I'm over my head..so over my freaking head
Loss is one of the worst things anyone can experience. Last year I lost the two people I cared about the most. My best friend and a boyfriend. I got over all that but history apparently repeats itself. Things are pilling up so they are finally over my head. You think that you know your friends, who to trust, who to care about and who to rely on. But then, things just change. People change and sometimes it scares the shit out of me how quickly things can re-arrange themselves and take the shape of something else...something you weren't expecting. And it just sucks when you care about the person so damn muc. It sucks when you had the person and the person loved you but you were just like ohh ok that's nice. Then hte person leaves and now you love the person. It is just messed up. and watching "A walk to remember" did not make it any easier. That movie makes me cry everytime I watch it. And losing Ryan was like a whatever compared to what Jamie and the guy had to go through. It was so sad and wow. I just don't get why two people taht love each other have to be taken apart. I mean yea it's fine when one person loves another and that perosn doesn't love the other person but these two loved each other so much. And that movie does make me feel sad yet it makes me feel so thankful and a lot better.
I hate the feeling of betrayal. I hate the feeling of not being able to trust someone. I hate the feeling of not knowing where to go. You just wanna run but run where? What the fuck are you going to do? You can't do anything and I hate that feeling. I hate being confused. And you know something else that I hate? The feeling of loss. Losing a friend is hard, especially someone that you thought was close to you. Its like losing a part of you. Sometimes, you try to erase that person from your mind.
Life is full of uncertanties, of questions that you wish could be answered, of opinions that are disagreed with which causes even more uncertanties. That's life for you. And I guess we all learn from our mistakes. And we are all still learning, after all we are only teenagers right? Things will be better. We will be happy. It's just not the time right now to be completely happy. People smile to cover the pain inside. To show that they aren't sad. To show that they are strong but we really aren't. Noone's life is perfect. But mine will be. I will try to make it close to perfect. Right now it's all about school, college, family, grades and friends.
It hurts to be forgotten. It hurts to lose someone. It just hurts to realize you made a mistake. It just hurts that hwen you had the person, you let everything go and realize that you made a huge mistake.
You know who you are.
I hate the feeling of betrayal. I hate the feeling of not being able to trust someone. I hate the feeling of not knowing where to go. You just wanna run but run where? What the fuck are you going to do? You can't do anything and I hate that feeling. I hate being confused. And you know something else that I hate? The feeling of loss. Losing a friend is hard, especially someone that you thought was close to you. Its like losing a part of you. Sometimes, you try to erase that person from your mind.
Life is full of uncertanties, of questions that you wish could be answered, of opinions that are disagreed with which causes even more uncertanties. That's life for you. And I guess we all learn from our mistakes. And we are all still learning, after all we are only teenagers right? Things will be better. We will be happy. It's just not the time right now to be completely happy. People smile to cover the pain inside. To show that they aren't sad. To show that they are strong but we really aren't. Noone's life is perfect. But mine will be. I will try to make it close to perfect. Right now it's all about school, college, family, grades and friends.
It hurts to be forgotten. It hurts to lose someone. It just hurts to realize you made a mistake. It just hurts that hwen you had the person, you let everything go and realize that you made a huge mistake.
You know who you are.