Matt Woes
Ah! Tis but thy IGNORANCE that is my enemy! So stupid would, he not stupid called, retain that dear blindness for which stupid doth owe.
I'm sure Shakespeare meant to write that in somewhere.
So here I am, just waking up after a tiring, eventful, depressing evening. It's like every afternoon I'm setting myself up for a new, unforseen torture. And the heartbreaking thing is that he's not exactly helping. I'm doomed to failure, and I know this.
Would it be too odd to ask for Matt S to go out with me? I can imagine his every arguement and how I could counter that. Here's my list I've come up with so far:
Him: I'm moving really soon, so it would be pointless.
Me: I don't expect it to last forever anyway...
Him: Well, our parents would freak out.
Me: What they don't know won't hurt us.
Him: But being a couple might stress us out, since exams and SOLs are coming out soon...
Me: Don't you miss a regular relationship? Don't you miss holding hands, being cutesy and fun, and doing stupid crap like making out through a movie just because you can? That's not too much different then what we have now though, just with a title.
Him: What if Megan finds out?
Me: What if she's okay with it? Have you asked her?
I've obviously thought of countless scenarios in my head. The only thing I won't be prepared for is if he just flat out says no. I don't handle rejection well. I don't know what I'd do. And in all honesty, not that much would change. We'd be more affectionate in public, that's about it. We'd go out occassionally, and that's about it. Everything we do now would not be that different. Just more.
I had a dream earlier that me and Matt were in Mrs. McDaniel's room (my sixth grade reading teacher) and he was kissing me on my ear and neck, and I kept telling him that he knows just what I like. Then we walked out of the library (don't ask), arms all over each other. We set out a picnic blanket in the lawn and he pointed up to two stars. "There are no two stars in space that are as close as those two, and no two in the sky shine as bright together." Then we hugged and kissed. He got up and walked away for a minute, and I followed him. He got into a jeep and waved at me. "Where are you going?" I called to him. He shrugged. Then I said, "stay with me" and he jumped out of the jeep. Behind him was a really really pretty blonde girl. She stepped out too. "Sorry" he said to me. I started walking towards them, frustrated and confused. He pushed her into the jeep and then got in, using the door as if to guard them from me. "Why Matt?" I asked him. He looked me in the eyes and said, "you were just the flavor of the week", but I think the last statement is to be some sort of pun, also meaning "you were just the flavor of the WEAK."
I don't exactly know what to do with this dream, but it's depressing and I think it's almost straightforward.
I've been talking to Chelsea and Austin and Michelle about everything, and Chelsea has been the most helpful. She has revealed to me a startling revelation- if I ask him out and he says no, I say no. Bottom line. I mean, if I tell him no, what have I got to lose? Something I never had to begin with- his respect. And if he stops talking to me or something, it won't be the end of the world. I know because he's already put me through that. I survived, and I moved on. Simply put. I won't be happy about it, but I will survive. Like Chelsea said, if he says no, he's got me to lose. He's not much for me to lose, I mean, he's a lying jackass, but if he says no, he's going to lose me forever, and that'll be his mistake.
I wish I hadn't gone to the library, I mean, he was so freakin'... well, I can't type anymore about him here, but I can say that what happened today won't happen again unless something happens soon. I have to say no eventually, now would be a good time to start.
Kristena
I'm sure Shakespeare meant to write that in somewhere.
So here I am, just waking up after a tiring, eventful, depressing evening. It's like every afternoon I'm setting myself up for a new, unforseen torture. And the heartbreaking thing is that he's not exactly helping. I'm doomed to failure, and I know this.
Would it be too odd to ask for Matt S to go out with me? I can imagine his every arguement and how I could counter that. Here's my list I've come up with so far:
Him: I'm moving really soon, so it would be pointless.
Me: I don't expect it to last forever anyway...
Him: Well, our parents would freak out.
Me: What they don't know won't hurt us.
Him: But being a couple might stress us out, since exams and SOLs are coming out soon...
Me: Don't you miss a regular relationship? Don't you miss holding hands, being cutesy and fun, and doing stupid crap like making out through a movie just because you can? That's not too much different then what we have now though, just with a title.
Him: What if Megan finds out?
Me: What if she's okay with it? Have you asked her?
I've obviously thought of countless scenarios in my head. The only thing I won't be prepared for is if he just flat out says no. I don't handle rejection well. I don't know what I'd do. And in all honesty, not that much would change. We'd be more affectionate in public, that's about it. We'd go out occassionally, and that's about it. Everything we do now would not be that different. Just more.
I had a dream earlier that me and Matt were in Mrs. McDaniel's room (my sixth grade reading teacher) and he was kissing me on my ear and neck, and I kept telling him that he knows just what I like. Then we walked out of the library (don't ask), arms all over each other. We set out a picnic blanket in the lawn and he pointed up to two stars. "There are no two stars in space that are as close as those two, and no two in the sky shine as bright together." Then we hugged and kissed. He got up and walked away for a minute, and I followed him. He got into a jeep and waved at me. "Where are you going?" I called to him. He shrugged. Then I said, "stay with me" and he jumped out of the jeep. Behind him was a really really pretty blonde girl. She stepped out too. "Sorry" he said to me. I started walking towards them, frustrated and confused. He pushed her into the jeep and then got in, using the door as if to guard them from me. "Why Matt?" I asked him. He looked me in the eyes and said, "you were just the flavor of the week", but I think the last statement is to be some sort of pun, also meaning "you were just the flavor of the WEAK."
I don't exactly know what to do with this dream, but it's depressing and I think it's almost straightforward.
I've been talking to Chelsea and Austin and Michelle about everything, and Chelsea has been the most helpful. She has revealed to me a startling revelation- if I ask him out and he says no, I say no. Bottom line. I mean, if I tell him no, what have I got to lose? Something I never had to begin with- his respect. And if he stops talking to me or something, it won't be the end of the world. I know because he's already put me through that. I survived, and I moved on. Simply put. I won't be happy about it, but I will survive. Like Chelsea said, if he says no, he's got me to lose. He's not much for me to lose, I mean, he's a lying jackass, but if he says no, he's going to lose me forever, and that'll be his mistake.
I wish I hadn't gone to the library, I mean, he was so freakin'... well, I can't type anymore about him here, but I can say that what happened today won't happen again unless something happens soon. I have to say no eventually, now would be a good time to start.
Kristena