Someone watching me eat
So today was going to be back to normal, except that it's totally not. Should I make it out of here alive, I have to book it to the gym, where I'm going to do as much work out as possible before some random girl I've never met appears to take pictures of me.
Fuck. This seemed so not a big deal until I really thought about it. The key to getting through this is to act like it's not a big deal, even though I'm totally going to freak out every minute this person is there.
How I got into this:
So obviously I have this trainer. The trainer has a brother. The brother has a girlfriend named Amy. The girlfriend has some friend doing a project on people making positive life changes. Sick obsessions with trainers aside, I can safely say that losing 90 pounds has been a positive life change. So after having a "casual chat" with Amy one day, she says I'd be perfect for this project her friend is doing, and asks if she can give her my name. Not really thinking too much about it, I said yes. In general, I like to be helpful, and I didn't really think she would do it. Rob had mentioned maybe me, maybe Carmen to her, but Carmen would never ever allow someone to take pictures of her. I, on the other hand, am closer to my goal and fuckit who cares anyway?
So now I'm having some random person show up to the gym, eat dinner with me, photograph me eating dinner, and then photograph me in the gym. My comfort level is not so high. Especially since she wanted to take pictures of me with Ryan, the person who runs my life, in more ways than was ever intended. I'd rather not involve Ryan, because well... I do tend to think of our training time as private. I'm not happy showcasing our relationship, which is certainly more complicated than the average trainer/trainee relationship. And I'm not talking about our friendship or my interest in him. I mean to say that I've been working with him for a long time now and the process has been fairly intense, with each of us expecting a lot of each other.
After all, in many ways, my expectations of Ryan are much higher and absolute than his of me. After all, all he expects of me is to do everything he tells me to. My expectations of him, on the other hand, are that if I do everything he tells me to, it will work. He has to come through, or we both fail, and I would imagine that the responsibility for me and everyone he works with has to be tiring after a time.
But all this is to say that I'm not sure I want Brittney, random person I've never met, photographing us.
Anyways, I have to go if I'm going to make it to Hi/Lo with Carmen.
Wish me luck!
Fuck. This seemed so not a big deal until I really thought about it. The key to getting through this is to act like it's not a big deal, even though I'm totally going to freak out every minute this person is there.
How I got into this:
So obviously I have this trainer. The trainer has a brother. The brother has a girlfriend named Amy. The girlfriend has some friend doing a project on people making positive life changes. Sick obsessions with trainers aside, I can safely say that losing 90 pounds has been a positive life change. So after having a "casual chat" with Amy one day, she says I'd be perfect for this project her friend is doing, and asks if she can give her my name. Not really thinking too much about it, I said yes. In general, I like to be helpful, and I didn't really think she would do it. Rob had mentioned maybe me, maybe Carmen to her, but Carmen would never ever allow someone to take pictures of her. I, on the other hand, am closer to my goal and fuckit who cares anyway?
So now I'm having some random person show up to the gym, eat dinner with me, photograph me eating dinner, and then photograph me in the gym. My comfort level is not so high. Especially since she wanted to take pictures of me with Ryan, the person who runs my life, in more ways than was ever intended. I'd rather not involve Ryan, because well... I do tend to think of our training time as private. I'm not happy showcasing our relationship, which is certainly more complicated than the average trainer/trainee relationship. And I'm not talking about our friendship or my interest in him. I mean to say that I've been working with him for a long time now and the process has been fairly intense, with each of us expecting a lot of each other.
After all, in many ways, my expectations of Ryan are much higher and absolute than his of me. After all, all he expects of me is to do everything he tells me to. My expectations of him, on the other hand, are that if I do everything he tells me to, it will work. He has to come through, or we both fail, and I would imagine that the responsibility for me and everyone he works with has to be tiring after a time.
But all this is to say that I'm not sure I want Brittney, random person I've never met, photographing us.
Anyways, I have to go if I'm going to make it to Hi/Lo with Carmen.
Wish me luck!