(no subject)
Time to get the thoughts out of my head, and into my LJ. If I don't do this, I will go crazy.
The last month has been an absolute whirlwind. All of the things that I have wanted for the last couple of years happened within days of each other.
I married my beautiful beau Austin on the 17th of September. The wedding was everything that I had imagined and hoped that it would be. I danced until 4.30am, just as I had hoped. All of the speeches were so beautiful and emotive.
Within three days of our marriage, I was interviewed for a place at medical school. It is something that I have dreamed of, and rehearsed in my head many times in the last few years. I walked out of the three person panel interview, feeling positive and happy. Within two days I was second guessing my answers, and feeling as though I had let myself down. The questions and my answers keep playing over in my head, making me cringe and feel angry at myself for representing myself so poorly. Nerves were at a high, and I don't think my answers did me justice. I know that I would make a great doctor, I hope the panellists could see past my nervous answers and see my ability. I went back to work on Friday, and I think it was too soon given how much has been going on recently. Being surrounded by doctors and working in a job that I'm not completely happy in, when it is something I want so bad and fear that I will not get, has not helped.
I'm trying to figure out if is just one of my flaws, to pick at myself and think the worst of any attempt at achievement. I keep wanting reassurance, but what is the point of it? And who can really provide it? The decision would have alreay have been made. November the 9th will tell.
The last month has been an absolute whirlwind. All of the things that I have wanted for the last couple of years happened within days of each other.
I married my beautiful beau Austin on the 17th of September. The wedding was everything that I had imagined and hoped that it would be. I danced until 4.30am, just as I had hoped. All of the speeches were so beautiful and emotive.
Within three days of our marriage, I was interviewed for a place at medical school. It is something that I have dreamed of, and rehearsed in my head many times in the last few years. I walked out of the three person panel interview, feeling positive and happy. Within two days I was second guessing my answers, and feeling as though I had let myself down. The questions and my answers keep playing over in my head, making me cringe and feel angry at myself for representing myself so poorly. Nerves were at a high, and I don't think my answers did me justice. I know that I would make a great doctor, I hope the panellists could see past my nervous answers and see my ability. I went back to work on Friday, and I think it was too soon given how much has been going on recently. Being surrounded by doctors and working in a job that I'm not completely happy in, when it is something I want so bad and fear that I will not get, has not helped.
I'm trying to figure out if is just one of my flaws, to pick at myself and think the worst of any attempt at achievement. I keep wanting reassurance, but what is the point of it? And who can really provide it? The decision would have alreay have been made. November the 9th will tell.