flashy new free
So im going into my sophomore year of college and there is only one thing I can be 100% sure about and that’s I wont make any promises to myself or anyone else. It’s not that I don’t think promises are important they keep you from becoming wishy washy; however I’ve become good at breaking promises I even make to myself.
Immediate news:
I’ve started seeing someone new and his names Shannon he’s fair, sweet, and kind I can’t complain. He makes me uncomfortable how comfortable he’s becoming with me and my family and it hurts because I’ve been waiting most of my life to meet someone gentle like him then I find myself second guessing my decision almost wishing I was single again. Which makes me wonder as I truly happier when im alone because I don’t feel bound or committed to someone? He talks to me when I fall asleep, how I know this you might ask well…I started going to sleep but woke back up and he was just jabbering away then he said:
‘I know you’ll never here this though Santana because your asleep but I feel like “I love you” and I never want to ruin that because I know your so into the moment and stuff im scared you might not love me back, goodnight honey.’
So yeah I’ve been in awhirl wind of emotion and confusion because I do care for him but im not capable of loving him I cant even love myself right now not like I use to; In other news the people I have phone sex with have been dropping off my radar like flies now there’s only one left Albert Valdez and im most scared of telling him because im a huge crutch in his life as wonderful as he is he has this awful complex he can’t/won’t shake and as ok as he’ll pretend to be it’ll hurt him in ways I don’t think soft words and reason can fix.
And to add to the wonders of life old problems have made an appearance back in my life things im not capable of handling but as much as I hate being rude I hate dealing with bullshit so their just going to have to take the short end of the stick and leave me alone because I WON’T be in any sort of condition to be effective in protecting myself from them. This has to be good for me to a certain extent right? Making me stronger? Maybe im just becoming indifferent and conditioning myself into being heartless.
In Short:
1. Shannon loves me and I don’t love him as much as he wants me to
2. Im more of a wreck then im letting anyone know
3. My problems are a constant annoyance I don’t think ill ever shake
4. Im making no promises about my future.
5. There is defiantly more to come…
Immediate news:
I’ve started seeing someone new and his names Shannon he’s fair, sweet, and kind I can’t complain. He makes me uncomfortable how comfortable he’s becoming with me and my family and it hurts because I’ve been waiting most of my life to meet someone gentle like him then I find myself second guessing my decision almost wishing I was single again. Which makes me wonder as I truly happier when im alone because I don’t feel bound or committed to someone? He talks to me when I fall asleep, how I know this you might ask well…I started going to sleep but woke back up and he was just jabbering away then he said:
‘I know you’ll never here this though Santana because your asleep but I feel like “I love you” and I never want to ruin that because I know your so into the moment and stuff im scared you might not love me back, goodnight honey.’
So yeah I’ve been in awhirl wind of emotion and confusion because I do care for him but im not capable of loving him I cant even love myself right now not like I use to; In other news the people I have phone sex with have been dropping off my radar like flies now there’s only one left Albert Valdez and im most scared of telling him because im a huge crutch in his life as wonderful as he is he has this awful complex he can’t/won’t shake and as ok as he’ll pretend to be it’ll hurt him in ways I don’t think soft words and reason can fix.
And to add to the wonders of life old problems have made an appearance back in my life things im not capable of handling but as much as I hate being rude I hate dealing with bullshit so their just going to have to take the short end of the stick and leave me alone because I WON’T be in any sort of condition to be effective in protecting myself from them. This has to be good for me to a certain extent right? Making me stronger? Maybe im just becoming indifferent and conditioning myself into being heartless.
In Short:
1. Shannon loves me and I don’t love him as much as he wants me to
2. Im more of a wreck then im letting anyone know
3. My problems are a constant annoyance I don’t think ill ever shake
4. Im making no promises about my future.
5. There is defiantly more to come…