Old Fic - Internal Injuries: BA's POV (A-Team)
Surfing the web, I came across some of my old fan fiction, archived on The A-Slash website. Not my first fic, although one of my longer stays within a specific community. This is also the mailing-list where I first used the nom de plume "Capt. Ratgirl" The A-Team were my muses for nearly a year, and what prolific inspirations they were! Although, like usual, I have very few completed stories to show, there are over 90+ snippets and story pieces on my old CTX laptop. Some range from barely a paragraph while others are dozens of pages.
For those with no idea who or what the A-Team was, this story occurs during the Vietnam War, long before the start of the series. Here is a good A-Team FAQ.
Here, for your perusal, is the first of two related stories, pieces which I wrote to explore two very different voices.
Author:s Capt. Ratgirl
Summary: BA learns about the relationship between his superior officers
Warnings: Implied slash (H/F - sorry...nothin' graphic)
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
They stare at me. Constantly. Day and night. When I eat, when I work. Even when I piss. 'specially when I got my weenie out. Stare at me like they afraid of me.
Good.
Feedin' time, again. Bowl of rice ain't much, but it's better than nothin'. Still, cain't help but wish for a dinner made by my mama. Today 'specially. Faceman says it's Thanksgivin'. He keeping track for the rest of us.
If anybody back home could see us right now, they wouldn't think we got much to be thankful for. All of us half-starved and dressed in rags, dirty and diseased. Don't got no turkey, no dressin' or cranberries or pum'kin pie.
But we are alive.
-----
Now here they come bringin' back that pilot again. He don't look so good. That fool ain't never done nothin' 'cept fly them choppers. Ain't none of us who deserve this kinda treatment, but he an' the colonel get it special. The colonel, 'cause he the
ranking officer. And the fool 'cause a his flyin'. Makes the VietCong think he work for the CIA or some nonsense.
They toss him in and he don't even cry out. That ain't good.
I put some of my rice in his bowl. Man needs to eat and keep his strength up when they poundin' him like that. I don't wanna wake him up but I gotta get him to eat. I shake him and call his name but he don't even whimper 'til I get mad and growl.
"Uhh?" he says. It ain't the smartest thing I ever heard outta him.
I don't ask him if he hurts. We all do. I just hold out the bowl an' tell him to eat.
He stares at me like the VC do, like he ain't never seen me before. Ain't surprising, with what they tryin' to do to him. 'Sides, I don't think I'd know my own reflection, either. My own mama wouldn't know me for her baby Scooter.
I tell the fool to eat. He doesn't even look at the food, just closes his eyes. I ain't putting up with it. We been though this before.
When I was a baby, my mama would try to get me to eat all the vegetables on my plate by tellin' me 'bout the kids starvin' in China. Don't think that'd work here.
Man, as much as I hate Hannibal's strategies, sometimes the front door's the only way to go. Murdock don't seem to care for it much, but he don't seem to care for much of anything anymore.
I push the food in his mouth an' hold it shut 'til he either gotta chew an' swallow or choke. Sometimes I don't know what he gonna do. I don't think he know either.
We get halfway though when he shakes his head and says, "No more." Tha's the way it goes. No matter how much in a bowl, he only willin' to eat half. It ain't no use to try and feed him more. But with what I added, half is almost a full meal. He eats most of his then watches me to make sure I finish all th' rest, mine an' his.
Face is walkin' by us now on his way to the trench. He makes the run even more than that Ray. Got the shits something bad. It's also an excuse to keep in contact, 'though I'm sure the Faceman wished there were some other way. Wish there didn't have to be a way.
He don't look at us, no eye contact, but he blinks like the sun's too bright or somethin'. A note. Lieutenant gots a note for us, probably from Hannibal. Another set of winks. Then he's gone, but I'm ready an' waiting for when he comes back. He wanders a little too close to our cage and drops it just within my reach. Nobody's looking, so I grab it up quick. It's from the colonel. It ain't good news. We gonna be moved, maybe even split up. So he overheard. His Vietnamese ain't as good as Murdock's, but he knows enough to be sure of what they said. We get split up, we ain't never gonna see each other again. The VC make sure of that.
The fool's starin' up at the sky again. The beatings ain't the worst of it for him, I know. For some reason, the man likes the sky better than the ground. Like God made a mistake and made him born as a man 'stead of a bird.
He got the brain of a bird, that's for sure.
'Course, right now, even I'd get on a chopper willin'ly. 'Specially if it meant I'd see my mama again.
Maybe that's why the fool gone so crazy. He an' the Faceman ain't got no mamas to go home to. Faceman don't even got a dad. Don't know 'bout Murdock. He don't talk 'bout home much. But no matter what happens, I know my mama'll be waitin' for me, even if I don't ever come back.
Not havin' my mama...That'd be even worse than bein' here. I cain't 'magine not having my mama 'round. Maybe that'd be why Faceman and the fool is so close, like brothers. They real protective of each other. Almost like they tryin' to fill in bein' mama for one 'nother.
If Face were in this cage, he wouldn't have no problem gettin' Murdock to eat. The fool would do anything for that kid. 'Course, just 'bout anybody do anything for the Faceman. He got the talent to get people to do what he wants. Everybody 'cept maybe Hannibal.
Hannibal. He's the reason we still alive. Me and Faceman woulda been locked up for insubordination and such if it weren't for the colonel. Ray woulda killed himself, either quick in the jungle or slow with drugs and booze. And Murdock...I ain't quite figured him out yet an' not sure I wanna. Man's a fool, seein' and talkin' to things that aren't there. Hannibal won't say where he picked him up, but I don't think it was under good circumstances. That ain't the way Hannibal does things.
Lots a time to think when you cain't do nothin' or go nowhere. Too much time...
Murdock's got his eyes on me. He's starin' at me, not even blinkin'. "Whatcha want, foo'?" I ask. Normal times, it'd be a growl. Now I jus' cain't get the energy to get mad.
"Wha'd tha colonel wan'?" He's talkin' funny 'cause of the split lip the guards gave him. Plus he probally got a concussion, too. Don't think he can take much more.
I shift my weight. Don't know what to tell him. If the Team got split, wouldn't be no way for me to protect the fool. Not that I'm doin' that great of a job here, but at least if he's caged with me, the guards cain't play with him behind the general's back. Ain't many women 'round here. We don't think 'bout it much, too worried 'bout just survivin'. But the guards, they get frustrated som'times. Take it out on us, whatever way they can. Pretty boys like Face, 'specially.
The fool's still looking at me, waitin'. He ain't taken much interest in the world, lately. Even stopped tryin' to teach that cook, Lin, to sing. But now all I got is bad news.
I gotta think. Gotta think like Hannibal. The man is crazy. He's almost more of a fool than the fool beside me. He ain't gonna wanna see us split up. He gonna be on the Jazz, thinkin' up a way for us to stay together. Only way I know that is...
Escape.
Aw, man! I cain't tell the fool that! What if it's not what Hannibal's thinkin'? How could he not be thinkin' it? Man, I ain't good with this stuff. Gimme somethin' solid, somethin' with gears and pistons an' I can fix her into anything you want. Hannibal's the one with the plans and all. He and Faceman be the ones good with people.
"Wha'd he wan'?"
"Nothin'. Just wanting to see if we still alive." I ain't the one for scams, but Murdock seems to believe me. Or he don't care no more.
"Are we?"
"Are we what, fool?"
"Are we alive?"
I don't know how to answer. Alive, but not. We's stuck between Earth and Hell. Heaven ain't in sight.
-----
Darkness comes and I cain't stop thinkin' 'bout what the fool said. Are we alive? Maybe we ain't. Maybe we all dead, all of us killed in that chopper wreck. I didn't think we was gonna survive. Maybe I was right an' we didn't. Then is this Hell?
Sure feels like it.
We all done bad things, callin' it 'war'. Me an' Hannibal an' Faceman an' Ray. Even Murdock and that Jones kid an' he only been In-Country a couple weeks. Soldiers are expected to go out an' kill and be killed. That don't mean it's right, 'specially not to God.
"BA?" The fool's voice, barely louder than the wind, nearly scares me outta my skin.
"Hush up, now," I order. Rank don' mean much here, in this cage.
"Can't. Gotta tell...somebody."
He ain't gonna sleep 'til he gets it out in the air, whatever it is.
"BA, I got something...something broke..."
"You hurtin' bad?"
"Yeah, real bad." For the first time in a long while, I hear some emotion in his voice. Been so long, I ain't sure what he's feelin'. Never been too sure, come to think of it.
"Where you hurt?" I ask. I checked him over earlier. Didn't see nothin' wrong. "Internal? They bust an organ?"
He laughs quietly. "Yeah, BA. Internal injury. I...oh, shit..."
Forgettin' the guards, I turn to check on him. He's curled up, cryin'. Ain't seen him cry for a long time either.
"BA," he's sobbin'. "BA, I don't think I can go any farther. Can't. You gotta tell him. I ain't never gonna see him 'gain, so you gotta tell him for me."
I grab him up. "Shu'up," I whisper. "You gonna call the guards. You wan' that?"
He shudders, shakes his head. "N-no, no. But, BA..."
"We gonna get outta here together, man. Hannibal ain't gonna leave none of us behind."
"Just in case, BA," he pleads, eyes shiny with tears and moonlight. "Please, you gotta tell him..."
He ain't makin' sense and I tell him so. He's quiet for a long time, lookin' out over the camp. He's got that glazed statement and I know he ain't here. He's thinkin' 'bout something, someplace, someone far 'way from here. Or maybe not. He's got his eyes locked on Hannibal and Faceman's cage, on the other side of camp. Cain't see it from here. The way's blocked by the 'schoolroom', but that's the way the fool is lookin'.
I'm 'bout to lay back down when the fool talks again. "BA," he says, "BA promise me that you'll tell him if..."
He don't need to go into all those 'If's'. If he don't make it, if they kill him tomorrow or if he decides to spare them the trouble. I nod. Cain't do nothin' else. Then he tells me the secret he's been holding so close to his heart and I understand what he meant when he said something was broken.
Maybe once it woulda bugged me. Maybe I woulda beat the shit outta him for even suggestin' it in front of me. But here, in this camp, ain't nothin' as simple as it used to be. I don't know if it's true. Don't know how two men could do that, but it explains somethings. Wanna deny it, but I seen too much in their relationship.
Once, I mighta turned my back on the fool or tried to beat him into the ground. Now I gather him close, holdin' him until the moon sets and wondering how I could never see the relationship between Faceman and the colonel. An' how they could never see how much it was hurtin' the fool to have ta watch.
For those with no idea who or what the A-Team was, this story occurs during the Vietnam War, long before the start of the series. Here is a good A-Team FAQ.
Here, for your perusal, is the first of two related stories, pieces which I wrote to explore two very different voices.
Author:s Capt. Ratgirl
Summary: BA learns about the relationship between his superior officers
Warnings: Implied slash (H/F - sorry...nothin' graphic)
~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~
They stare at me. Constantly. Day and night. When I eat, when I work. Even when I piss. 'specially when I got my weenie out. Stare at me like they afraid of me.
Good.
Feedin' time, again. Bowl of rice ain't much, but it's better than nothin'. Still, cain't help but wish for a dinner made by my mama. Today 'specially. Faceman says it's Thanksgivin'. He keeping track for the rest of us.
If anybody back home could see us right now, they wouldn't think we got much to be thankful for. All of us half-starved and dressed in rags, dirty and diseased. Don't got no turkey, no dressin' or cranberries or pum'kin pie.
But we are alive.
-----
Now here they come bringin' back that pilot again. He don't look so good. That fool ain't never done nothin' 'cept fly them choppers. Ain't none of us who deserve this kinda treatment, but he an' the colonel get it special. The colonel, 'cause he the
ranking officer. And the fool 'cause a his flyin'. Makes the VietCong think he work for the CIA or some nonsense.
They toss him in and he don't even cry out. That ain't good.
I put some of my rice in his bowl. Man needs to eat and keep his strength up when they poundin' him like that. I don't wanna wake him up but I gotta get him to eat. I shake him and call his name but he don't even whimper 'til I get mad and growl.
"Uhh?" he says. It ain't the smartest thing I ever heard outta him.
I don't ask him if he hurts. We all do. I just hold out the bowl an' tell him to eat.
He stares at me like the VC do, like he ain't never seen me before. Ain't surprising, with what they tryin' to do to him. 'Sides, I don't think I'd know my own reflection, either. My own mama wouldn't know me for her baby Scooter.
I tell the fool to eat. He doesn't even look at the food, just closes his eyes. I ain't putting up with it. We been though this before.
When I was a baby, my mama would try to get me to eat all the vegetables on my plate by tellin' me 'bout the kids starvin' in China. Don't think that'd work here.
Man, as much as I hate Hannibal's strategies, sometimes the front door's the only way to go. Murdock don't seem to care for it much, but he don't seem to care for much of anything anymore.
I push the food in his mouth an' hold it shut 'til he either gotta chew an' swallow or choke. Sometimes I don't know what he gonna do. I don't think he know either.
We get halfway though when he shakes his head and says, "No more." Tha's the way it goes. No matter how much in a bowl, he only willin' to eat half. It ain't no use to try and feed him more. But with what I added, half is almost a full meal. He eats most of his then watches me to make sure I finish all th' rest, mine an' his.
Face is walkin' by us now on his way to the trench. He makes the run even more than that Ray. Got the shits something bad. It's also an excuse to keep in contact, 'though I'm sure the Faceman wished there were some other way. Wish there didn't have to be a way.
He don't look at us, no eye contact, but he blinks like the sun's too bright or somethin'. A note. Lieutenant gots a note for us, probably from Hannibal. Another set of winks. Then he's gone, but I'm ready an' waiting for when he comes back. He wanders a little too close to our cage and drops it just within my reach. Nobody's looking, so I grab it up quick. It's from the colonel. It ain't good news. We gonna be moved, maybe even split up. So he overheard. His Vietnamese ain't as good as Murdock's, but he knows enough to be sure of what they said. We get split up, we ain't never gonna see each other again. The VC make sure of that.
The fool's starin' up at the sky again. The beatings ain't the worst of it for him, I know. For some reason, the man likes the sky better than the ground. Like God made a mistake and made him born as a man 'stead of a bird.
He got the brain of a bird, that's for sure.
'Course, right now, even I'd get on a chopper willin'ly. 'Specially if it meant I'd see my mama again.
Maybe that's why the fool gone so crazy. He an' the Faceman ain't got no mamas to go home to. Faceman don't even got a dad. Don't know 'bout Murdock. He don't talk 'bout home much. But no matter what happens, I know my mama'll be waitin' for me, even if I don't ever come back.
Not havin' my mama...That'd be even worse than bein' here. I cain't 'magine not having my mama 'round. Maybe that'd be why Faceman and the fool is so close, like brothers. They real protective of each other. Almost like they tryin' to fill in bein' mama for one 'nother.
If Face were in this cage, he wouldn't have no problem gettin' Murdock to eat. The fool would do anything for that kid. 'Course, just 'bout anybody do anything for the Faceman. He got the talent to get people to do what he wants. Everybody 'cept maybe Hannibal.
Hannibal. He's the reason we still alive. Me and Faceman woulda been locked up for insubordination and such if it weren't for the colonel. Ray woulda killed himself, either quick in the jungle or slow with drugs and booze. And Murdock...I ain't quite figured him out yet an' not sure I wanna. Man's a fool, seein' and talkin' to things that aren't there. Hannibal won't say where he picked him up, but I don't think it was under good circumstances. That ain't the way Hannibal does things.
Lots a time to think when you cain't do nothin' or go nowhere. Too much time...
Murdock's got his eyes on me. He's starin' at me, not even blinkin'. "Whatcha want, foo'?" I ask. Normal times, it'd be a growl. Now I jus' cain't get the energy to get mad.
"Wha'd tha colonel wan'?" He's talkin' funny 'cause of the split lip the guards gave him. Plus he probally got a concussion, too. Don't think he can take much more.
I shift my weight. Don't know what to tell him. If the Team got split, wouldn't be no way for me to protect the fool. Not that I'm doin' that great of a job here, but at least if he's caged with me, the guards cain't play with him behind the general's back. Ain't many women 'round here. We don't think 'bout it much, too worried 'bout just survivin'. But the guards, they get frustrated som'times. Take it out on us, whatever way they can. Pretty boys like Face, 'specially.
The fool's still looking at me, waitin'. He ain't taken much interest in the world, lately. Even stopped tryin' to teach that cook, Lin, to sing. But now all I got is bad news.
I gotta think. Gotta think like Hannibal. The man is crazy. He's almost more of a fool than the fool beside me. He ain't gonna wanna see us split up. He gonna be on the Jazz, thinkin' up a way for us to stay together. Only way I know that is...
Escape.
Aw, man! I cain't tell the fool that! What if it's not what Hannibal's thinkin'? How could he not be thinkin' it? Man, I ain't good with this stuff. Gimme somethin' solid, somethin' with gears and pistons an' I can fix her into anything you want. Hannibal's the one with the plans and all. He and Faceman be the ones good with people.
"Wha'd he wan'?"
"Nothin'. Just wanting to see if we still alive." I ain't the one for scams, but Murdock seems to believe me. Or he don't care no more.
"Are we?"
"Are we what, fool?"
"Are we alive?"
I don't know how to answer. Alive, but not. We's stuck between Earth and Hell. Heaven ain't in sight.
-----
Darkness comes and I cain't stop thinkin' 'bout what the fool said. Are we alive? Maybe we ain't. Maybe we all dead, all of us killed in that chopper wreck. I didn't think we was gonna survive. Maybe I was right an' we didn't. Then is this Hell?
Sure feels like it.
We all done bad things, callin' it 'war'. Me an' Hannibal an' Faceman an' Ray. Even Murdock and that Jones kid an' he only been In-Country a couple weeks. Soldiers are expected to go out an' kill and be killed. That don't mean it's right, 'specially not to God.
"BA?" The fool's voice, barely louder than the wind, nearly scares me outta my skin.
"Hush up, now," I order. Rank don' mean much here, in this cage.
"Can't. Gotta tell...somebody."
He ain't gonna sleep 'til he gets it out in the air, whatever it is.
"BA, I got something...something broke..."
"You hurtin' bad?"
"Yeah, real bad." For the first time in a long while, I hear some emotion in his voice. Been so long, I ain't sure what he's feelin'. Never been too sure, come to think of it.
"Where you hurt?" I ask. I checked him over earlier. Didn't see nothin' wrong. "Internal? They bust an organ?"
He laughs quietly. "Yeah, BA. Internal injury. I...oh, shit..."
Forgettin' the guards, I turn to check on him. He's curled up, cryin'. Ain't seen him cry for a long time either.
"BA," he's sobbin'. "BA, I don't think I can go any farther. Can't. You gotta tell him. I ain't never gonna see him 'gain, so you gotta tell him for me."
I grab him up. "Shu'up," I whisper. "You gonna call the guards. You wan' that?"
He shudders, shakes his head. "N-no, no. But, BA..."
"We gonna get outta here together, man. Hannibal ain't gonna leave none of us behind."
"Just in case, BA," he pleads, eyes shiny with tears and moonlight. "Please, you gotta tell him..."
He ain't makin' sense and I tell him so. He's quiet for a long time, lookin' out over the camp. He's got that glazed statement and I know he ain't here. He's thinkin' 'bout something, someplace, someone far 'way from here. Or maybe not. He's got his eyes locked on Hannibal and Faceman's cage, on the other side of camp. Cain't see it from here. The way's blocked by the 'schoolroom', but that's the way the fool is lookin'.
I'm 'bout to lay back down when the fool talks again. "BA," he says, "BA promise me that you'll tell him if..."
He don't need to go into all those 'If's'. If he don't make it, if they kill him tomorrow or if he decides to spare them the trouble. I nod. Cain't do nothin' else. Then he tells me the secret he's been holding so close to his heart and I understand what he meant when he said something was broken.
Maybe once it woulda bugged me. Maybe I woulda beat the shit outta him for even suggestin' it in front of me. But here, in this camp, ain't nothin' as simple as it used to be. I don't know if it's true. Don't know how two men could do that, but it explains somethings. Wanna deny it, but I seen too much in their relationship.
Once, I mighta turned my back on the fool or tried to beat him into the ground. Now I gather him close, holdin' him until the moon sets and wondering how I could never see the relationship between Faceman and the colonel. An' how they could never see how much it was hurtin' the fool to have ta watch.