(no subject)
i didnt sleep last night a trick i usually save for a after a tough match but this was far more important than any physical test or feat. i stayd up and i sat and i thought all alone in the dark hour after hour running through every possible scenario every impossible scenario and trying to take it all in. no scenario worked even when my sleeped deprived body became delusional i could not find reason. caffeine. i sat up more and thought harder how can something so seemingly simple become such a daunting task? decesion one and decesion two is that really all i have? there is always another way and i am determined to figure it out. no tears. i honestly have no idea what im thinking or what im feeling im not even sure this is an emotion. im probably over reacting or maybe its the lack of sleep. i really dont know but i hate this and i wish i could just make it all go away. regret. i shouldnt have come. i should have let things be. it was fine i was fine everything was fine. but i came and i ruined everyones life. i should of stay'd where i belong. not here. i need to sleep but i know its not going to happen any time soon. perhaps another sleepless night will help bring everything into focus. so very confused. so very tired. thank you for your help.