So, I've been eating a lot of cereal lately.
I suppose this is a fairly personal bit of information that I'm about to put here.
I have never really been transparent with many people who are my friends here.
Yesterday, I had my last scheduled counseling session.
Lance said he was proud of me.
"You've really transformed. You're a different person from the one in my office a couple months ago."
"Thanks, I really hope so. It's so wierd though. I can't reallly explain what happened," I said as my talking-lips crinkled into a smile and my eyes danced. I tried to cover the joy that was so obviously being emmited from every line and pore on my face by plaing with the fraying strings on my terry-cloth hoodie.
Last night was open dorm night for Medlin Hall. I stopped by Matt's room twice to say "hey," for old time's sake, because I remembered how sweet he'd tried to be last open dorm while we were still together, mostly because he is my friend. And I'm trying and learning more and more about what it means to truely give of yourself. Matt was there with Krystal, which was wierd. Not for them, but for me. They're perfect together, that's not the catch. Her living on my hall isn't the catch either. I think the catch is that no one in the world wants to think that they're not enough. That was one of our problems together. We just weren't enough for each other. And we can pretend that it ended to any ammount of reasons, but it's this: we didn't have when the other needed. And as each day passes, I'm becoming more and more okay with that. As each day passes, I'm becoming more and more satisfied with myself.
Not a stupid, selfish, complacent satisfaction--no, I know there are so many areas that I need to improve in, but I don't hate myself. This is a good thing. How can I love "my neighbor" as myself, if I despise myself with violence and despair? Yeah, that's what I've been thinking too.
I won't be rooming with Beth next semester. She's great and all, but our relationship is like Matt and I's was. We're compatible to an extent, but we both are looking for something and that something is at odds with what we have in each other.
Instead, I'm applying to be a HYPE floor leader for next semester and Becky is applying to be an RC. So, we've decided to be roomates. And I think we're going to love it. She and I are so different. We believe different things and live different lifestyles with different standards, but all that we do, all our actions and thoughts and hopes and dreams come from the same final, fundamental, back-behind-everything motivation. So, she may never watch Six Feet Under with me on my laptop, But when I'll tell her what I get from the show and what I learn about death and grief and family through watching it, that she will understand.
I bought one of the Medlin shirts left over from open dorm. It's absalutely amazing. I'm so excited to have it. On the fron there is a picture of a manatee wearing a rocket launcher. On the back it says "Don't worry about the manatees, they'll save themselves." It's light blue and gold and it's very cute.
So, I've been eating a lot of cereal lately. Hm. Cranberry Almond Cruch at around midnight. It's that good. Ah, well this is enough for now.
I have never really been transparent with many people who are my friends here.
Yesterday, I had my last scheduled counseling session.
Lance said he was proud of me.
"You've really transformed. You're a different person from the one in my office a couple months ago."
"Thanks, I really hope so. It's so wierd though. I can't reallly explain what happened," I said as my talking-lips crinkled into a smile and my eyes danced. I tried to cover the joy that was so obviously being emmited from every line and pore on my face by plaing with the fraying strings on my terry-cloth hoodie.
Last night was open dorm night for Medlin Hall. I stopped by Matt's room twice to say "hey," for old time's sake, because I remembered how sweet he'd tried to be last open dorm while we were still together, mostly because he is my friend. And I'm trying and learning more and more about what it means to truely give of yourself. Matt was there with Krystal, which was wierd. Not for them, but for me. They're perfect together, that's not the catch. Her living on my hall isn't the catch either. I think the catch is that no one in the world wants to think that they're not enough. That was one of our problems together. We just weren't enough for each other. And we can pretend that it ended to any ammount of reasons, but it's this: we didn't have when the other needed. And as each day passes, I'm becoming more and more okay with that. As each day passes, I'm becoming more and more satisfied with myself.
Not a stupid, selfish, complacent satisfaction--no, I know there are so many areas that I need to improve in, but I don't hate myself. This is a good thing. How can I love "my neighbor" as myself, if I despise myself with violence and despair? Yeah, that's what I've been thinking too.
I won't be rooming with Beth next semester. She's great and all, but our relationship is like Matt and I's was. We're compatible to an extent, but we both are looking for something and that something is at odds with what we have in each other.
Instead, I'm applying to be a HYPE floor leader for next semester and Becky is applying to be an RC. So, we've decided to be roomates. And I think we're going to love it. She and I are so different. We believe different things and live different lifestyles with different standards, but all that we do, all our actions and thoughts and hopes and dreams come from the same final, fundamental, back-behind-everything motivation. So, she may never watch Six Feet Under with me on my laptop, But when I'll tell her what I get from the show and what I learn about death and grief and family through watching it, that she will understand.
I bought one of the Medlin shirts left over from open dorm. It's absalutely amazing. I'm so excited to have it. On the fron there is a picture of a manatee wearing a rocket launcher. On the back it says "Don't worry about the manatees, they'll save themselves." It's light blue and gold and it's very cute.
So, I've been eating a lot of cereal lately. Hm. Cranberry Almond Cruch at around midnight. It's that good. Ah, well this is enough for now.