NEXT!
I have just watched the most horrible episode of NEXT! ever shown on MTV. I am sorry, brain cells - I have failed you... Please come back from the dead. I promise I'll treat you all better...
The guy wasn't even that hot. I think he was a reject for I Want A Famous Face: Freddie Prinze Jr As A Drug Addict. And he says he's a model? Bitch, please. Somebody tell me, was the talent scout who found him blind? I wonder what kind of model he is. He's probably the kind of model that ugly, talentless people look at to make themselves feel better. And at least most ugly people have nice personalities or similarly redeeming qualities. He NEXT!ed one girl for dressing up as a whoretastic housewife because he doesn't like girls with domestic tendencies. He NEXT!ed the next girl because she kept pointing out the words he was mispronouncing in his poem. Well SHIT, if you're going to write a crap poem, at least use words you can pronounce out loud, you know? What a posseur. The girl looked like she was about to cry. Be strong, girl: you're not losing out on anything at all. In fact, consider yourself lucky.
The girls weren't all that, either. One of the girls had an ingenious plan to seduce the Magniloquent Model: "I am going to show him my boobs!" She whispered solemnly to the camera. She paused for dramatic emphasis, and then added, "Both of them." WOOOOOOW. I think we've found our Weapons of Mass Distraction right there. What a brilliant woman. She is going to flash him her boobs -- both of them -- to distract him from looking at her face. So far, she is the smartest one of the group.
The girl who pointed out words described herself as "feeling sorry for ugly people." And to her, I want to ask if there's a charity in her name that I can donate to. You know what she looked like? She looked like an Asian version of Tina Turner right after Ike Turner just beat the shit out of her face, except I'm quite positive she was born looking that way. To make it worse, she had on so much make-up that even the blind would be compelled to tell her, "Damn, skank, you're hurting MY EYES!"
Ooh, it's a marathon! I'm going to get some juice and a snack to munch on.
The guy wasn't even that hot. I think he was a reject for I Want A Famous Face: Freddie Prinze Jr As A Drug Addict. And he says he's a model? Bitch, please. Somebody tell me, was the talent scout who found him blind? I wonder what kind of model he is. He's probably the kind of model that ugly, talentless people look at to make themselves feel better. And at least most ugly people have nice personalities or similarly redeeming qualities. He NEXT!ed one girl for dressing up as a whoretastic housewife because he doesn't like girls with domestic tendencies. He NEXT!ed the next girl because she kept pointing out the words he was mispronouncing in his poem. Well SHIT, if you're going to write a crap poem, at least use words you can pronounce out loud, you know? What a posseur. The girl looked like she was about to cry. Be strong, girl: you're not losing out on anything at all. In fact, consider yourself lucky.
The girls weren't all that, either. One of the girls had an ingenious plan to seduce the Magniloquent Model: "I am going to show him my boobs!" She whispered solemnly to the camera. She paused for dramatic emphasis, and then added, "Both of them." WOOOOOOW. I think we've found our Weapons of Mass Distraction right there. What a brilliant woman. She is going to flash him her boobs -- both of them -- to distract him from looking at her face. So far, she is the smartest one of the group.
The girl who pointed out words described herself as "feeling sorry for ugly people." And to her, I want to ask if there's a charity in her name that I can donate to. You know what she looked like? She looked like an Asian version of Tina Turner right after Ike Turner just beat the shit out of her face, except I'm quite positive she was born looking that way. To make it worse, she had on so much make-up that even the blind would be compelled to tell her, "Damn, skank, you're hurting MY EYES!"
Ooh, it's a marathon! I'm going to get some juice and a snack to munch on.