Shitty start, shitty end
So this year started out pretty shitty. And its shaping up to end pretty shitty too. Go figure.
The last few months have been pretty crappy. And everything just keeps going from bad to worse.
I'm broker and broker, running myself a little more in debt every month. I've been feeling very run down lately as well. And then a few weeks ago I threw a rod in my car. Fucking fantastic. Luckily (if you can call it luck), I didnt crack the block - so it's repairable - as opposed to throwing out the entire engine. But it's still costing around $1500. Which I dont have. Which my dad paid $1000 on already and said "we'll figure something out for the rest". So I may not owe a banking instituition, but I'll owe my parents. And that can be worse in ways. The only good thing is that we are going ahead and fixing some other glitches that I havent been able to afford, so once its done I wont have to worry about anything more than oil changes and routine maintenence for at least 2 - 3 years. Which by then I sincerely hope I'm out of this hole and able to start the mods I want to do on the 'lude. But we'll see.
With my luck I'll be livin in my parents basement with Tundra and the cats. Where I'll be until I'm like 45 and they finally kick me out.
Oh and it's the holidays. Woo freakin' hoo. I'm so not feelin it this year. I'm so broke I really cant afford to get presents. But I am anyway because I cant just give my family a hand written card that says "sorry! but merry xmas anyway yo". And the one person I really want to spend it with, I can't.
This thing with Tundra has me really mad/upset too. I get so mad when I notice her eye and how white it is getting. Because of their negligence and ignorance my poor puppy is not only 3-legged, but possibly going to end up blind too. A very high possibility. She's only a year! She's just a baby. :( I wish so bad I could call those people and tell them, but bc of where I work I cant. I dont want to make any trouble for myself or the clinic. But my poor pup. I don't know what I'm going to do when she loses vision in both eyes. She's a smart girl I"m sure she'll be ok, but its gonna be hard for her. < sigh >
All week I've been having my "bad feeling". It started around Sunday night, maybe Monday night. And then really got worse after the nightmare I had on tuesday. It was one of those that are SO real that when you wake up you arent sure if it happened or not. I woke up at 6. Wide awake and my heart racing. I couldnt tell if it was a dream or not. But it was, cos I checked my cell to see if I really did talk to that person and I hadnt. It just made the feeling worse. I still cant shake the fake conversation I had, it was just that real. And something I fear coming true. I hate it when I get this bad feeling. Because I've noticed that 9 times out of 10 I'm right and something bad does happen.
So of course none of that is helping my 'holiday' mood. Ugh.
New Year's is gonna be a riot let me tell you. I'm off that whole weekend. And I will more than likely end up getting totally drunk by myself. And if I end up here all alone, which I'm pretty sure I will, I fully intend on getting so trashed i puke or pass out. I finally found somewhere that sells the wine I was looking for! Yesterday at Target - of all freakin' places ha ha. I bought a $7.99 bottle. Will probably be drinking some tonight. Now I know where to go to get it for new years. Shit-faced city. Here I come. I havent been drunk but once and it was when I was like 22. With my ex bf. It was fun til we started puking everywhere! I figure if I'm alone I may as well be stoned and drunk. That way I cant possibly end next year any worse off - unless I'm dead. There's only one place I want to be, and if I cant be there then I'd rather be alone.
I've not been good company the past week but maybe this week I can force myself into a better mood. Fake it til you make it right.
So if I dont talk to you before then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and I hope you get whatever your little hearts desire most.
The last few months have been pretty crappy. And everything just keeps going from bad to worse.
I'm broker and broker, running myself a little more in debt every month. I've been feeling very run down lately as well. And then a few weeks ago I threw a rod in my car. Fucking fantastic. Luckily (if you can call it luck), I didnt crack the block - so it's repairable - as opposed to throwing out the entire engine. But it's still costing around $1500. Which I dont have. Which my dad paid $1000 on already and said "we'll figure something out for the rest". So I may not owe a banking instituition, but I'll owe my parents. And that can be worse in ways. The only good thing is that we are going ahead and fixing some other glitches that I havent been able to afford, so once its done I wont have to worry about anything more than oil changes and routine maintenence for at least 2 - 3 years. Which by then I sincerely hope I'm out of this hole and able to start the mods I want to do on the 'lude. But we'll see.
With my luck I'll be livin in my parents basement with Tundra and the cats. Where I'll be until I'm like 45 and they finally kick me out.
Oh and it's the holidays. Woo freakin' hoo. I'm so not feelin it this year. I'm so broke I really cant afford to get presents. But I am anyway because I cant just give my family a hand written card that says "sorry! but merry xmas anyway yo". And the one person I really want to spend it with, I can't.
This thing with Tundra has me really mad/upset too. I get so mad when I notice her eye and how white it is getting. Because of their negligence and ignorance my poor puppy is not only 3-legged, but possibly going to end up blind too. A very high possibility. She's only a year! She's just a baby. :( I wish so bad I could call those people and tell them, but bc of where I work I cant. I dont want to make any trouble for myself or the clinic. But my poor pup. I don't know what I'm going to do when she loses vision in both eyes. She's a smart girl I"m sure she'll be ok, but its gonna be hard for her. < sigh >
All week I've been having my "bad feeling". It started around Sunday night, maybe Monday night. And then really got worse after the nightmare I had on tuesday. It was one of those that are SO real that when you wake up you arent sure if it happened or not. I woke up at 6. Wide awake and my heart racing. I couldnt tell if it was a dream or not. But it was, cos I checked my cell to see if I really did talk to that person and I hadnt. It just made the feeling worse. I still cant shake the fake conversation I had, it was just that real. And something I fear coming true. I hate it when I get this bad feeling. Because I've noticed that 9 times out of 10 I'm right and something bad does happen.
So of course none of that is helping my 'holiday' mood. Ugh.
New Year's is gonna be a riot let me tell you. I'm off that whole weekend. And I will more than likely end up getting totally drunk by myself. And if I end up here all alone, which I'm pretty sure I will, I fully intend on getting so trashed i puke or pass out. I finally found somewhere that sells the wine I was looking for! Yesterday at Target - of all freakin' places ha ha. I bought a $7.99 bottle. Will probably be drinking some tonight. Now I know where to go to get it for new years. Shit-faced city. Here I come. I havent been drunk but once and it was when I was like 22. With my ex bf. It was fun til we started puking everywhere! I figure if I'm alone I may as well be stoned and drunk. That way I cant possibly end next year any worse off - unless I'm dead. There's only one place I want to be, and if I cant be there then I'd rather be alone.
I've not been good company the past week but maybe this week I can force myself into a better mood. Fake it til you make it right.
So if I dont talk to you before then, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year and I hope you get whatever your little hearts desire most.