Practical Application

[ratherastory]

I gave myself a birthday present of producing plotless and badly-written angst.

Title: Practical Application
Summary: Everything's still wrong. Dean pulls a drunken confession out of Sam, but he's pretty sure he doesn't know how to fix it. No plot, just angst.
Spoilers: General spoilers for all of Season 5.
Word Count: 2,573
Disclaimer: Kripke is

Comments

[tifaching]

I'd say you could leave off the neurotic author disclaimers because this fic was amazing. But the disclaimers are so entertaining that even if they are totally unnecessary I'd miss them if they were gone. I think that, just like the angels would bring Dean back as many times as it took, so too, would Lucifer bring back Sam. And, as you said, Sam, being Sam, would test that theory. I loved Dean wanting to leave Sam at the bar, but then remembering how often Sam had taken care of him in similar situations. Loved that Sam is deferring to Dean in everything and it's annoying Dean to death. Sam is annoying Dean to death and Sam can't even enjoy it because he's so messed up. Loved Sam apologizing for not being dead, and the effect that has on Dean. Excellent story as always and happy birthday!

[ratherastory]

Thanks. :)

Leaving off the Neurotic Author stuff would be akin to trying to chop off a leg, I think. I am a hopeless basket case when it comes to my writing. I just try to make them entertaining so people don't get *too* fed up with my waffling. ;)

Thank you for the birthday wishes!

Sam putting Lucifer to the test, out of desperation and sheer perverseness, made a lot of sense to me.

Sam is annoying Dean to death and Sam can't even enjoy it because he's so messed up.

I know. Any other time and Sam would have been reveling in it. Sad.

[borgmama1of5]

You broke me. I am in little pieces all over the keyboard.

You have the heartbreaking distance between them so real...

Happy Birthday. (I don't think I will ever ask you for a fic on my birthday...)

[ratherastory]

Thank you!

This one hurt me to write. Seasons 4 and 5 hurt me to watch them, because I hate that the boys aren't close anymore. I loved that bond they had in the first two seasons, the one that started unraveling after "Mystery Spot."

I want my boys back. :(

If you *do* want a fic on your birthday, I'll be happy to write it, but make sure you specify you want a happy ending. I'm sure I could write happy stuff if I put my mind to it. :P

[zoemathemata]

That was goooooood. That was really really really good.

And how you just mentioned all the scars but didn't go into a lot of detail... I find myself horrified by my own imagination as I also imagine Dean was.

you should give yourself more birthday presents like this.....

[ratherastory]

Hee! Thanks. :)

Yeah, I purposefully left all the scarring to the reader's imagination. I always find that people come up with far worse things than I ever can.

Poor boys. I was going to say they're having a crappy year, but it's been longer than that now, hasn't it? What, a crappy three years? Eeesh.

[primrose_1]

I've wondered about the comment myself. It makes sense to me that Sam would test it, but how heartbreaking to see the results! It's a wonderful piece of birthday indulgence and I'm very happy you shared!

[ratherastory]

I've seen fics before in which Sam attempted suicide, but I always wondered why. I mean, Lucifer specifically told him that he would just bring him back, as many times as it took.

So I thought about it, and it occurred to me that Sam might not just do it out of desperation (although that certainly would play a role), but just out of a perverse need to prove both himself and Lucifer wrong. He's contrary that way.

Poor Sam. Out of the two boys I feel worse for him, because he can't win for losing. No matter what he does, the best he can manage is "don't be evil," and while that may work for Google, I don't think it's very satisfying for a human being. Not to mention that it's pretty much impossible for him to atone for what he's done, and no one seems willing to extend forgiveness for it, which is what really needs to happen.

[pkwench]

Argh, I adore you and this fic. I cannot tell you the number of times that I've gone over that one little comment in my head. I'd actually gone the other way, Sam trying out of desperation vs. logic, but there's something so quietly chilling and heartbreaking and just so Sam about him testing a theory. You can see him doing it in some quiet place where no one will come running. Jesus. You're friggin' awesome.

[ratherastory]

*blushes madly*

Thank you. :)

That comment bugged the hell out of me. See, I figured it was a convenient loophole for the show to keep Sam alive, to answer the question of "Well, why doesn't Sam just kill himself to keep Lucifer from getting him?" Which is lame, lame, lame.

So I figured Sam would try to commit suicide anyway: partly out of desperation, but also because he's a stubborn, perverse creature who doesn't take anything anyone says at face value. Have we learned nothing from the first four seasons? Sam kicks and screams and balks and drags his feet every time someone tries to tell him "This is how this is going to work, and don't question it." Sam doesn't take ultimatums well, won't go down without a fight.

So it made sense to me that he'd find a quiet spot and just try until he couldn't anymore