reflection
i realized something. i'm not technically taking memoir writing next semester but.. haha i am anyways so i was looking at my memoirs and realized that within its pages lies stories of girls. now reading it, and not seeing any dates on any pages i see a major problem.
first i write about jac being my first love, then about how i fell for gilli, the i write abou thow reese and i breaking up has brought us closer, then i move to my admiration for tasha, then deep friendship with gette, then amy... and rounding it up with dani and tam. so most of my memoir consist of... girls... who hurt me. but in reality... of me hurting myself, it's written throughout my life, i rely on others to make me happy and have no fucking idea how to make myself happy. furthermore i realize that... i start off really liking the girl, wanting to be with her... yet then always just want friendship and someone to talk to. i think back on all the girls and am trying to think of who i really did crush on. and realize that only one i still hold a grudge against. dani. i can't start to explain how much i dislike her. i have never felt mad and sad and upset with someone ever. i would say hate but i only hate hitler and it's not fair to compare her ot him. i knew right away that i'd get over being upset with gilli and ren and mel, and tasha, and gette, and tam.. but i do not ever see myself forgiving her. i do not hold grudges. but i do now. she is my only regret. and i wish chris would ave never even brought her up tonight because now.. i can't stop crying.
first i write about jac being my first love, then about how i fell for gilli, the i write abou thow reese and i breaking up has brought us closer, then i move to my admiration for tasha, then deep friendship with gette, then amy... and rounding it up with dani and tam. so most of my memoir consist of... girls... who hurt me. but in reality... of me hurting myself, it's written throughout my life, i rely on others to make me happy and have no fucking idea how to make myself happy. furthermore i realize that... i start off really liking the girl, wanting to be with her... yet then always just want friendship and someone to talk to. i think back on all the girls and am trying to think of who i really did crush on. and realize that only one i still hold a grudge against. dani. i can't start to explain how much i dislike her. i have never felt mad and sad and upset with someone ever. i would say hate but i only hate hitler and it's not fair to compare her ot him. i knew right away that i'd get over being upset with gilli and ren and mel, and tasha, and gette, and tam.. but i do not ever see myself forgiving her. i do not hold grudges. but i do now. she is my only regret. and i wish chris would ave never even brought her up tonight because now.. i can't stop crying.