its the year of the shark
i'm irresponsible. i'm open to change. i'm ten million things from day to day. i hope for growth. i hope for self actualization. i hope for internal stillness, yet embrace internal conflict. i like getting lost when you really have no place to be. i hate time. i hate being late, yet i am consistantly so. i write people off with great ease; mostly because i'd rather be the discard-er than the discard-ee. my friends make me laugh hard, but hardly grow, learn, love. i like music. i'll never really talk music with you unless prevoked; i think its tacky, personally. i do what i please; to a point. i dont think enough. i laugh too much. i knit. i paint. i sew. i'd do these things all day everyday if you gave me the time. i think things below the surface are the most mind blowing. i randomize thoughts in hopes of frivalizing them. i adore secrets; but dont tell me yours, i'll only tell the world. i'd love you if you wore rainboots everyday, i'd love myself more if i wore rainboots. i like napping with my jeans on. showering with no light. shitty days at the shore. couped up playing cards. i hate new years, christmas, easter and wednesdays. if everyday was halloween, i wouldnt be complaining. standup comedy, awful presents, people who sing incorrect lyrics, and spelling make me terribly uncomfortable. i spelt fire wrong in the 6th grade spelling bee. in 5th grade i would steal money from my best friend's desk to buy cookies. in 4th grade a boy sold nude pictures of a girl he found on the internet. in 3rd grade i remember being jealous of a boy whos feet didnt touch the ground when he sat in our desks. in second grade i remember in the spring we made green sandwiches, i want a green sandwich now. in the1st grade mrs. byank threw a box of crayons at me, on purpose, i am sure of to this day. i remember thinking that 1994 was the most excellent year ever, and none would be as excellent; needless to say looking back its nothing to write home about. love being productive, i consistantly procrastinate. one time i took a nap on a picnic table. it was probably the best nap i've had in years. i'd do it again if given the chance, just not with the person i chose to keep me company. or rather no, i would do it all over again. living life without regrets is a wonderful concept, however unattainable. i like regrets. regrets help us learn. they force us to remember. so i want to let myself remember everything i pushed down. i push it all down. i want to allow myself to be myself in all aspects of everyday life. i want orginality. listen to yo la tengo: our way to fall, remember how i said i wouldnt talk music? yeah i obviously lied. full of irony. full of condradicton. full of shit mostly. i dance around subjects. i lie to myself; to keep myself afloat. i lie to others; just to sink my own ship in the end. i'm a self defeating self-help-book admirer. i'm ten million things i havent got the time (but wish i did) to list here. you'll probably never understand me, but don't ever stop trying.