lame whiney emo entry
It's occurred to me that I don't really need any mood but lazy for my LJ. Laziness is pretty much what defines me as a person.
New Years sucked. Totally boring shit. Pissed away the new year, though, 5th year in a row. Smoked weed, didn't even get me high. Didn't drink at all. Don't particularly care.
It's funny, I spent all of last semester just thinking how kickass next semester was going to be. Now that it's on its way, I'm all freaked out again. I don't think I'm going to go to counseling anymore. It just buys me two hours of peace of mind per week. I leave the session with hope, and before long, I've managed to convince myself of the same hopeless interpretation of the situation I had before. As I discussed with a friend, for me, not only is the glass not half full, but the class is empty, broken, and I cut myself with it.
When I sit here very late, when the sane ones have gone to bed, I wonder why anyone bothers to talk to me at all. I look at my empty buddy list and think who would talk to me, even if they were online. This is what passes for my human interaction? AIM? I deal with people in reality, too, but it sucks. I went over to brett's for a few hours today, he and josh and cody were there. All good friends. Came back home, got online, talked to some people on AIM, and it was so much better. People I'll never meet, people I've met, but can hardly say a word to in real life.
I can think of all kinds of shit I can do to improve my life, but I have no resolve. I decide to do things all the time, then I just don't. Lazy.
Blah, blah, blah, I am whiney beast. No one gives a crap anyway, and even if you did, nothing you could do or say can help.
1.5 GPA. Yay self-worth. I see where I'm going, and I don't like it.
New Years sucked. Totally boring shit. Pissed away the new year, though, 5th year in a row. Smoked weed, didn't even get me high. Didn't drink at all. Don't particularly care.
It's funny, I spent all of last semester just thinking how kickass next semester was going to be. Now that it's on its way, I'm all freaked out again. I don't think I'm going to go to counseling anymore. It just buys me two hours of peace of mind per week. I leave the session with hope, and before long, I've managed to convince myself of the same hopeless interpretation of the situation I had before. As I discussed with a friend, for me, not only is the glass not half full, but the class is empty, broken, and I cut myself with it.
When I sit here very late, when the sane ones have gone to bed, I wonder why anyone bothers to talk to me at all. I look at my empty buddy list and think who would talk to me, even if they were online. This is what passes for my human interaction? AIM? I deal with people in reality, too, but it sucks. I went over to brett's for a few hours today, he and josh and cody were there. All good friends. Came back home, got online, talked to some people on AIM, and it was so much better. People I'll never meet, people I've met, but can hardly say a word to in real life.
I can think of all kinds of shit I can do to improve my life, but I have no resolve. I decide to do things all the time, then I just don't. Lazy.
Blah, blah, blah, I am whiney beast. No one gives a crap anyway, and even if you did, nothing you could do or say can help.
1.5 GPA. Yay self-worth. I see where I'm going, and I don't like it.