Ω Eighty Two - The Truth in the Lie
[Filtered Away from the Unaffected, Except Rassilon.]
When I first heard that Rassilon had gotten caught up in the Last Great Time War, last because the Time Powers were subsequently destroyed, I wanted to graduate so that I could go and if not rescue him, be at his side when we died.
I decided I would graduate, so I did. By the time he arrived here, I was well on my way but so very glad to have him onboard. I was given an option to save him and be by his side.
I cannot describe how happy and relieved I was to have him. And despite the Doctor's whispering in our ears as if he were doing us some kind of favour instead of interfering, we expanded our relationship and started to explore its depths. I was largely happy that this had occurred though I found myself irked by Rassilon referring to me as 'his lover'.
While I accepted that as part of my identity, it is not the whole of it and since I rarely speak to those who he talks to, I found my identity being undervalued. Though I know that Rassilon did not intend this, I think he underestimated how important my identity is to me. It is literally the only thing that kept me from existing in the antimatter universe that served as my prison for billions of years when my body had been ripped from me and I was nothing but a will with a personality.
My identity is very important to me and I am aware that this place strips it occasionally and how I react depends greatly on how the 'other me' turns out like me. I often don't do well at all until Rassilon brings me out of it. However much of a bastard he is to everyone else, he is kind and wonderful to me.
This dissidence distresses me and while I know he shouldn't be the same with me as he is with everyone else, I think a basic respect is good and not too much to ask of him. He disagrees.
When he uses my name or the fact that I am a warden as some kind of shield against others, I feel increasingly isolated from the Barge at large because I don't want to appear as if I am that shield nor do I want to undercut his sensitive ego, I'm sure you've all seen it and do enough undercut it anyway.
When he threatens to kill anyone, I react like he's threatened me, because before I went into the blackhole that threw me into the antimatter universe, I was driven into a paranoid insanity and believed that he was behind the sabotage of the ship, when it was just an effect of the unstable space I was in and the sabotage of the deranged Vandkirian. I did not realise that it was merely an unfortunate accident until I emerged into the normal universe, eons later.
The 'Haunted House' port exacerbated this feeling and although in my mind, I know that Rassilon had no part in my exile, I still get deathly terrified whenever he does it. It's not even directed at me, so I feel ridiculous and ashamed.
But I love him. He consistantly makes me feel like I'm worthwhile and while this makes me feel uncomfortable, he uses me to give him a reason to not hurt others, though I would much prefer it is because he hasn't sufficient provocation and he's secure in himself.
I hope his graduation will give him this so he can be just what he needs to be, not what I or
his people nor any of you need him to be.
[OOC: Omega is not affected, he's just been listening to the TMI and figured he'd take advantage, which is why he's not directing any of this to the unaffected. He's also counting on the affected not wanting to mention it because the initial aftermath and being more concerned with their own confessions.]
When I first heard that Rassilon had gotten caught up in the Last Great Time War, last because the Time Powers were subsequently destroyed, I wanted to graduate so that I could go and if not rescue him, be at his side when we died.
I decided I would graduate, so I did. By the time he arrived here, I was well on my way but so very glad to have him onboard. I was given an option to save him and be by his side.
I cannot describe how happy and relieved I was to have him. And despite the Doctor's whispering in our ears as if he were doing us some kind of favour instead of interfering, we expanded our relationship and started to explore its depths. I was largely happy that this had occurred though I found myself irked by Rassilon referring to me as 'his lover'.
While I accepted that as part of my identity, it is not the whole of it and since I rarely speak to those who he talks to, I found my identity being undervalued. Though I know that Rassilon did not intend this, I think he underestimated how important my identity is to me. It is literally the only thing that kept me from existing in the antimatter universe that served as my prison for billions of years when my body had been ripped from me and I was nothing but a will with a personality.
My identity is very important to me and I am aware that this place strips it occasionally and how I react depends greatly on how the 'other me' turns out like me. I often don't do well at all until Rassilon brings me out of it. However much of a bastard he is to everyone else, he is kind and wonderful to me.
This dissidence distresses me and while I know he shouldn't be the same with me as he is with everyone else, I think a basic respect is good and not too much to ask of him. He disagrees.
When he uses my name or the fact that I am a warden as some kind of shield against others, I feel increasingly isolated from the Barge at large because I don't want to appear as if I am that shield nor do I want to undercut his sensitive ego, I'm sure you've all seen it and do enough undercut it anyway.
When he threatens to kill anyone, I react like he's threatened me, because before I went into the blackhole that threw me into the antimatter universe, I was driven into a paranoid insanity and believed that he was behind the sabotage of the ship, when it was just an effect of the unstable space I was in and the sabotage of the deranged Vandkirian. I did not realise that it was merely an unfortunate accident until I emerged into the normal universe, eons later.
The 'Haunted House' port exacerbated this feeling and although in my mind, I know that Rassilon had no part in my exile, I still get deathly terrified whenever he does it. It's not even directed at me, so I feel ridiculous and ashamed.
But I love him. He consistantly makes me feel like I'm worthwhile and while this makes me feel uncomfortable, he uses me to give him a reason to not hurt others, though I would much prefer it is because he hasn't sufficient provocation and he's secure in himself.
I hope his graduation will give him this so he can be just what he needs to be, not what I or
his people nor any of you need him to be.
[OOC: Omega is not affected, he's just been listening to the TMI and figured he'd take advantage, which is why he's not directing any of this to the unaffected. He's also counting on the affected not wanting to mention it because the initial aftermath and being more concerned with their own confessions.]