(no subject)
i never thought i'd do this, you guys, but i'm about to post song lyrics. now i can't mock you all behind your backs anymore.
just kidding. (or am i?)
oh god. seriously, i'm going on week 2 of no income, because my lovely boss has told me that he wants me to wait until the book is printed do do any more work. well, okay, but when you hire someone full time, and they QUIT THEIR BORING BUT STABLE DAY JOB TO WORK FOR YOU, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO THINK OF STUFF FOR THEM TO DO AND PAY THEM FULL FUCKING TIME.
and my job search has been fruitless. so...whatever. i just keep feeling like every time things are going well, the rug gets pulled out from beneath me. i mean, broidy capital sucked, but i was saving a decent amount of money, and then i got fired from there...
this was a BOOK, a real book with my name in print. and a real job, or so i thought.
anyway. i bought cree summer's music because, as the devious person i am, i decided that listening to it would help me to understand more about her and write my kids' pilot in a way to appeal to her so that she's agree to be one of the characters, thus ensuring financing.
what do you know...i really liked it.
and i'm listening to "deliciously down"
...i need to slide deliciously down to where i hurt the least
i need high prayers
to breathe through and i
need to shine like i used to
and i know that i'm not supposed to be for nothing
and suddenly i'm just crying, like seriously, like a little emo bitch. (no offense)
sometimes i really hate myself. because the thing is, i KNOW what i'm capable of, and i don't know why i can't just be doing it, and i know it's not just that oh the world is not fair and i don't have connections and blah blah, because there has to be something that i'm doing wrong. there has to be something that i can do differently. i just don't know what.
well. i keep thinking that maybe i should just move back home. and that makes me feel even worse than everything else.
just kidding. (or am i?)
oh god. seriously, i'm going on week 2 of no income, because my lovely boss has told me that he wants me to wait until the book is printed do do any more work. well, okay, but when you hire someone full time, and they QUIT THEIR BORING BUT STABLE DAY JOB TO WORK FOR YOU, YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO THINK OF STUFF FOR THEM TO DO AND PAY THEM FULL FUCKING TIME.
and my job search has been fruitless. so...whatever. i just keep feeling like every time things are going well, the rug gets pulled out from beneath me. i mean, broidy capital sucked, but i was saving a decent amount of money, and then i got fired from there...
this was a BOOK, a real book with my name in print. and a real job, or so i thought.
anyway. i bought cree summer's music because, as the devious person i am, i decided that listening to it would help me to understand more about her and write my kids' pilot in a way to appeal to her so that she's agree to be one of the characters, thus ensuring financing.
what do you know...i really liked it.
and i'm listening to "deliciously down"
...i need to slide deliciously down to where i hurt the least
i need high prayers
to breathe through and i
need to shine like i used to
and i know that i'm not supposed to be for nothing
and suddenly i'm just crying, like seriously, like a little emo bitch. (no offense)
sometimes i really hate myself. because the thing is, i KNOW what i'm capable of, and i don't know why i can't just be doing it, and i know it's not just that oh the world is not fair and i don't have connections and blah blah, because there has to be something that i'm doing wrong. there has to be something that i can do differently. i just don't know what.
well. i keep thinking that maybe i should just move back home. and that makes me feel even worse than everything else.