Most people would know that the answer is either "yes, please" or "no, thanks".
Only someone with minimal grasp of English would not be able to provide the correct answer. And "I like ice cream" may be one of the potential ones given, but not necessarily the only one.
Some people do drop hints rather than stating things directly. Like saying "ooh there's a coffee shop" rather than saying "I'd like to stop for coffee. I'm thirsty". And apparently this annoys both genders. It certainly bothers me.
But what about a person who does not follow these social conventions (because they can't easily do it rather than due to an explicit choice) who grew up or is living in an environment where this is the normal communication method?
Scary, scary, scary. And that environment that discouraged the directness probably had few if any NTs.
I have seen horror stories where women were socially conditioned to coax and cajole and drop hints rather than stating things directly. The same women often expected men and other women to read their minds.
I have seen men complain about women wanting them to read minds. Yet the same men are very intimidated by my assertiveness and directness to say the least.
> So you are saying that it is social conditioning?
Sometimes, yes. An example is the Japanese concept of tatemae. It's potentially considered rude to be direct about what you personally want.
The reasons behind the idea that directness is impolite may hold true for some people in other cultures as well. For example, maybe some people may think it's rude for you to say that you specifically want ice cream because you're supposed to always think of others first. Therefore, to find out if the group collectively "wants" ice cream, each person has to somehow express a non-direct opinion, so that the group can decide whether it "wants" ice cream. I put "want" in quotes because, when it's so required to think of others, their "want" translates to an obligation for people to fill it, so it's rude for people to not be given what they want. Every "want" is a request; every request is an obligation. Some people seem to naturally develop this style of communication, even in cultures that value directness.
> Do you think that type has anything to do with these cultures developing as they do?It's possible. Maybe the culture developed because the personality type balance in the culture is different, or maybe one type had extraordinary influence in the development of a culture for some reason
( ... )
Only someone with minimal grasp of English would not be able to provide the correct answer.
Rather someone with a wonkily wired brain, of whom there are entirely too many. I've ran into the "I like ice cream" variety all too often, and they seem to believe they have answered properly and clearly.
Most people would know that the answer is either "yes, please" or "no, thanks".
Only someone with minimal grasp of English would not be able to provide the correct answer. And "I like ice cream" may be one of the potential ones given, but not necessarily the only one.
Some people do drop hints rather than stating things directly. Like saying "ooh there's a coffee shop" rather than saying "I'd like to stop for coffee. I'm thirsty". And apparently this annoys both genders. It certainly bothers me.
Reply
But what about a person who does not follow these social conventions (because they can't easily do it rather than due to an explicit choice) who grew up or is living in an environment where this is the normal communication method?
Reply
I have seen horror stories where women were socially conditioned to coax and cajole and drop hints rather than stating things directly. The same women often expected men and other women to read their minds.
I have seen men complain about women wanting them to read minds. Yet the same men are very intimidated by my assertiveness and directness to say the least.
Reply
Sometimes, yes. An example is the Japanese concept of tatemae. It's potentially considered rude to be direct about what you personally want.
The reasons behind the idea that directness is impolite may hold true for some people in other cultures as well. For example, maybe some people may think it's rude for you to say that you specifically want ice cream because you're supposed to always think of others first. Therefore, to find out if the group collectively "wants" ice cream, each person has to somehow express a non-direct opinion, so that the group can decide whether it "wants" ice cream. I put "want" in quotes because, when it's so required to think of others, their "want" translates to an obligation for people to fill it, so it's rude for people to not be given what they want. Every "want" is a request; every request is an obligation. Some people seem to naturally develop this style of communication, even in cultures that value directness.
Bastards. All of them.
Reply
*grin*
The local culture I grew up in was of that "others before yourself or you are selfish so do things indirectly" school so I get what you mean here.
Do you think that type has anything to do with these cultures developing as they do?
Reply
Reply
The correct answer being "not specifically", I assume?
Reply
Rather someone with a wonkily wired brain, of whom there are entirely too many. I've ran into the "I like ice cream" variety all too often, and they seem to believe they have answered properly and clearly.
Reply
Leave a comment