Stress Does Strange Things to You!
The last few days have been pretty hard on me, to put it nicely. I haven't slept well. I haven't really eaten all that well. I've swung in and out of a deep depression. I don't feel good being in my own home. I don't get any gratification from work.
Sunday I couldn't work and I fucked up not call in. Staci was livid with me Monday. It's understandable for her to be angry, but in the past steve has not called in, and even in the message she left on the phone, there was an understanding that I was still probably sick from my migraine Saturday. She stripped me of any prestige I had. It was all no good.
I don't feel comfortable talking about the events of the last few days. It's still all too raw. This is a surprising thing, a rarity for me, to not be able to write in my journal about a subject. Instead I'll tell you guys about this bizarre dream I had.
In my dream, I was at a disneyland equivalent to the showing of the movie 'Alien'. Imagine watching the movie, on an IMAX screen, but with things to heighten the tension, air that was 'breathed' on you when it was close, tilting seats, etc, etc. It was all quiet freightening for me in my dream, because as you guys probably know, I was terrorfied of the 'Alien' movies as a kid. Tons of reoccuring dreams from there.
Anyways, so there I am, scared shitless watching this movie, and all the sudden there was this girl that I know, sitting next to me. This came as a surprise in my dream, because she was there, and her family sitting next to her. What happened next is she kinda leaned against me, and I felt better, I was less scared. What was strange about this whole experience, is that her family acted like this was okay. (public affection in my family is kinda taboo with us boys and our girlfriends.)
The thing is, I never thought of this girl I know, like this, really at all. It had skipped past my thought process like a stone across a lake, to sink off at the deep end. It all felt so nice though, to have this girl all cuddled up next to me, i started to fall 'asleep' in the dream. It felt natural, and probably shouldn't have.
This is the kicker. When I woke up, I had a pillow or two against me just like this girl had been, and to a half away person, it felt like a person. *sighs* I just willed myself to go back to sleep and to kick back into the dream, to let it play out and fade away.
Sunday I couldn't work and I fucked up not call in. Staci was livid with me Monday. It's understandable for her to be angry, but in the past steve has not called in, and even in the message she left on the phone, there was an understanding that I was still probably sick from my migraine Saturday. She stripped me of any prestige I had. It was all no good.
I don't feel comfortable talking about the events of the last few days. It's still all too raw. This is a surprising thing, a rarity for me, to not be able to write in my journal about a subject. Instead I'll tell you guys about this bizarre dream I had.
In my dream, I was at a disneyland equivalent to the showing of the movie 'Alien'. Imagine watching the movie, on an IMAX screen, but with things to heighten the tension, air that was 'breathed' on you when it was close, tilting seats, etc, etc. It was all quiet freightening for me in my dream, because as you guys probably know, I was terrorfied of the 'Alien' movies as a kid. Tons of reoccuring dreams from there.
Anyways, so there I am, scared shitless watching this movie, and all the sudden there was this girl that I know, sitting next to me. This came as a surprise in my dream, because she was there, and her family sitting next to her. What happened next is she kinda leaned against me, and I felt better, I was less scared. What was strange about this whole experience, is that her family acted like this was okay. (public affection in my family is kinda taboo with us boys and our girlfriends.)
The thing is, I never thought of this girl I know, like this, really at all. It had skipped past my thought process like a stone across a lake, to sink off at the deep end. It all felt so nice though, to have this girl all cuddled up next to me, i started to fall 'asleep' in the dream. It felt natural, and probably shouldn't have.
This is the kicker. When I woke up, I had a pillow or two against me just like this girl had been, and to a half away person, it felt like a person. *sighs* I just willed myself to go back to sleep and to kick back into the dream, to let it play out and fade away.