The Outsider - Chapter 1
Title: The Outsider
Author: Froggy
Rating: NC-17 (since I promised a certain scene)
Pairing: 2Min, OnKey, ninja!JongKyung, recurring fling!JungmoxTaemin, fling!JinwoonxTaemin, fling!TaeminxOCs
Genre: dark, angst, smut, romance
Warning: profanity, rape, drug usage, sexual references, attempted suicide
Summary: Taemin's parents are rich- very rich. He's lonely and turns to drugs and sleeping around to heal his loneliness. His past flings tell him he's ugly and doesn't deserve to live. He meets Minho, who is an outsider, and finds himself falling into Minho's spell. Their relationship is anything but perfect; jealousy and Taemin's insecurities coming out to play. Minho is very protective of his younger lover and wishes that Taemin would just believe in himself.
A/N: This is not an original work of mine. Credits go to gaypop for the plot drop. (summary = her plot bunny)
The story is based off the song "The Outsider" by A Perfect Circle and will have many scenes that match the song. :)
~*~
“Hey, kid, wake up!” a gruff voice demanded; a big hand roughly shaking the boy awake.
Taemin opened his eyes halfway and propped himself up on his elbow; the bed squeaking as he did so. He stared at the man with sleepy eyes and yawned. “What?” he whined irritably.
“Get out of here,” the man grunted, jerking his thumb in the general direction of his front door and going into his bathroom to take care of business. Still half-asleep, Taemin blinked once before laying back down to get some more shut-eye. When the man returned to the bedroom and saw that the “kid” hadn't left, he got angry and jumped him. “I said to get the fuck out, you ugly kid! Shit like you don't deserve to live!”
It's been a couple months since Taemin stopped going to school and hearing that for the nth time since then, he woke up all the way- eyes wide- and grabbed his clothes as he raced out of the apartment. Quickly, he put on his clothes in the hallway and hurried out of the building. When he was far enough away, he looked back with a frown and flipped the building off. He decided to go home where he could clean himself up and sleep some more. Food would be a good idea as well, but he hasn't had an appetite since that day. Not that he cared. All he needed was the drugs anyway, so he was fine.
As to how the drugs lasted so long, Taemin didn't use them as much as a normal addict would. He only used them when he absolutely needed them and that was when it was an emergency. Seeing as how he felt okay for now, he didn't bother injecting himself with the LSD or smoking the joints. There were other things in the bag that he could use and he tried them once, but he preferred the syringe and occasional marijuana. However, he kept the other stuff in case he ran out; not knowing how he'd get more if it was possible.
Once he got home, the head maid welcomed him with the same warm smile she always showed and, ignoring his crumpled clothes and exhausted appearance, asked him if he was hungry. Shaking his head no, Taemin smiled at the fifty-year-old woman. “Ajumeoni, would you please tell all the maids not to come to my room for the rest of the day?”
“Oh, sure, dear…” The woman was taken aback by the sudden request and wasn't sure what to think about it.
“Thank you.” Taemin started heading for the stairs and stopped halfway to turn back to the head maid; the smile still on his face. “I won't be here tonight, so please let the maids go home at five this evening.”
“Yes, Young Master…”
Without another word, Taemin continued up the stairs and went inside his room. His hand still on the lock, Taemin started crying and let himself slide to the floor, hugging his knees to his chest and burying his face in between his knees- like he always did after getting home from his nightly activities.
He'd gotten good at hiding his tears from the head maid and he was sure she worried about where he spent all his time, but there was no way he could tell her what all he's been through; what all he's doing to forget and make himself feel better. The woman was like a grandmother to him, but because she was always busy with her duties as a maid, he still felt lonely inside. He wanted someone to keep him company; someone who would stay with him until he wished them away. Why couldn't there be someone like that for him? He hated that he'd turned to drugs- he knew what the consequences were, but if it weren't for the wonderful way they made him feel, he sure as hell would've thrown them away when he first tried them.
* * * * *
Taemin woke up for the second time that day with a sore neck and a stiff face. He stretched himself out and realized he fell asleep on the floor in front of his door… and that it was two in the afternoon. A bath sounded really good right then, so he got up and went into his bathroom. When he was completely undressed, he looked at himself in the mirror to check on the bruises from a month ago when he was raped. They were healing; shrinking, yellowing spots. Six bruises on his arms- two on one and four on the other- as well as two big bruises on his torso and a massive one covering his left shoulder front to back.
Inhaling through his nose and letting it out in a huff, Taemin got the tub ready and was soaking in warm water within ten minutes. The feeling was sensational and he lowered himself so that his neck muscles could relax in the water. He only ever felt this good when he was bathing and when he was high, but his favorite way to feel good was taking a bath. Nothing- not even sex with random guys- felt this good.
He stewed in the water for a few more minutes before he finally cleansed himself and got out feeling refreshed. The soreness in his neck was gone and his body just felt clean. Physically, he felt better, but emotionally and spiritually, he still felt lonely. Well, that would all change later that night. Maybe he'll finally find someone willing to give him the time of day and stay with him for as long as he wanted.
Despite all the flings he'd gone through in the past month, Taemin remained positive that he'd find someone who liked him for everything he was- even if he was supposedly ugly. Suddenly feeling a bit insecure about his appearance, he stopped drying himself off to look at himself in the mirror one more time.
What was with his hair? It used to be copper, and now it was a mix of fading light brown and his roots were starting to show. Not to mention how long his hair had gotten and all the split ends.
Checking his body next, Taemin realized that all those bruises and how skinny he was would make him look ugly to the guys he picks up. He didn't see anything wrong with his legs or his backside, but his … “mini-me” was a bit questionable. Maybe he wasn't that sma- No, he was definitely a bit small. It doesn't matter anyway, he supposed. I never use it except to go to the bathroom.
Lastly, his face.
Very feminine. Doe eyes that express innocence and naivete- despite all the things he'd done- and a sorrowful loneliness; vulnerability.
But they were dull and had heavy, dark bags under them.
Pretty lips that shine in a natural shade of pink and (he smiled once) stretch into a beautiful smile that could only belong to a girl.
But they were cracked and starting to lose their color.
Soft, heart-shaped face and milky white skin that looked smooth and feathery-soft to the touch.
But his cheeks were sunken in and his skin was unhealthily pale- unlike usual and it was because he wasn't eating and sleeping that much anymore.
Of course no one would want him. All the girls at school always bullied him because they were jealous and all the guys bullied him because he made them feel “confused”. That's why all the guys he'd gone out with looked so regretful after a night of angry sex. How could he have never noticed all these flaws?
Now, he was wasting away.
What had his life come to? There had to be more than this, right? Or was he meant to be miserable forever? Miserable and lonely. He scoffed. That sounded about right. Cursed; that's the word he should describe his life as. It was appropriate, after all.
Quickly putting his clothes on- not able to look at himself any longer- Taemin felt the tears come again and he tried as hard as possible to hold them back. He was going out and he didn't need any of the maids seeing him like this on his way out the door. Would would they tell his parents if that happened? And what would he do if he was asked about it? There was no way he could let his parents know what he'd been up to.
It was bad enough that they probably already knew about him no longer going to school.
* * * * *
“Where am I going today?” Taemin quietly asked himself. He was sitting on a bench in the park for fresh air before he spent the rest of his time in someone's bed. “The club or the street jam?”
He let his head fall back as he blew out a breath of air… that landed on someone's face that was suddenly hovering over him. Gasping, Taemin shot up and turned sideways on the bench to see the… very tall person's face clearly and apologize. But he was beat to it. “Wow,” the guy laughed, his eyes squinting charmingly. “Minty breath! I'm sorry for creeping up on you, miss. I saw you by yourself and thought you could use some company.” The guy stopped squinting and realization- as well as utter shock- etched itself on his face once he got a good look at Taemin. “Oh, my… I am so sorry, dude! From behind, you looked like a girl and- well, I guess that's not helping me to apologize, but-”
Taemin's laughter cut him off and the guy looked down at Taemin in confusion, smiling uncertainly. “I-I'm sorry, but your rambling was too funny, but don't worry! I'm sorry for blowing my breath in your face.” His laughter died down and he offered a friendly smile to his new companion.
It took a few seconds for the guy to begin squinting again and he stuck out a hand for Taemin to shake. “I'm Jung Jinwoon. Nice to meet you!”
Smile widening, Taemin happily took the proffered hand. “I'm Lee Taemin. It's nice to meet you, too!”
“So, Taemin-ssi. What are you doing here by yourself?” Jinwoon stepped around the bench to sit next to Taemin, who generously moved over to give him room to sit.
“I just needed some fresh air for a while. My house is a little stuffy and I won't be getting any fresh air until tomorrow, so I might as well use this time to get as much as I can.”
“Why won't you be able to get some tomorrow?” the tall man asked curiously.
Winking, Taemin placed his index finger in front of his lips. “That's classified~”
Jinwoon wasn't sure why he was thinking it, but he couldn't help thinking how adorable the smaller male was just then and felt like grabbing him all of a sudden. He squinted a smile in hopes to cover up his slight space-out. “I'm sorry, I guess I shouldn't go poking into other people's business when I don't know them!”
“It's fine! It's just really embarrassing to talk about.”
“I understand. So how old are you? Or is that classified as well?” Jinwoon grinned teasingly.
Giggling, Taemin shook his head. “You first.”
“Okay, I'm twenty.”
“I'm eighteen.”
“Eighteen?” Jinwoon looked shocked that a high school student was hanging around during what he was sure were school hours. Sure, he was in college, but he was done with his classes for the day.
Taemin caught on to the thought behind the expression and his smile died down to a sad one. “I can't go back to school anymore.”
“Do you have an illness?”
Something like that, Taemin thought bitterly. “No, not an illness…” …per se… “It's just hard to go back to a place where you're not wanted.”
“Not wanted? How could no one want you? You're obviously a great person and so pretty!” Catching his outburst and seeing the wide-eyed, blushing expression on Taemin's face, Jinwoon coughed and looked away. “I mean, uh, for a guy.”
An awkward silence hung in the air around them for a couple minutes and Taemin's choked laughter could be heard. Jinwoon looked at him weirdly. Taemin caught the look and explained himself. “You have no idea how good it felt just now to have something positive said about my appearance.”
“You're laughing…” Jinwoon started dumbly. “But why are you crying, too?”
Wiping his tears away, Taemin chuckled a little more. “I'm sorry. I must look like a total wimp.”
“No. Not at all.”
Jinwoon's soft statement made Taemin look up. He squeaked when the tall man leaned in and kissed him, but he gladly kissed back. It was the first time he kissed someone who didn't treat him like trash and didn't want him just for a good fuck. There was a connection and he didn't feel that lonely at that moment. But just as soon as the kiss started, Jinwoon was pulling back in a snap.
“I am so sorry about that. I don't know what came over me just now,” he apologized, looking utterly scandalized.
That made Taemin's lack-of-loneliness feeling dissipate and he felt a bit disappointed at that, but he made sure not to show it. “It's fine! Hey, you wanna go to a club or something and hang out? I feel like dancing.” Taemin hopped up from the bench to his feet in such a cute manner that Jinwoon almost wanted to kiss him again.
He held himself back, though, and pondered on how the younger boy could ask him something like that as if nothing happened. But he figured it would be a good way to take his mind off of kissing the other male. “Sure. Is there one nearby?”
“Yeah, I know a good one. Follow me!” Taemin started running off and Jinwoon slowly stood from the bench and stood rooted in place until the former stopped running and turned around to see if he was coming or not. “Come on, Jinwoon-hyung!” he called, waving his arms high over his head.
“Yeah, I'm coming!” Jinwoon caught up to him and asked a question before Taemin decided to run off again. “Wait, how are you able to get into a club if you're only eighteen?”
“Uhh… I have my ways,” Taemin shrugged, completely keeping it secret.
“I feel responsible, though. I'm a hyung; I should be a good influence on you.”
“Oh, come on~ It's not like you never did or never wanted to do something like this at my age, right? It's fine!” the smaller male persuaded.
Somehow, Jinwoon couldn't say no.
* * * * *
They were much too intoxicated. Both had consumed much too many alcoholic drinks and had started feeling very friendly with each other long before their current situation. Jinwoon had made the first move- a first for Taemin since he always made the first move. Arms wrapped haphazardly around each other, legs tangled together, tongues sucking each other, and nothing but the smell of sweat and sex as well as the sound of kissing and moaning and the occasional giggle from Taemin or a loud popping sound when they'd break their kiss for air before starting all over again. Neither made a move to stop first and they took it a step further every time they continued their make-out session.
Jinwoon had never been so turned on in his life and he'd always prided himself on being straight- something he was sure Taemin had caught onto during their earlier conversations, but obviously ignored. But even before he was drunk- as was his current state- he felt weirdly attracted to Taemin and just everything about him. He couldn't deny the fact that the younger boy had sleepy eyes and a thin, frail body and he obviously had some sort of problem with people if he couldn't go to school. No matter, there was something that he found attractive.
“Jinwoon-hyung,” Taemin panted erotically, squirming to get more friction. “There.”
“Right.” The older male jabbed at the spot instructed to him and made sure he hit it every time.
* * * * *
Taemin woke up feeling a familiar soreness in his behind- as well as a throbbing headache- but this time, the soreness wasn't as defined as it usually was. He looked over at the sleeping man next to him and smiled gratefully. Jinwoon had been gentle and really took care of him. That was a first for him. He rolled over on his side to watch the other sleep, wanting to imprint the moment into his memory. An image of the first person to be so kind towards him and not belittle him in any way. Maybe things were finally turning around for him.
Well, that was until Jinwoon woke up. His eyes fluttered open and he was staring at a smiling Taemin and took a few seconds to remember that this was the boy he'd met just nineteen hours earlier and- with a startled yelp- jumped out of bed as he realized what he'd done with the boy.
Taemin's heart shattered for the second time.
“Oh, my god! I am so sorry! I blame the alcohol. How could this have happened? Damn it! I had sex with a guy! Ugh, I think I'm gonna be sick…”
Jinwoon found his clothes and clumsily pulled them on- never once having looked at Taemin again. Without so much as a goodbye, he fled the club's VIP room- probably in search of a bathroom- leaving a stone-stiff Taemin still sitting up in his spot on the bed; still staring into space.
How…? How could something so good have ended… just like this; so horribly? Taemin felt the tears pour out of his eyes like waterfalls and didn't bother wiping them or hiding his face. He didn't move at all. He just sat there; his face not showing any emotion.
Was there really something wrong with him? Just when he felt accepted and not so lonely. Just when some outsider showed him so much kindness and didn't care what he looked like. And told him he was pretty. Sure, only girls are pretty, but he accepted the compliment because it was a thousand- no, ten thousand times better than hearing he was an ugly fag that didn't deserve to live. There was no way Taemin was gonna let himself regret what happened last night. But the way Jinwoon reacted after waking up- and waking up sober at that- was what killed him inside.
Drugs… He needed the drugs right now. He just had to forget the look on Jinwoon's face. He needed to forget what happened this morning and find someone else. Finding the will to move again, Taemin slowly shifted to his knees, but his head spun and he fell back to his side. What was wrong with him? Once more, he tried to get up and succeeded in getting his wobbly legs to rest over the side of the bed as he completely ignored the dull ache in his ass.
He stood up with some difficulty and when he bent down to get his clothes, he fell forwards and just barely caught himself before he landed on the hard, wood floor. It's because he hadn't had a shot since the day before, isn't it? He didn't use the drugs very often, but at least only once a day; if not once every other day. He reached for his clothes- fumbling with his grip- and slithered into them, hating all the while how he felt and just wishing he could get to his drugs.
Once he got his clothes on, he attempted to stand up again and succeeded- albeit, shakily- and left the room. He couldn't walk straight and it was a laborious task just going down the stairs. As he teetered towards the door of the club, he faintly noticed the bartender look at him a bit worriedly with a raised eyebrow. Ignoring the distorted bartender, he pushed open the oddly heavy and misshapen iron door. Why was everything so blurry? Oh, right. The tears were still flowing; they hadn't stopped. It was like someone had turned on the water and forgot to turn off the faucet.
When he finally got outside, the fresh air hit him and felt free somehow. Despite all the curious glances he was getting as he stumbled down the sidewalk towards home, he let the tears fall freely and ignored the people passing him. His head was spinning even more now and his body felt so numb and weak that it was getting harder and harder to get his legs to work. He knew then that he wouldn't make it home in time to take the shot. What was going to happen to him?
He thought of this as he fell to the ground in a heap, startling the passersby. The last thing he saw before losing all consciousness was the face of a blonde angel.
~*~
A/N: Yes, yes, I know. This update was a BIT late. >.> I swear I was almost done with this chapter when I posted the prologue, but in all honesty, I was kinda waiting for more comments on the prologue before I posted the first chapter. Also, I may have been almost done, but there was a part that I wasn't sure how to continue and, therefore, didn't write on it for a while until just yesterday when I magically figured it out and finished the chapter! ^^ I didn't realize until earlier today that it took me almost a whole month just to finish that chapter. O___o So I apologize and I'll try with all my might to make the next update a lil shorter. ;P (I also apologize to Jinwoon from 2AM for the way I wrote him towards the end of this chapter. ;__;) Please comment! They make the updating process A LOT faster. :)