"If ... you only get one great love..."
Whenever I feel sad and lost, I think about New York. Those of you who know me at all know that I think of New York when I am happy and found, too. But when I'm down, I want nothing more than to escape to my city.
I laid in bed last night at 7 p.m. and tried not to vomit because my head hurt so badly. I slipped in and out of sleep thinking how I'd probably give up everything to go there if I could. The only thing I'd bring, I think, would be Aaron, even though he does not share my feelings toward the city. But if someone told me that I could find care with minimal hassle and that I could pay the cost of living - even if I'd have less than a dollar left for non-essentials - I'd go. I've give up almost everything. In a heartbeat, I'd be there.
It sounds like I'm being cold and that I don't care about my friends, family, boyfriend, etc. That's not true. I love them all. But I need that city. Here, everything is so difficult - transportation, finding a job, finding entertainment. It isn't like that in New York. Fine - finding a job is still a major challenge with the competitiveness and such, but think of how many more places I could apply to. I could jump on an m6 or m3 or m5 or whatever and ride all over Manhattan. I miss the grid of avenues and streets and bus stops every two blocks. I don't want two-hour long bus rides home from work on a van for disabled persons, old people and retards. Or, if the ride was that long, at least I'd have the opportunity to deboard. I just can't do it.
I hate Pennsylvania. I hate rural. I hate grass and trees and fields. I hate limitations. I hate only having a campus's activities for entertainment. I hate wearing sweats every day because there's no point in dressing up anymore.
I want New York. A few years ago, my mother and I were driving back from Pittsburgh, and she commented on how Pittsburgh was a nice city and how I should live there. And I started to cry. I then went into this whole monologue about how everyone should have one thing that makes them truly, completely happy. She said she didn't have anything like that. I felt bad for her. To me, New York was almost like a person. I loved it like I thought I would love a man someday. I've since fallen and do love a guy, and while I've learned that those two loves cannot be compared per say ... actually, no, I love both as intensely ... but differently. Anyway, I told her how I couldn't describe why I love the city so much, but to me it is magical. To me, it even looks different. I think of all my times in New York, and every memory is beautiful - like a scene out of Sex and the City (without the sex but including the colors and feel and adoration of New York) times a thousand.
I haven't been there in over a year now, and I want to go more than anything. I'd give up all my birthday and Christmas presents for a day in the city. For a life in the city, I'd give...
I laid in bed last night at 7 p.m. and tried not to vomit because my head hurt so badly. I slipped in and out of sleep thinking how I'd probably give up everything to go there if I could. The only thing I'd bring, I think, would be Aaron, even though he does not share my feelings toward the city. But if someone told me that I could find care with minimal hassle and that I could pay the cost of living - even if I'd have less than a dollar left for non-essentials - I'd go. I've give up almost everything. In a heartbeat, I'd be there.
It sounds like I'm being cold and that I don't care about my friends, family, boyfriend, etc. That's not true. I love them all. But I need that city. Here, everything is so difficult - transportation, finding a job, finding entertainment. It isn't like that in New York. Fine - finding a job is still a major challenge with the competitiveness and such, but think of how many more places I could apply to. I could jump on an m6 or m3 or m5 or whatever and ride all over Manhattan. I miss the grid of avenues and streets and bus stops every two blocks. I don't want two-hour long bus rides home from work on a van for disabled persons, old people and retards. Or, if the ride was that long, at least I'd have the opportunity to deboard. I just can't do it.
I hate Pennsylvania. I hate rural. I hate grass and trees and fields. I hate limitations. I hate only having a campus's activities for entertainment. I hate wearing sweats every day because there's no point in dressing up anymore.
I want New York. A few years ago, my mother and I were driving back from Pittsburgh, and she commented on how Pittsburgh was a nice city and how I should live there. And I started to cry. I then went into this whole monologue about how everyone should have one thing that makes them truly, completely happy. She said she didn't have anything like that. I felt bad for her. To me, New York was almost like a person. I loved it like I thought I would love a man someday. I've since fallen and do love a guy, and while I've learned that those two loves cannot be compared per say ... actually, no, I love both as intensely ... but differently. Anyway, I told her how I couldn't describe why I love the city so much, but to me it is magical. To me, it even looks different. I think of all my times in New York, and every memory is beautiful - like a scene out of Sex and the City (without the sex but including the colors and feel and adoration of New York) times a thousand.
I haven't been there in over a year now, and I want to go more than anything. I'd give up all my birthday and Christmas presents for a day in the city. For a life in the city, I'd give...