Wonderful!!
DRUNKEN ENTRY: I swear...this is the last one. The only reason I drank at all tonight was because one of my best friends is broken up over his relationship...and I didn't want him to be drunk alone. Funny thing is...everyone else drank ANYWAYS!
I've fought against a lot of things. Prejudice. Intolerance. With women, I've fought against abusive fathers abusing them physically, emotionally, and sexually. Well...here's a new one.
God.
That's right, big guy. I'm fighting you. Me wanting or not wanting to be with someone...God's will is at work. God makes me miserable, because I'm not one of the 'flock'.
What a load of horseshit.
I've heard a lot in my day. Why am I miserable right now? Because I'm drunk, alone, and had a conversation I'd rather have had sober, if AT ALL. Why am I miserable? Because I live with people who don't care about what I or other people want, only themselves. Because I live beyond my means here, to stay here with my friends, accomplishing NOTHING. I'm miserable because I HATE FUCKING SNOW AND COLD. Or maybe because my car is wearing out, and I like it a lot and don't want it to die.
But don't tell me God is why. Cause I can't fight religion...how can you beat something intangible?
One other thing...why do women think that 'being friends' should be some great, second place? Oh...yippie. I'll give you everything I did ANYWAYS, but you'll be naked with someone else. Why? WHY? Just tell me why. Seriously. It has nothing to do with me. It's not I'm a horrible human being, because it happens to all the people I know. Why do Women think just being friends, we should be over-joyed?
YOU KNOW WHY!? I'll fucking tell you why. It's because we're just things to them. They don't have the connection, the feelings that guys have for them. It takes a shit-ton of curage for a guy to come forward and say he likes someone. And women don't respect that. They shit on us. Because we all should do that to them, they who have a the keys to everything. There's NOTHING fucking worse then rejection. NOTHING! NOTHING!!!
Well fuck this. Fuck god. God doesn't make me happy or sad, s/he/it doesn't care about me. If god cares, miraculously, an image will come to me, a godly image, to renew my broken faith in god and myself.
*waits*
*waits*
*waits*
*WAITS*
I didn't think so. Okay, god. *puts on his gloves* Time to fight. I got the methods all down. Protect my face. Draw out your opponent. Don't clench too much to kill your stamina. *does a few punches*
For guys, it's simple. We want to protect you, provide for you. We want to help you, be something for you. But most of all...we want to be chosen. FIRST.
And I've never been chosen first. I've always been a second, or a third. I've always been a boyfriend's friend, or less. And I'm getting pretty god-damned sick of it. I'm honestly nice to everyone, until I let myself care. I've always been the fall-back plan. I give and give of myself to everyone and when I start saying I want something, anything, than there's a problem. This doesn't mean sex, this is just life in general...as soon as I give something conditionally...
Fuck your box! Try to put me in a box! Try to categorize me! It's never worked and never will, I'll break out, I'll smash it, I'll rip your box to shreds. I'll piss on the cardboard to make it weak, I'll do anything to get out of the little world you try to keep me in. Marquette is nothing. This is all nothing. I Want OUT NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!
BTW, apparantly everything goes to hell when I leave for a few days. Christ!
I've fought against a lot of things. Prejudice. Intolerance. With women, I've fought against abusive fathers abusing them physically, emotionally, and sexually. Well...here's a new one.
God.
That's right, big guy. I'm fighting you. Me wanting or not wanting to be with someone...God's will is at work. God makes me miserable, because I'm not one of the 'flock'.
What a load of horseshit.
I've heard a lot in my day. Why am I miserable right now? Because I'm drunk, alone, and had a conversation I'd rather have had sober, if AT ALL. Why am I miserable? Because I live with people who don't care about what I or other people want, only themselves. Because I live beyond my means here, to stay here with my friends, accomplishing NOTHING. I'm miserable because I HATE FUCKING SNOW AND COLD. Or maybe because my car is wearing out, and I like it a lot and don't want it to die.
But don't tell me God is why. Cause I can't fight religion...how can you beat something intangible?
One other thing...why do women think that 'being friends' should be some great, second place? Oh...yippie. I'll give you everything I did ANYWAYS, but you'll be naked with someone else. Why? WHY? Just tell me why. Seriously. It has nothing to do with me. It's not I'm a horrible human being, because it happens to all the people I know. Why do Women think just being friends, we should be over-joyed?
YOU KNOW WHY!? I'll fucking tell you why. It's because we're just things to them. They don't have the connection, the feelings that guys have for them. It takes a shit-ton of curage for a guy to come forward and say he likes someone. And women don't respect that. They shit on us. Because we all should do that to them, they who have a the keys to everything. There's NOTHING fucking worse then rejection. NOTHING! NOTHING!!!
Well fuck this. Fuck god. God doesn't make me happy or sad, s/he/it doesn't care about me. If god cares, miraculously, an image will come to me, a godly image, to renew my broken faith in god and myself.
*waits*
*waits*
*waits*
*WAITS*
I didn't think so. Okay, god. *puts on his gloves* Time to fight. I got the methods all down. Protect my face. Draw out your opponent. Don't clench too much to kill your stamina. *does a few punches*
For guys, it's simple. We want to protect you, provide for you. We want to help you, be something for you. But most of all...we want to be chosen. FIRST.
And I've never been chosen first. I've always been a second, or a third. I've always been a boyfriend's friend, or less. And I'm getting pretty god-damned sick of it. I'm honestly nice to everyone, until I let myself care. I've always been the fall-back plan. I give and give of myself to everyone and when I start saying I want something, anything, than there's a problem. This doesn't mean sex, this is just life in general...as soon as I give something conditionally...
Fuck your box! Try to put me in a box! Try to categorize me! It's never worked and never will, I'll break out, I'll smash it, I'll rip your box to shreds. I'll piss on the cardboard to make it weak, I'll do anything to get out of the little world you try to keep me in. Marquette is nothing. This is all nothing. I Want OUT NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!
BTW, apparantly everything goes to hell when I leave for a few days. Christ!