It needed to be done!
I posted this after watching the worst movie known to man on the IMDB movie forum. For the posts of the people I rape go to http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0384833/board/flat/12347373?d=12347373#12347373
I don't even know where to start, so I'm going to begin with the first post and go down the line. First off; destillat. I hope for your own sake that your 9; in fact, it's not for your sake, it's for my sake, just so I will be able to sleep at night. When I read your review I thought to myself; "Wow, I like murder, and I LOVE fish, so it MUST be the movie for me!". The simple sentence "I enjoyed this movie very much because of the somewhat thematic elements..." should be a giant red light flashing "WARNING! MORON!" over and over and OVER again! Now, as for the saliva. There was no saliva. There never was saliva, and there never will be... Oh wait, I forgot, the script was about as creative A MACARONI ENCRUSTED PENCIL HOLDER, so I wouldn't be surprised if they DID have "acidy saliva". And 'Franky'? Honestly, stick to goldfish, please. At the very least refrain from sharing. As for the comic touch, I will agree; it was nice. About halfway through the movie I was crying tears of mirth; a direct result of how BAD THIS MOVIE WAS! That is all for you; next.
mrcameron: I really don't have much for you, so we can make this quick. Firstly, winning an Oscar is a GOOD thing, so saying that "these movies are going to be Oscar winners, but they are entertaining and that is their purpose" is completely asinine. At least you know a movies purpose is to be entertaining though, kudos to you. Here is where you broke my heart. You were so close, so very, VERY close. You were on the train that is conscious attentive movie watching and then, for reasons unknown to me (possibly being INCREDIBLY inebriated), you decided you were too good for the train and you wanted to walk. Pipes?! Honestly, PIPES?! Lets see: Riccardo HAD a shotgun, he had USED the shotgun SEVERAL times, it showed him DROP the shotgun when he was attacked, and you can see the stock when it goes off! :sigh:
earmenow33, I got nothing against you. In fact, I praise you for actually watching the movie, well done.
krysfamulan you are a godsend. Thank you SO much for pointing out even just a few of the MANY completely idiotic parts of this movie. You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar, and I shake your hand.
queptor, I agree. That was very mean spirited. Very mean spirited indeed...
malfunctioning_po_rn_bot..... Ok. The only thing right about your entire post was your name. You obviously think with the wrong head, and you're DEFINATLY malfunctioning. I hope you get beaten to death with a rubber sex toy, like that guy from 'Hogan's Heros'.
RINKYMOMMA-1 we have very different taste in movies. You read the cover and want to see it. I read the cover and it's a choice between 'Frankenfish' (simply to laugh at; although by the end it was so bad I wanted to cry) and my friends trying to make me rent 'Buckaroo Bonzai' (Also a disastrous movie). Good thoughts on the ending though, at least SOMEONE wrote down something other than "WOW! Good movie! I'm an idiot! BOOBIES!".
The Movie Defender you obviously have issues. And I won't ask. I didn't want to know there was something to ask about. In fact I hate you for mentioning it.
Now for the fun part; my own professional opinion. This movie was a void. On a scale of 1 to 10 I would give it a period ( . <-- One of those, for those of you who sound like you need a reminder) because its a BLACK HOLE. There is NOTHING even remotely well done about this movie. Lets start with Captain Bosom over there.
1. The only nude chicks in the movie were pug fugly.
2. Even though the two main women characters were gorgeous, neither of them is ever topless.
3. The lesbian scene was shot to pieces before it even started.
Enough said. Now, how about the infamous houseboat scene; in which all but THREE CHARACTERS are killed in a matter of minutes. Its like when they were writing this script they said to themselves "Hey, character development? Who needs that? Pass the cheetos Bob...". My favorite was the randomly added insightful comments. Like "it's not evil. It's an animal, just like any other predator...(para.)". Lines like this are like a little bit of a plot, sticking it's head out into the bright sunshine only to be blotted out by horrible writing, shoddy directing, and the worst story line known to man (yes, even worse than 'Starship Troopers 2'). Also, I would like to personally extend my congratulations to the screenwriter. I don't think I could have made a more obviously idiotic 'coincidence' happen, and to be followed so very abruptly by the propane tank being mysteriously propelled into Roland's houseboat! I could have shot my T.V. . The only thing even worth mentioning was the ending, which was mediocre to sub-par as monster flicks go. Let it be said that I have lost my faith in education and mankind as a whole. Do everyone a favor and NEVER procreate, please. Goodbye and I hope I never have to do this again.
I don't even know where to start, so I'm going to begin with the first post and go down the line. First off; destillat. I hope for your own sake that your 9; in fact, it's not for your sake, it's for my sake, just so I will be able to sleep at night. When I read your review I thought to myself; "Wow, I like murder, and I LOVE fish, so it MUST be the movie for me!". The simple sentence "I enjoyed this movie very much because of the somewhat thematic elements..." should be a giant red light flashing "WARNING! MORON!" over and over and OVER again! Now, as for the saliva. There was no saliva. There never was saliva, and there never will be... Oh wait, I forgot, the script was about as creative A MACARONI ENCRUSTED PENCIL HOLDER, so I wouldn't be surprised if they DID have "acidy saliva". And 'Franky'? Honestly, stick to goldfish, please. At the very least refrain from sharing. As for the comic touch, I will agree; it was nice. About halfway through the movie I was crying tears of mirth; a direct result of how BAD THIS MOVIE WAS! That is all for you; next.
mrcameron: I really don't have much for you, so we can make this quick. Firstly, winning an Oscar is a GOOD thing, so saying that "these movies are going to be Oscar winners, but they are entertaining and that is their purpose" is completely asinine. At least you know a movies purpose is to be entertaining though, kudos to you. Here is where you broke my heart. You were so close, so very, VERY close. You were on the train that is conscious attentive movie watching and then, for reasons unknown to me (possibly being INCREDIBLY inebriated), you decided you were too good for the train and you wanted to walk. Pipes?! Honestly, PIPES?! Lets see: Riccardo HAD a shotgun, he had USED the shotgun SEVERAL times, it showed him DROP the shotgun when he was attacked, and you can see the stock when it goes off! :sigh:
earmenow33, I got nothing against you. In fact, I praise you for actually watching the movie, well done.
krysfamulan you are a godsend. Thank you SO much for pointing out even just a few of the MANY completely idiotic parts of this movie. You, sir, are a gentleman and a scholar, and I shake your hand.
queptor, I agree. That was very mean spirited. Very mean spirited indeed...
malfunctioning_po_rn_bot..... Ok. The only thing right about your entire post was your name. You obviously think with the wrong head, and you're DEFINATLY malfunctioning. I hope you get beaten to death with a rubber sex toy, like that guy from 'Hogan's Heros'.
RINKYMOMMA-1 we have very different taste in movies. You read the cover and want to see it. I read the cover and it's a choice between 'Frankenfish' (simply to laugh at; although by the end it was so bad I wanted to cry) and my friends trying to make me rent 'Buckaroo Bonzai' (Also a disastrous movie). Good thoughts on the ending though, at least SOMEONE wrote down something other than "WOW! Good movie! I'm an idiot! BOOBIES!".
The Movie Defender you obviously have issues. And I won't ask. I didn't want to know there was something to ask about. In fact I hate you for mentioning it.
Now for the fun part; my own professional opinion. This movie was a void. On a scale of 1 to 10 I would give it a period ( . <-- One of those, for those of you who sound like you need a reminder) because its a BLACK HOLE. There is NOTHING even remotely well done about this movie. Lets start with Captain Bosom over there.
1. The only nude chicks in the movie were pug fugly.
2. Even though the two main women characters were gorgeous, neither of them is ever topless.
3. The lesbian scene was shot to pieces before it even started.
Enough said. Now, how about the infamous houseboat scene; in which all but THREE CHARACTERS are killed in a matter of minutes. Its like when they were writing this script they said to themselves "Hey, character development? Who needs that? Pass the cheetos Bob...". My favorite was the randomly added insightful comments. Like "it's not evil. It's an animal, just like any other predator...(para.)". Lines like this are like a little bit of a plot, sticking it's head out into the bright sunshine only to be blotted out by horrible writing, shoddy directing, and the worst story line known to man (yes, even worse than 'Starship Troopers 2'). Also, I would like to personally extend my congratulations to the screenwriter. I don't think I could have made a more obviously idiotic 'coincidence' happen, and to be followed so very abruptly by the propane tank being mysteriously propelled into Roland's houseboat! I could have shot my T.V. . The only thing even worth mentioning was the ending, which was mediocre to sub-par as monster flicks go. Let it be said that I have lost my faith in education and mankind as a whole. Do everyone a favor and NEVER procreate, please. Goodbye and I hope I never have to do this again.