On what planet is that appropriate?!
It's been awhile since I last posted, so I'll try to do a quick catch up before diving into why I'm blogging. I must admit, the Zola community has become my new place to vent, so most of my stress release has been there instead of here. This is not wedding related (and Elaine does occasionally go on there), so here we are.
We had another Penny incident. This time it was Lola she went after, which you would think would be a fair fight, but Lola is so unsure of herself that she just kind of ran away. We discovered filling the food bins is a trigger for Penny, so the next time we did it, Elaine went in the house with the bag of food while I waited in the car with the girls. They flashed the porch light to let me know it was safe to bring them in the house. We also took Penny to the vet for a behavioral analysis and now have her on Prozac (which is fun to fill at a pharmacy, considering the formulation isn't anything special, but the pharmacy still needs a DOB in their system). We go back for a follow up in about 3 weeks. We're trying a few other things the vet suggested to work on her impulse control, but last night's trip to Petco had way less shaking, so it's definitely an improvement.
The other big news is Elaine got a new job! Their last day at the LCMS college is Saturday. A friend I made through roller derby had started a biweekly virtual knit night, so we've gotten to know each other over the last year or so. She posted some openings at her organization (CompTIA, which is an IT certification/training organization) and one sounded like it was right up Elaine's alley, considering their other masters degree in Instructional Design. In addition to that, there is lots of room for growth, whereas really the only promotion Elaine could really get at a library is director, which is kind of hard to get to and might not even be what Elaine wants to do. We're both really excited for so many reasons. No more hiding who they are or lying about our relationship. And a $20k pay increase! It's in the southwest Chicago suburbs, so that means we're moving back to the Chicago area. We can wait until after the wedding though, considering they're still remote right now.
Which brings me to why I'm posting. After Elaine got the job, we talked to our financial planner. He had helped us take a look at our finances a few months ago and plan for our eventual move out of the area. It just ended up happening sooner than we had thought. We weren't sure if we were financially ready to buy a house, but he thinks we can do it. Granted, we don't have a lot of money to put down, but there are still options. Now we're scouring Zillow to see what's out there, but that has sparked some huge debates.
This afternoon, I talked again about temporarily getting a storage unit. Things are already cramped as it is with wedding stuff, but now that Elaine's saving boxes, it's getting really overwhelming. My other argument with packing so far in advance is things that have a place at the moment start to take up more room, like books on the bookshelf. If they aren't on the bookshelf, they are in a box and then you've got the empty bookshelf. I really want to get a storage until so we can get things we aren't using out of the house and all in one place so it's easy to throw on the truck and go. Elaine's big argument is that we need to start going through things and decide what we're keeping. I 100% agree that that's a good idea, but there are still lots of things that we can for sure get out of the house right now without putting much thought into it.
Elaine also pointed out that we might not have as much space as we do now. I disagree, but we clearly have way different ideas in mind of where we want to live and what we want for a new home. Some of the houses I've saved on Zillow are closer to the city and the areas aren't as nice as some of the areas where Elaine wants to live. I would prefer to be closer to Chicago so that I might have some motivation to actually go back to the office (not sure if that's really going to encourage me, but I'm sure my boss' boss would like that). Plus I love Chicago and want to go back to doing some of the things I used to do when I lived there (mostly I want to start volunteering at the Neo-Futurists theatre again). I'm a city person for sure. I definitely want a yard for the dogs, but I'm willing to compromise on neighborhood for a bigger house and being closer to the city.
So while we're having this heated discussion, Elaine whips out their phone and calls their dad. "Tell Coley about Berwyn." I 100% did not consent to bringing Elaine's dad into the conversation. I got really upset and left the room. On what planet is that appropriate?! Like you don't just randomly put your dad on speakerphone while we're having an argument. You just don't. I was so embarrassed. I don't care if your dad knows more about the area where I had saved some houses. You ask me first if we can talk to your dad since he supposedly knows the area. You don't just whip out your phone and call him when I'm already agitated. Your dad does not need to see that side of me. I am incredibly mortified.
I'm sure some of this is an autism thing (and Elaine's dad is probably on the spectrum too, so he's probably not going to think that much about it), but that is just crossing a huge boundary. I'm sure Elaine thought it would be helpful (which is wasn't, considering their dad couldn't really say much since it's been awhile since he'd lived near there) and didn't think that it would be that embarrassing for me, but I just felt really violated. I mean, I'm obviously not that private of a person, but there are things about me that your parents don't need to experience. Part of the reason why Elaine is such a good partner for me is that I feel safe enough to express my feelings in a way that I don't want the rest of the world to see. Elaine (usually) knows how to handle me. But their dad does not need to see that. Honestly, the less people see me when I lose my temper, the better. I know the way I am when I'm angry is not always appropriate, but that is not something everyone needs to experience.
I'm hoping when Elaine gets home from band practice, they realize that my reaction to that was not blown out of proportion. I'm still seething, but hopefully they give me a better apology than they already did. I'm still not sure I can really talk to them anymore today.