(no subject)
I need to vent, to rant. I wish I would just tell you all this but I wont. I hate sounding like a crazy bitch and so I always water things down when I have a problem to make it sound like Im not that upset or my feelings arent hurt. Then I cry on my own time. Ive always been like that. I dont want to step on any toes, I just sit and stew in my own emotions. When I write, it all comes pouring out. Like how really Im pissed that you arent coming down to spend one of your 2 days off with me. Im pissed that I even had to bring it up at all. You should be volunteering! And after the week Ive had...Ive been coughing up my lungs sick and I just started my period. In my times of need and emotional disaster you should be there! I shouldnt have to ask. You dont want to rush in to things and you need your space. First....too late on the rushing part. You gave me a key to your house and brought up me moving in with you this summer. Ive never lived with a boyfriend and honestly I wasnt sure I even would until I was married. But the idea is rather appealing because I want to be with you. 2nd....you need your space. Ok I understand that. Its a guy thing. And a girl thing. We need time with our friends. But you say 3 days of your time is with me since Im there 24 hours for that time. Well really, I dont get there till Friday evening and I leave Sun evening so its only about 48 hours total. 48 hours out of an entire week. Much of your time is then spent working. And I dont try to keep you from your friends. Youve still gotten halo time with them. And I can deal with only seeing you on the weekends when I get you from fri-sun especially these weekends where youve had one of those days off. But my problem is with this coming weekend. I have a 6 day work week and I only get you Sat night. You get off work at 9 and have to be back at 9. Thats less than 12 hours most of which will be spent sleeping! 4-5 hours of awake time with you in 2 weeks is not enough. That is not what I would consider rushing nor is it encroaching on your "YOU" time. I feel like Im a fucking nusiance sometimes and I dont want to feel like that....afraid to call you because I might be bothering or interrupting you. What happened. In less than 2 months you go from texting and calling me several times a day to sometimes nothing at all on a day. I miss my sappy letters and texts and the flowers. Just a text would be nice. Yes I want you to come see me tomorrow. Yes I know you only get 2 days off a week but so do I! And guess what...do I ever get one of those days to myself to get my work and laundry and errands done? NO!!!! I spend them both with you and you cant give me one of those days on a week in which I only get a few hours with you? Im not even asking for a full day...just an evening after I get off work for dinner and a movie or something. Spend the night if you want or go home and play some freaking HALO. Its called a long distance relationship. Sacrifices have to be made. I feel like Im making mine and the funny thing is they dont feel like sacrifices. I get to be with you and thats what matters. Im not complaining about not having that day to do errands. I get my laundry done after work so that I can jet out of here Friday afternoons to come see you. Do you wait for me with that same enthusiasm? It seems like sometimes I have all of you and the next minute you pull away. It scares me, upsets me, hurts me. And the worst part is Im afraid to tell you all of this because I dont want to scare you away.