Reminds Me of HP ~ The Collected Works of Will Cuppy
Quotes from the writer Will Cuppy who wrote various books and New Yorker articles in the middle of the 20th century. What caught my eye was that he wrote a book called How to Attract a Wombat and that reminded me of JKR's Wombat Test. Some of these quotes are certainly Dumbledore-Worthy. And most of these quotes sound as if they could come straight out of Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, also.
Hiding Some of the Quotes under Cuts just to save space ~ Be sure to click and read more! Enjoy!
"For reasons of my own, I am not telling at this point exactly what a Wombat is or is not. I assure you, though, that the Wombat exists. In the Wombat we are confronted by a fact, not a theory. That is all I care to divulge at the moment as I prefer, in the interest of suspense, to keep the reader on tenterhooks until he comes to the article entitled "The Wombat" under the larger heading, "Problem Mammals."
~ From "Are Wombats People?" How to Attract a Wombat, 1949, excerpted Here
"Infant wart hogs resemble both sides of the family."
~ From How to Attract a Wombat found in Wikiquote
The popular notion that Ostriches subsist largely upon a diet of horseshoes is quite erroneous. They swallow sand, nails, and glass to promote the digestion of their food, which includes watches, doorknobs, and pieces of old machinery. Horseshoes are merely an occasional luxury. The Ostrich's egg is about the size of a coconut. It contains as much egg as eighteen ordinary hens' eggs and is somewhat gamy. One of them makes a meal for two to six Hottentots, depending upon the size of the Hottentots.
~ From "The Ostrich" in How to Attract a Wombat quoted Here
The Age of Reptiles ended because it had gone on long enough and it was all a mistake in the first place. A better day was dawning at the close of the Mesozoic Era. There were some little warm-blooded animals around which had been stealing and eating the eggs of the Dinosaurs, and they were gradually learning to steal other things, too. Civilization was just around the corner.
From How to Become Extinct found in Wikiquote
"Do snakes make intelligent pets?" and "How intelligent is a snake?" are questions I am often asked, sometimes by people you wouldn't expect to bring up the subject. I generally tell them how the big Boa at the London Zoological Gardens swallowed her blanket, first constricting or squeezing it in the approved manner, apparently in the belief that it was a live goat. This little anecdote invariably disappoints all who hear it. They seem to think it should be longer, or funnier. Why is it that people don't see the significance of things any more? Is it a trend?
~ From "Own Your Own Snake" in How to Become Extinct excerpt Here
Snakes, in a word, are well worth knowing, unless you'd rather know something else. In closing, I have a little message which I wish you'd relay to some of those people who won't read a snake article because it gives them the jumps: There are no snakes in Iceland, Ireland, or New Zealand. And no snake articles.
~ From "Own Your Own Snake" in How to Become Extinct excerpt Here
Among the harmless ophidians, the Gopher Snake is a favorite pet with many. It grows as long as nine feet and it hisses loudly most of the time, but you could get used to that. This snake is just what you want if you suffer from Pocket Gophers, as a great many people do, surprising as it may seem in this day and age.
~ From "Own Your Own Snake" in How to Become Extinct excerpt Here
It is a pity that Aristotle didn't drop the whole subject with the comment he made in another place: "Serpents, like fish, are devoid of feet." There is a statement worthy of a scientist.
~ From "Aristotle, Indeed" in How to Become Extinct excerpt Here
"A few Cobras in your home will soon clear it of Rats and Mice. Of course, you will still have the Cobras."
~ From the book Reptiles I'm Always Meeting found in Wikiquote
We have no Common Vipers in the United States, but we have worse.
~ From the book Reptiles I'm Always Meeting found in Wikiquote
If you annoy the Hog-nosed Snake enough, he will roll over on his back and play dead. If you turn him right-side up , he will roll over to prove that he is dead.
[Footnote:] While he is playing dead, you can go straight up to him and step on his head or smash him with a big club.
~ From the book Reptiles I'm Always Meeting found in Wikiquote
"Armadillos make affectionate pets, if you need affection that much."
~ From How to Get from January to December, 1951 found in Wikiquote
All Modern Men are descended from a Wormlike creature but it shows more on some people.
~ From How to Tell Your Friends from Apes found in Wikiquote
The Zebra is striped all over so that the Lion can see him and eat him. Some people say he is striped so that the Lion can not see him. These people believe that the stripes of the Zebra simulate the bars of sunlight falling through the tall jungle grasses and that therefore the Zebra is invisible and that the earth is flat.
~ From How to Tell Your Friends from Apes found in Wikiquote
Which brings us to the poisonings. We all know that the Borgias, especially Lucrezia, had a habit of poisoning all and sundry whenever they got the chance; only it doesn't seem to be strictly true. There is every reason to believe, if one goes into the matter at all, that Lucrezia never harmed a fly in all her born days. It may be that Rodrigo and Cesare slipped a little something into the wine at times when drinking with persons who had any money or property to confiscate or who were otherwise objectionable, but it has never been proved. It seems that there were occasional casualties during and after the Borgia banquets. So what? Could they help it if some of their guests dropped dead of old age?
. . . As for Lucrezia, there wasn't even a rumor in her own day that the strawberries at her Wednesday luncheons were dipped in sugar of lead and the other dishes tastefully sprayed with antimony, hellebore, corrosive sublimate, and deadly nightshade, all popular Renaissance flavors.
~ From "Lucrezia Borgia" in The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody, excerpt Here
She was not an ugly girl, either, though she was not the raving beauty of song and story. She was fairly pretty, with a strong nose, a retreating chin, and eyes of indeterminate color. But she had a nice figure, and men of the Renaissance noticed those things. She also had bright yellow hair, which she washed once a week with a mixture of saffron, box shavings, wood ash, barley straw, madder, cumin seed, and one thing and another to bring out the hidden glints and restore its natural color. You left it on your head for twenty-four hours and washed it off with lye made of cabbage stalks, the only hazard of which was the second-degree burn. If your hair remained on the scalp, you were a blonde.
Some people still prefer to think of her as a brunette. If it makes them happy, that's all right with me.
~ From "Lucrezia Borgia" in The Decline and Fall of Practically Everybody, excerpt Here