Beyond Repair (pre-6x01, Dean POV, PG)
Title: Beyond Repair
Author: Vera
Pairing(s): Dean/Lisa (mentioned)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 919
Warnings: no spoilers for s6, I made it all up
Summary: Post-Swan Song, Dean tries to adjust. The Impala refuses to.
The Impala broke down after only a few weeks. Dean was sure she didn’t forgive him for trying to domesticate her. All those short trips to work, to school to pick up Ben, shopping with Lisa… Hell, Dean could relate. It might have broken him as well, if it hadn’t already been done twice over.
She was missing the open roads, the highways. Driving for hours on end. Flooring it instead of having to stay within the city limits.
He could have probably fixed her back up. Hell, no, he knew he could have, but it was unfair to his baby. It would just prolong the torture. So he left her at Bobby’s for safekeeping and for use as he saw fit. Traded her in for a pick-up truck. It felt like betrayal so he made sure she was hidden under a tarp in Bobby’s junkyard before he drove off in the new car.
Lisa was pleased, of course. Probably saw it as a sign that he was moving on, settling down. That he’d accepted his new life and was leaving all the old baggage behind, hidden under that tarp along with the Impala. She was very appreciative that night and it was almost worth it. The next day Ben saw the car, snorted in disapproval and told him he was becoming just as lame as all the other dads.
Right then, Dean knew he’d made the right choice. But still.
He tried. He tired really, really hard. Fake it till you make it and all of that. Whiskey with his dinner, happily served to him by Lisa saying he deserved it after a hard day of work. Whiskey with his lunch, when no one was looking. Whiskey with his breakfast with the guys. Turned out construction workers these days were a fun bunch, damaged and disillusioned and not judging.
Dean smiled when it was appropriate, made the jokes himself when it was not. He stayed out of trouble, didn’t hustle pool, didn’t play cards, didn’t check the newspapers for suspicious behaviour or patterns of any kind. Didn’t harass Bobby for ways to bring Sam back. It was pointless. He knew Sam had done the same for him, and if Sam hadn’t found a way, Dean didn’t even have to try. And Castiel didn’t show up once.
Which was all kinds of fine with Dean. He didn’t want anything to do with it anymore. Heaven, hell, angels, demons. They could all just stay the fuck away.
Besides, he’d promised. Promised Sam he’d have a normal life. And it wasn’t all bad. Ben was awesome. Taking care of him gave him purpose, just like way back when, when it had been him and Sammy. Except for now he had Lisa as well. And she was awesome, too. Warm and soft and she still had that naughty streak that drew him to her all those years ago.
Yep, awesome. His new life was awesome. Just what he’d always wanted, what he’d dreamed about so many times but thought impossible for someone like him. Except for when there was a barbeque, uncle Sam didn’t show up with the steaks and uncle Sam also didn’t come to soccer practice to badmouth the other team with him. Ben didn’t even know his uncle Sam, only saw him that one time, when he was traumatized and didn’t even realize who Sam was.
All the things Sam could have taught him. Dean was horrible at helping with homework and it would only get worse as Ben grew up and went to college. Maybe Stanford. Become a lawyer. Yeah… Dean would like that.
Just, as much as Dean tried, Ben could never replace Sam. Dean was missing him like a limb. And even after months he’d catch himself turning around, grin on his face, ready to tell Sam a joke he’d just remembered, rile him up a little. But Sam was never there. Would never be around again. And as his face fell, he’d catch sight of Lisa watching him, see the sadness in her eyes, and feel like shit.
Each time he unlocked his new car, it just felt wrong. And it would never feel right. Nothing would ever feel right again. He knew he could have fixed up the Impala, but fixing the Impala always meant fixing himself in the process. Working on her calmed him down, gave him focus, perspective. If he could fix her even after the worst damage, even when everybody else had given her up, then it wasn’t too late for him either.
But he was scared. What if he fixed his baby this time, and it didn’t rub off? What if she broke down again two days later? What would that do to him? Worse, what if it worked and he’d heal and forget a little bit of Sam in the process? That would be unacceptable.
She was at Bobby’s. She was in a better place now. And that meant at least one of them was.
So one evening, roughly twelve months later, when he looked out his kitchen window and spotted Sam pulling up in front of his house in the Impala, Dean knew he’d fully lost it. He poured the rest of his drink down the drain and closed his eyes, laughing hysterically when the doorbell rang. Man, his hallucinations had seen better days. At least there used to be a semblance of reality still within them. But this? He really had to lay off the cheap whiskey.
Author: Vera
Pairing(s): Dean/Lisa (mentioned)
Rating: PG
Word Count: 919
Warnings: no spoilers for s6, I made it all up
Summary: Post-Swan Song, Dean tries to adjust. The Impala refuses to.
The Impala broke down after only a few weeks. Dean was sure she didn’t forgive him for trying to domesticate her. All those short trips to work, to school to pick up Ben, shopping with Lisa… Hell, Dean could relate. It might have broken him as well, if it hadn’t already been done twice over.
She was missing the open roads, the highways. Driving for hours on end. Flooring it instead of having to stay within the city limits.
He could have probably fixed her back up. Hell, no, he knew he could have, but it was unfair to his baby. It would just prolong the torture. So he left her at Bobby’s for safekeeping and for use as he saw fit. Traded her in for a pick-up truck. It felt like betrayal so he made sure she was hidden under a tarp in Bobby’s junkyard before he drove off in the new car.
Lisa was pleased, of course. Probably saw it as a sign that he was moving on, settling down. That he’d accepted his new life and was leaving all the old baggage behind, hidden under that tarp along with the Impala. She was very appreciative that night and it was almost worth it. The next day Ben saw the car, snorted in disapproval and told him he was becoming just as lame as all the other dads.
Right then, Dean knew he’d made the right choice. But still.
He tried. He tired really, really hard. Fake it till you make it and all of that. Whiskey with his dinner, happily served to him by Lisa saying he deserved it after a hard day of work. Whiskey with his lunch, when no one was looking. Whiskey with his breakfast with the guys. Turned out construction workers these days were a fun bunch, damaged and disillusioned and not judging.
Dean smiled when it was appropriate, made the jokes himself when it was not. He stayed out of trouble, didn’t hustle pool, didn’t play cards, didn’t check the newspapers for suspicious behaviour or patterns of any kind. Didn’t harass Bobby for ways to bring Sam back. It was pointless. He knew Sam had done the same for him, and if Sam hadn’t found a way, Dean didn’t even have to try. And Castiel didn’t show up once.
Which was all kinds of fine with Dean. He didn’t want anything to do with it anymore. Heaven, hell, angels, demons. They could all just stay the fuck away.
Besides, he’d promised. Promised Sam he’d have a normal life. And it wasn’t all bad. Ben was awesome. Taking care of him gave him purpose, just like way back when, when it had been him and Sammy. Except for now he had Lisa as well. And she was awesome, too. Warm and soft and she still had that naughty streak that drew him to her all those years ago.
Yep, awesome. His new life was awesome. Just what he’d always wanted, what he’d dreamed about so many times but thought impossible for someone like him. Except for when there was a barbeque, uncle Sam didn’t show up with the steaks and uncle Sam also didn’t come to soccer practice to badmouth the other team with him. Ben didn’t even know his uncle Sam, only saw him that one time, when he was traumatized and didn’t even realize who Sam was.
All the things Sam could have taught him. Dean was horrible at helping with homework and it would only get worse as Ben grew up and went to college. Maybe Stanford. Become a lawyer. Yeah… Dean would like that.
Just, as much as Dean tried, Ben could never replace Sam. Dean was missing him like a limb. And even after months he’d catch himself turning around, grin on his face, ready to tell Sam a joke he’d just remembered, rile him up a little. But Sam was never there. Would never be around again. And as his face fell, he’d catch sight of Lisa watching him, see the sadness in her eyes, and feel like shit.
Each time he unlocked his new car, it just felt wrong. And it would never feel right. Nothing would ever feel right again. He knew he could have fixed up the Impala, but fixing the Impala always meant fixing himself in the process. Working on her calmed him down, gave him focus, perspective. If he could fix her even after the worst damage, even when everybody else had given her up, then it wasn’t too late for him either.
But he was scared. What if he fixed his baby this time, and it didn’t rub off? What if she broke down again two days later? What would that do to him? Worse, what if it worked and he’d heal and forget a little bit of Sam in the process? That would be unacceptable.
She was at Bobby’s. She was in a better place now. And that meant at least one of them was.
So one evening, roughly twelve months later, when he looked out his kitchen window and spotted Sam pulling up in front of his house in the Impala, Dean knew he’d fully lost it. He poured the rest of his drink down the drain and closed his eyes, laughing hysterically when the doorbell rang. Man, his hallucinations had seen better days. At least there used to be a semblance of reality still within them. But this? He really had to lay off the cheap whiskey.