(no subject)
im really thinking about alot of shit right now. my mind has never been this full of thoughts in my life. i feel sick. like really sick. im really being unhealthy. im losing weight and you can see it. im just going to come right out and say it because im tired of hiding it. i shouldnt have to hide it. i dont eat ive lost my appatite for living. i feel like i have a fever all the time. my head spins. and i cry. at everything. i scream at everyone. and then i act fake in front of people who care about me. because all everyone tells me is that everything happens for a reason and that life will go on and all this other stuff. yeah well i guess im just weak because i cant deal with it. im not going to school tomorrow. and probibly not for the rest of the week. and im not sure if im going to go back. ive been thinking of moving. and you might think im running away from my problems and that i cant face them and you might be right. but it hurts to much to look at someone in the eyes that you love with every inch of you. every breath you take is to keep living another day just so you can see there beautiful face. and that might sound crazy but when you lose someone that you hold so much respect for, and had so much passion with and could tell anything to and feel so comfortable around, that you could look like hell and know that they think your the most beautiful person in the world, you start dying. The most painfull death, theres no cure. because the cure is the one that left. the only thing that could take all my pain away with just one glance into her eyes has walked away, and moved on. i havent moved on. im sorry but i havent. and i HIGHLY doubt i will. maybe one day i will but i will always have this gapping infected wound in my heart that will prevent me from being fully happy. all i did was love. all i did was care. all i did was everything i could to be there. and you were always there, untill the day you left. so im thinking that its best for me and best for her that i dont see her. im talking to my mom tomorrow about moving in with my aunt in virgina. i know im welcome. and i know that its the only thing i can do to make her happy is leave. because why would you want someone to be in love with you if you dont love them back. knowing that every time you see that person it hurst them to be there to be living to be with out you. i dont want to bother her with that i want her to be happy. i want her to find someone she really loves and give them what she couldnt give me. and i know that person will be the luckyest person to live because she holds so much inside her, she holds so much love in her. and she makes everyone smile. and ill still smile when i think of her, because i know that i will always love her. and i know that i had the best time i have ever had with her. and i know that she made me feel so loved, and so high on top of the world that nothing ever could really bring me crashing to the earth while i was with her.
im sorry sarah i know this will probibly scare you when you read this to actualy know how im feeling, but i need you to know that no one will love you like i love you, you wont find anyone else like me in the world but maybe im not what you were looking for. maybe you dont want love right now. or maybe you do and im just not it. but you were it and you are it. you are love. my love. forever. and ill never forget a momnet ill never forget a kiss. ill never forget a word. ill never forget you. and i want you to know i'll always be here for you but only if you want me here. and that i will always love you no matter where you are or where you go. remember ill be thinking of you.
im sorry everyone. i just have kept this all inside and it just needed to come out before i lost it. i also want to say im not complaining about anything im not trying to get attention i just needed to let it out and i needed to let everyone know how i feel because i havent been truthfull with everyone, i tell you guys ill be fine and that things are fine but they really arent. i love everyone and i want to say thanks. ill update more about the moving deal when i make up my mind and when i find out if i can.
im sorry sarah i know this will probibly scare you when you read this to actualy know how im feeling, but i need you to know that no one will love you like i love you, you wont find anyone else like me in the world but maybe im not what you were looking for. maybe you dont want love right now. or maybe you do and im just not it. but you were it and you are it. you are love. my love. forever. and ill never forget a momnet ill never forget a kiss. ill never forget a word. ill never forget you. and i want you to know i'll always be here for you but only if you want me here. and that i will always love you no matter where you are or where you go. remember ill be thinking of you.
im sorry everyone. i just have kept this all inside and it just needed to come out before i lost it. i also want to say im not complaining about anything im not trying to get attention i just needed to let it out and i needed to let everyone know how i feel because i havent been truthfull with everyone, i tell you guys ill be fine and that things are fine but they really arent. i love everyone and i want to say thanks. ill update more about the moving deal when i make up my mind and when i find out if i can.