FICATHON: Hogwarts Heroine (Bellatrix Lestrange/surprise character)
Title: Hogwarts Heroine
Author: nereycamille
Pairing: Bellatrix Lestrange/surprise character
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1561
Summary: She might not be an expert in Defence, but she did know about love potions.
Warnings: I DO NOT necessarily endorse dating advice given by the character (I very much do NOT recommend some of it, as a matter of fact)!
Author's Notes: Thanks to the lovely sirmioneforever for running the Number Game Fest! Option # 2 was a challenge, but then this started to slowly build itself up in my head and… I hope you enjoy the result! Canon-compliant, as far as I know (no AU).
I joined the DA at first because it was the place to find all the hunky guys. And also, to be honest, because anyone who wasn’t a full-blown asshole at the time was dying to get in a good kick or twenty at the Carrows.
Then when I heard Harry Potter was coming for the final battle, I just had to be there. I mean maybe I am too shallow for my own good, but I love everything that’s glitzy and glamorous: tabloids and celebs, gossip and fads - they’re all such fun! A battle with Harry Potter? No way to miss it.
So when they evacuated all underage students, I hid behind a statue and sneaked back, just in time to follow a group led by the Weasley twins. I soon understood their task was to organize the defence of all entrances to the school. When I volunteered to help, it was obvious from Fred and George’s scowls that they knew I was underage. But their numbers were so small to cover the whole castle, that they agreed to put me in charge of one of the smaller entrances.
And that’s why I am crouching in a dark room, alone, waiting for the enemy to blow me to bits. Wishing for my friends, who more sensibly than me have left the school for relative safety, and cringing at every jerk of the walls, every dreadful sound or light that speaks of the battle coming every instant nearer.
And here is my first assailant: a skinny witch, with a proud and desperate face, whom I recognize from pictures in the Daily Prophet. Bellatrix Lestrange. I haven’t been so scared since we tackled Boggarts in the DA, but I clamp down hard on it. Because this is real.
“Think fast, girl,” I slap myself mentally. “Couldn’t have done much worse than You-Know-Poo’s lieutenant, that’s for sure. So, options. Spellwork: decent for a fifth-year, good Expelliarmus and such, which means… I’ll surely get clobbered in seconds. Gossip, then. Probably my best chance. Now, what do you know about her? Rita Skeeter, Rita Skeeter, please come and help me… said she was in love with You-Know-Poo, completely obsessed… Yes! I could get her on that.”
I double-check I’m well hidden and lift my wand, definitely not noticing its tremble.
“Hey, Bella-crush. What, moping alone in the corners? How come you’re not with your idol when he may face Harry Potter at any moment? Some fan-girl you are.”
I am expecting some sort of angry answer. Instead I hear a deafening crash, that sends me cowering on the floor with my arms around my head. As the din subsides, I realize that Bellatrix has used a non-verbal spell to blast the column my voice just came from into tiny little pieces.
Thank heavens for the Weasley twins and their 100 Trick Spells That Could Save Your Life When Fighting Death Eaters, because their Vain Ventriloquist Spell certainly just has.
Before I have time to think too much about my chances and panic entirely, I cast it again. Up rises my voice from another part of the room, booming and confident.
“OK, so you can focus better on your job than those goons the Carrows. But that doesn’t get you too far when it comes to attracting him, does it?”
“How would you know?” hisses Bellatrix, after her second marble-mincing jet blasts part of the wall.
“I didn’t until you showed interest just now,” I quip triumphantly.
A second of full silence, then a hurricane seems to hit the room, instantly turning it into a maze of ruins. I have to cast a Shield Charm followed by a Disillusionment Charm to avoid being seen as I roll from under a falling boulder. Pain tears through my shoulder. I struggle to my feet, some part of my mind screaming that this is not a good time to be foggy.
“You’ve made her angry, good job. Now’s the time to put out your best performance. React!” Thank magic for my inner voice, I think faintly. Never fails me.
“Come on, Bella-crush, how long have you been dangling yourself in front of his eyes? Sniffing the floor for crumbs from his table while everybody sneered at your ridiculous attempts? You really think that’s the way to get someone to fall for you? Have you never read Witch Secrets?”
This time there’s silence, which must mean my enemy’s either too unnerved or too interested to strike. I know a decisive advantage when I see it, and I seize my chance with both hands.
“You can attack me, of course,” I say in my most perfected I-could-not-care-less-what-you-choose tone. “You could probably kill me and go on clearing the way for a man that will go on ignoring you. Or, you could let me live and I’ll tell you how to make him beg you to be his partner.”
I can feel Bellatrix’s hunger for the knowledge, almost smell it.
“Well, well, well,” comes the cold answer. “Let’s say for a moment that I’m interested in listening to you.” With a sarcastic courtesy which I make a mental note to try to copy some time, she gestures for me to talk.
I am not fooled for an instant into thinking that I’m momentarily safe. Bellatrix is still stealthily looking around, obviously intending to strike if she catches me unawares. I know that this is life and death, that my talking skills are all that stands between me and a murderous fanatic. But I still can’t help a thrill of excitement, because I simply adore giving dating advice.
“OK. Well, the first thing is, no one will want you if you’re begging for their love. You have to be the one who is doing the other a favour. Rule number two: if even then, they refuse to notice you, you have to resort to a love potion. Don’t even bother with trying to improve your looks,” I throw in my not-that-it-would-do-much-good-in-your-case glance, “looks are to impress other girls. Guys don’t even notice them most of the time. Now, when we talk of love potions - have you heard of Fred and George Weasley’s?”
Bellatrix twitches, which I decide to interpret as a negative.
“Well, they’re the best in the range, hands down. Now I’m gonna give you my special recipe: one particular Weasley love potion, with a couple of tweaks by myself. If you want it, you’ll have to pay for it.”
This is enough to send Bellatrix Lestrange into a flying temper.
“PAY FOR IT? You filthy half-breed, how dare you -”
OK. Gryffindor courage? Now would be in the nick of time.
“Come on, Bell-crush, let’s stop pretending you’re not desperate. I’m trying to help. Do you want him to love you or not? I don’t ask much - just that you leave me alone and keep your friends from attacking this door.”
“Tell me your information first, and then I’ll decide if it’s worth that price,” she sneers.
“Yeah, of course. Why didn’t I think of it myself? No, Ms. Lestrange, if we’re going to do business, I want your promise that you’ll do as I asked to the best of your ability. And then I’ll tell you the secret.”
Bellatrix looks suspicious. She’s obviously sensing a trap behind my easy surrender, but I’m quite sure she doesn’t know about the Promising Promise spell I’m planning to use. Another of the twins’ creations, it ensures the victim can’t break their promise for twenty-four hours because they would collapse in terrible fits of tickling if they tried. Come on, Bell-crush, take the bait…
“Very well,” says Bellatrix finally. “I promise.”
A couple of minutes later, I have the situation safely under control. I've come out of hiding to tell Bellatrix Lestrange my secret. She's made the obligatory attempt at betrayal (I mean, does no one teach them that we expect that and that we are usually prepared for it?): Merlin’s beard, the sight of her writhing on the floor! She has finally hobbled away, her ribs and dignity equally hurting from lingering tickles.
And now I’m sitting on the floor, clutching my own ribs in a mixed need to laugh, cry, and pass out from sheer relief and wonder. Slowly I realize that I have defeated one of the greatest Dark witches of all time. You-Know-Poo’s lieutenant won’t bother me again tonight, and I’m sure she’ll do all in her power to restrain her cronies as well. I hate that this means sending them to attack my schoolmates in other parts of the castle, but I honestly think I have done what I could. As a fifth year, I can’t hope to contain them the way half a dozen fully trained magicians can! I was given a door and I have defended it; others will have to take care of the rest.
Are they going to be impressed, though. With a flourish almost as elegant as Bellatrix’s, I flick my wand. As my Patronus, a gorgeous peacock, appears and starts quivering its train, I consider the words I’m going to send. Smirking, I speak loud and clear.
“This is Romilda Vane to the Weasley twins or Neville Longbottom. Pumpkin backdoor safe. Repeat, pumpkin backdoor is safe. Bellatrix Lestrange heading toward the front door now. Repeat, Bellatrix Lestrange is heading your way. Over and out.”
Author: nereycamille
Pairing: Bellatrix Lestrange/surprise character
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1561
Summary: She might not be an expert in Defence, but she did know about love potions.
Warnings: I DO NOT necessarily endorse dating advice given by the character (I very much do NOT recommend some of it, as a matter of fact)!
Author's Notes: Thanks to the lovely sirmioneforever for running the Number Game Fest! Option # 2 was a challenge, but then this started to slowly build itself up in my head and… I hope you enjoy the result! Canon-compliant, as far as I know (no AU).
I joined the DA at first because it was the place to find all the hunky guys. And also, to be honest, because anyone who wasn’t a full-blown asshole at the time was dying to get in a good kick or twenty at the Carrows.
Then when I heard Harry Potter was coming for the final battle, I just had to be there. I mean maybe I am too shallow for my own good, but I love everything that’s glitzy and glamorous: tabloids and celebs, gossip and fads - they’re all such fun! A battle with Harry Potter? No way to miss it.
So when they evacuated all underage students, I hid behind a statue and sneaked back, just in time to follow a group led by the Weasley twins. I soon understood their task was to organize the defence of all entrances to the school. When I volunteered to help, it was obvious from Fred and George’s scowls that they knew I was underage. But their numbers were so small to cover the whole castle, that they agreed to put me in charge of one of the smaller entrances.
And that’s why I am crouching in a dark room, alone, waiting for the enemy to blow me to bits. Wishing for my friends, who more sensibly than me have left the school for relative safety, and cringing at every jerk of the walls, every dreadful sound or light that speaks of the battle coming every instant nearer.
And here is my first assailant: a skinny witch, with a proud and desperate face, whom I recognize from pictures in the Daily Prophet. Bellatrix Lestrange. I haven’t been so scared since we tackled Boggarts in the DA, but I clamp down hard on it. Because this is real.
“Think fast, girl,” I slap myself mentally. “Couldn’t have done much worse than You-Know-Poo’s lieutenant, that’s for sure. So, options. Spellwork: decent for a fifth-year, good Expelliarmus and such, which means… I’ll surely get clobbered in seconds. Gossip, then. Probably my best chance. Now, what do you know about her? Rita Skeeter, Rita Skeeter, please come and help me… said she was in love with You-Know-Poo, completely obsessed… Yes! I could get her on that.”
I double-check I’m well hidden and lift my wand, definitely not noticing its tremble.
“Hey, Bella-crush. What, moping alone in the corners? How come you’re not with your idol when he may face Harry Potter at any moment? Some fan-girl you are.”
I am expecting some sort of angry answer. Instead I hear a deafening crash, that sends me cowering on the floor with my arms around my head. As the din subsides, I realize that Bellatrix has used a non-verbal spell to blast the column my voice just came from into tiny little pieces.
Thank heavens for the Weasley twins and their 100 Trick Spells That Could Save Your Life When Fighting Death Eaters, because their Vain Ventriloquist Spell certainly just has.
Before I have time to think too much about my chances and panic entirely, I cast it again. Up rises my voice from another part of the room, booming and confident.
“OK, so you can focus better on your job than those goons the Carrows. But that doesn’t get you too far when it comes to attracting him, does it?”
“How would you know?” hisses Bellatrix, after her second marble-mincing jet blasts part of the wall.
“I didn’t until you showed interest just now,” I quip triumphantly.
A second of full silence, then a hurricane seems to hit the room, instantly turning it into a maze of ruins. I have to cast a Shield Charm followed by a Disillusionment Charm to avoid being seen as I roll from under a falling boulder. Pain tears through my shoulder. I struggle to my feet, some part of my mind screaming that this is not a good time to be foggy.
“You’ve made her angry, good job. Now’s the time to put out your best performance. React!” Thank magic for my inner voice, I think faintly. Never fails me.
“Come on, Bella-crush, how long have you been dangling yourself in front of his eyes? Sniffing the floor for crumbs from his table while everybody sneered at your ridiculous attempts? You really think that’s the way to get someone to fall for you? Have you never read Witch Secrets?”
This time there’s silence, which must mean my enemy’s either too unnerved or too interested to strike. I know a decisive advantage when I see it, and I seize my chance with both hands.
“You can attack me, of course,” I say in my most perfected I-could-not-care-less-what-you-choose tone. “You could probably kill me and go on clearing the way for a man that will go on ignoring you. Or, you could let me live and I’ll tell you how to make him beg you to be his partner.”
I can feel Bellatrix’s hunger for the knowledge, almost smell it.
“Well, well, well,” comes the cold answer. “Let’s say for a moment that I’m interested in listening to you.” With a sarcastic courtesy which I make a mental note to try to copy some time, she gestures for me to talk.
I am not fooled for an instant into thinking that I’m momentarily safe. Bellatrix is still stealthily looking around, obviously intending to strike if she catches me unawares. I know that this is life and death, that my talking skills are all that stands between me and a murderous fanatic. But I still can’t help a thrill of excitement, because I simply adore giving dating advice.
“OK. Well, the first thing is, no one will want you if you’re begging for their love. You have to be the one who is doing the other a favour. Rule number two: if even then, they refuse to notice you, you have to resort to a love potion. Don’t even bother with trying to improve your looks,” I throw in my not-that-it-would-do-much-good-in-your-case glance, “looks are to impress other girls. Guys don’t even notice them most of the time. Now, when we talk of love potions - have you heard of Fred and George Weasley’s?”
Bellatrix twitches, which I decide to interpret as a negative.
“Well, they’re the best in the range, hands down. Now I’m gonna give you my special recipe: one particular Weasley love potion, with a couple of tweaks by myself. If you want it, you’ll have to pay for it.”
This is enough to send Bellatrix Lestrange into a flying temper.
“PAY FOR IT? You filthy half-breed, how dare you -”
OK. Gryffindor courage? Now would be in the nick of time.
“Come on, Bell-crush, let’s stop pretending you’re not desperate. I’m trying to help. Do you want him to love you or not? I don’t ask much - just that you leave me alone and keep your friends from attacking this door.”
“Tell me your information first, and then I’ll decide if it’s worth that price,” she sneers.
“Yeah, of course. Why didn’t I think of it myself? No, Ms. Lestrange, if we’re going to do business, I want your promise that you’ll do as I asked to the best of your ability. And then I’ll tell you the secret.”
Bellatrix looks suspicious. She’s obviously sensing a trap behind my easy surrender, but I’m quite sure she doesn’t know about the Promising Promise spell I’m planning to use. Another of the twins’ creations, it ensures the victim can’t break their promise for twenty-four hours because they would collapse in terrible fits of tickling if they tried. Come on, Bell-crush, take the bait…
“Very well,” says Bellatrix finally. “I promise.”
A couple of minutes later, I have the situation safely under control. I've come out of hiding to tell Bellatrix Lestrange my secret. She's made the obligatory attempt at betrayal (I mean, does no one teach them that we expect that and that we are usually prepared for it?): Merlin’s beard, the sight of her writhing on the floor! She has finally hobbled away, her ribs and dignity equally hurting from lingering tickles.
And now I’m sitting on the floor, clutching my own ribs in a mixed need to laugh, cry, and pass out from sheer relief and wonder. Slowly I realize that I have defeated one of the greatest Dark witches of all time. You-Know-Poo’s lieutenant won’t bother me again tonight, and I’m sure she’ll do all in her power to restrain her cronies as well. I hate that this means sending them to attack my schoolmates in other parts of the castle, but I honestly think I have done what I could. As a fifth year, I can’t hope to contain them the way half a dozen fully trained magicians can! I was given a door and I have defended it; others will have to take care of the rest.
Are they going to be impressed, though. With a flourish almost as elegant as Bellatrix’s, I flick my wand. As my Patronus, a gorgeous peacock, appears and starts quivering its train, I consider the words I’m going to send. Smirking, I speak loud and clear.
“This is Romilda Vane to the Weasley twins or Neville Longbottom. Pumpkin backdoor safe. Repeat, pumpkin backdoor is safe. Bellatrix Lestrange heading toward the front door now. Repeat, Bellatrix Lestrange is heading your way. Over and out.”