Continued
So, I'm back again. Sorry. Last night I was at the movie theatre watching Ghostbusters with Mark, Mair, and of course; Numbers.
Not this past June, but June 2013, I escaped from the worst, most toxic relationship I've ever been in in my entire life. It was a horrible nightmare of my entire life and I never realized until I moved into my new place how bad it had been. The newest chapter of my life began and I found a new friend circle and lifestyle with the fetish community. In August, I found Numbers. On October 21st, we made ourselves official and started a relationship that has been basically on and off again until now.
When I lived in my previous nightmare, I literally got to the point where I would have panic attacks when I heard him moving in his room, because I thought that he would say something to me. Now, I feel similar feelings with Numbers. It's to the point where I am getting upset because I don't hear from him. Or if I see him and he won't touch me. Or if I am generally just around him.
It's strange, I feel so happy around him when we are together and actually having a good part of our lives. The summer, it was wonderful. He started to offer me more trust. More everything. He let me dye his hair. He wanted me to help him with designing his tattoo. He came with me to my family reunion. He wanted me with him on the anniversary of his ex fiance breaking up with him. And the most important thing is not what he said, or what he "did" so much as how it felt to be with him. When I slept over and we were in bed together, it was the way that he held me before falling asleep. It was then that I could feel his true feelings.
But, he has apparently decided that we are not together, which he alerted me to...by updating his status on Fetlife. Fantastic. Really mature. We barely talk, he doesn't seem to have any time for me anymore. At all. I honestly feel like I have the plague and he is trying to run from me as fast as possible.
Now, in the meantime I have seen a new guy a few times. A few times. We hung out twice at spot, and then got lunch together. Then the other night, we went out late. It was awesome. The tension was high, we hung out in my car. He kissed me. Extremely passionately. Long story short, we spent the night together. (I don't care that this is TMI. I don't care what you think of me as a person. I'm single according to Numbers, we have talked a bunch and it was two consenting adults)
However, I have been trying to talk to him for two days. And...he has basically stopped responding. Like, completely done. I don't know what I did. I just feel so down.
Everything has just been going wrong in the past year. Completely awful.
I still don't know what to do any further. I have recently been losing all thought about what to do. I just feel so lost and hopeless. I need something to change soon. I don't know what else to do. I'm just going to rant here as much as I can, so I don't blow it out anywhere else. I know most people don't even use this anymore, so it's a nice quiet outlet. I just need something. I don't know.
Not this past June, but June 2013, I escaped from the worst, most toxic relationship I've ever been in in my entire life. It was a horrible nightmare of my entire life and I never realized until I moved into my new place how bad it had been. The newest chapter of my life began and I found a new friend circle and lifestyle with the fetish community. In August, I found Numbers. On October 21st, we made ourselves official and started a relationship that has been basically on and off again until now.
When I lived in my previous nightmare, I literally got to the point where I would have panic attacks when I heard him moving in his room, because I thought that he would say something to me. Now, I feel similar feelings with Numbers. It's to the point where I am getting upset because I don't hear from him. Or if I see him and he won't touch me. Or if I am generally just around him.
It's strange, I feel so happy around him when we are together and actually having a good part of our lives. The summer, it was wonderful. He started to offer me more trust. More everything. He let me dye his hair. He wanted me to help him with designing his tattoo. He came with me to my family reunion. He wanted me with him on the anniversary of his ex fiance breaking up with him. And the most important thing is not what he said, or what he "did" so much as how it felt to be with him. When I slept over and we were in bed together, it was the way that he held me before falling asleep. It was then that I could feel his true feelings.
But, he has apparently decided that we are not together, which he alerted me to...by updating his status on Fetlife. Fantastic. Really mature. We barely talk, he doesn't seem to have any time for me anymore. At all. I honestly feel like I have the plague and he is trying to run from me as fast as possible.
Now, in the meantime I have seen a new guy a few times. A few times. We hung out twice at spot, and then got lunch together. Then the other night, we went out late. It was awesome. The tension was high, we hung out in my car. He kissed me. Extremely passionately. Long story short, we spent the night together. (I don't care that this is TMI. I don't care what you think of me as a person. I'm single according to Numbers, we have talked a bunch and it was two consenting adults)
However, I have been trying to talk to him for two days. And...he has basically stopped responding. Like, completely done. I don't know what I did. I just feel so down.
Everything has just been going wrong in the past year. Completely awful.
I still don't know what to do any further. I have recently been losing all thought about what to do. I just feel so lost and hopeless. I need something to change soon. I don't know what else to do. I'm just going to rant here as much as I can, so I don't blow it out anywhere else. I know most people don't even use this anymore, so it's a nice quiet outlet. I just need something. I don't know.