even though we have never cultivated a friendship, is in agony. He's in so much pain it is hurting me. It fucking hurts. Seriously.
I was in his proximity tonight and to be near him was to experience the raw pain of his present situation. What could one do? Revel in the mania of trying to party and drink away the agony, or look him in the eye and bring up pain while asking him how he's REALLY doing? Nobody wants to open up a weeping festival at a punkrock/music show, so everyone pretended there was no problem - everything was super. That didn't work out well.
People with their hearts ripped out and exposed raw have no patience for niceties. No tolerance for "let's wait a few hours to process this ache". People in agony need immediate assurance that their friends are PRESENT and give a shit. Otherwise, fuck it. Fuck you. Fuck your show. Fuck all who try to help. Fuck my life. Fuck all y'all.
Or so it went.
___________________________________________________________________________________
I want to try to help someone I care about. How do I help? We're not close. Neither of us ever have called each other for anything in the past several years. We're friends who see each other at shows. We love music together in public. We nod and smile when we see each other. Yet.
Yet it disturbs me that he's in pain. I want to help.
I want to inform. I want to ease pain. I want to assure that things will get better. Eventually. Not quickly, by any means, but eventually.
My son hated me so much when I made his dad leave. Hated me so much when I made my last boyfriend leave. Hated me so much when he realized: I MADE his dad go away. MADE it happen. I stole him from his dad and his dad died. I forced him to live with a spinster lady who was crazy, odd, strange, creepy, freaky, witchy, and such. I made it happen. He blamed me and looked at me with derision for years. Only in the past couple year (19-21) has he been able to forgive me and move on with his own life.
_________________________________________________________________________________
Drunkish.
I'm really sorry. I want to help, and I want to assure my friend that things will get less painful, and that it will get better. I hope I'm not lying. I feel so bad for him. For his family. For everyone.