So confused!
Man, I fell asleep by 4:30 yesterday evening, and just woke up about 30 minutes ago. I really needed the sleep. I guess now that I'm stressed again, it's taking a toll on my body :-(
Today I have to call Thomas and find out if Mike can work my shift, because stupid me forgot all about writing down my trip to Pennsylvania, and cautious me doesn't want to get written up for such ludacris things! If I got fired from McDonald's, I don't know what I'd do. :-( So, fingers crossed, maybe I can get out of work.
Well, today, rather- yesterday, I did not talk to or look at Matt at all. Brilliant planning, Kristena, except that you HAVE TO TALK TO SOMEONE TO WORRY ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS! It's just too hard though. I heard him talking on the bus, and he was like, "every time I'm around a girl I get tempted, and I feel so bad about it... and after I release that tension, I realize that what I'm doing is wrong." I really don't think he knew I was listening, but I heard every word. That asshole! Between him and alcohol, I've found the death of me yet. So I think I'll just... I don't know, ignore him for a change. Maybe. If I can. I mean, it shouldn't be too hard this week or next, but what about after that? Could I really do it for a long time?
I don't know if I told you guys about this, but if I have, oh well. A guy from my class told me a story about a girl he's been friends with since, like, second grade. Well, recently she confessed that she really, really liked him, calling him the "love of her life" and other such things. He was taken by surprise, and I guess he sort of, I don't know, blew her off. Well, a little while later (time reference: about a week) he realized that he liked her like that too. But it was too late, because she had found someone to get over him with... one of his friends. Now it's tearing him up inside. Now he's a pretty decent guy, and very smart- but he can't pull it together around her.
And as he told me his story, I knew exactly how the girl felt. I mean, I relate completely. So I couldn't help him much with his dilemma. But every other day he listens to my updated story, and I listen to his, and I think we've sort of bonded over it, lol. I mean, he's a great guy for listening and he gives sound advice, and can make me laugh, and I help him out too.
But I can't make myself like anyone else but Matt right now. Not in an unhealthy stalker way, but in a "my heart won't let me decide this one" kind of way. And every time I think of him, I feel nauseous and numb, and I just want to cry, which sucks.
I wonder if he ever thinks about me. You know? I wonder if he looks for me in the hall, just to avoid me, or if, while listening to his music, he's concentrating on not focusing on our past, like I do. In my presence, does he think about how awkward we've become? I almost hope so. I almost hope, as bitter as this sounds, that it's killing him inside, too. Isn't it supposed to? In all the blockbuster hits, it always does, but what about real life? Those hits are hits because they AREN'T reality, but does reality ever work like that? Doesn't it have to, for people to come up with such ideas?
But aren't love stories the staple of comedies AND tragedies? Perhaps mankind has been telling this tale far too long...
Kristena
Today I have to call Thomas and find out if Mike can work my shift, because stupid me forgot all about writing down my trip to Pennsylvania, and cautious me doesn't want to get written up for such ludacris things! If I got fired from McDonald's, I don't know what I'd do. :-( So, fingers crossed, maybe I can get out of work.
Well, today, rather- yesterday, I did not talk to or look at Matt at all. Brilliant planning, Kristena, except that you HAVE TO TALK TO SOMEONE TO WORRY ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS! It's just too hard though. I heard him talking on the bus, and he was like, "every time I'm around a girl I get tempted, and I feel so bad about it... and after I release that tension, I realize that what I'm doing is wrong." I really don't think he knew I was listening, but I heard every word. That asshole! Between him and alcohol, I've found the death of me yet. So I think I'll just... I don't know, ignore him for a change. Maybe. If I can. I mean, it shouldn't be too hard this week or next, but what about after that? Could I really do it for a long time?
I don't know if I told you guys about this, but if I have, oh well. A guy from my class told me a story about a girl he's been friends with since, like, second grade. Well, recently she confessed that she really, really liked him, calling him the "love of her life" and other such things. He was taken by surprise, and I guess he sort of, I don't know, blew her off. Well, a little while later (time reference: about a week) he realized that he liked her like that too. But it was too late, because she had found someone to get over him with... one of his friends. Now it's tearing him up inside. Now he's a pretty decent guy, and very smart- but he can't pull it together around her.
And as he told me his story, I knew exactly how the girl felt. I mean, I relate completely. So I couldn't help him much with his dilemma. But every other day he listens to my updated story, and I listen to his, and I think we've sort of bonded over it, lol. I mean, he's a great guy for listening and he gives sound advice, and can make me laugh, and I help him out too.
But I can't make myself like anyone else but Matt right now. Not in an unhealthy stalker way, but in a "my heart won't let me decide this one" kind of way. And every time I think of him, I feel nauseous and numb, and I just want to cry, which sucks.
I wonder if he ever thinks about me. You know? I wonder if he looks for me in the hall, just to avoid me, or if, while listening to his music, he's concentrating on not focusing on our past, like I do. In my presence, does he think about how awkward we've become? I almost hope so. I almost hope, as bitter as this sounds, that it's killing him inside, too. Isn't it supposed to? In all the blockbuster hits, it always does, but what about real life? Those hits are hits because they AREN'T reality, but does reality ever work like that? Doesn't it have to, for people to come up with such ideas?
But aren't love stories the staple of comedies AND tragedies? Perhaps mankind has been telling this tale far too long...
Kristena