Books and their covers
I got a haircut yesterday. First time since January, so I had about two inches of growth I wanted chopped off. But, as my hair wasn't quite three inches total, trying to convince a hairstylist to abide by my wishes was harder than it should have been.
Yes, there is a very large part of me that wanted to walk out the door and tell the woman arguing that my desired style was "too harsh" and "too masculine" to shove her gender bias up her ass. The problem is, that's the only place in town where I can afford to get my hair cut. And since I go 4 months in between cuts as it is, you might imagine that something like this is actually a budget issue for me.
So I ground my teeth together and tried to explain that I have no fear of appearing "masculine" or "harsh," and to please just cut off my damn hair. She eventually got close to the length I desired, close enough that I was tired of arguing, especially considering that it was nearing my daughter's wake-up time and I wanted to get home. So fine, thank you, I'm done. It's cute; my husband called it "punky," and I'm sure it will look better with a fresh coat of dye.
And that's what this post is really about--the dye. Said hairstylist started a conversation with me while I was in her chair, all about how she "used to be just like [me]," with wildly colored hair and an attitude to match. But then she had a kid. And when her son came home from preschool and told her to wear a hat when she dropped him off so his friends wouldn't see her hair, she knew it was time to "grow up" and go brunette.
I try very hard to not lecture other parents on their decisions, even if I wildly disagree with them. The same courtesy is rarely extended to me, however, and this was again the case as this woman then went on at length to tell me how I'd better normalize before my daughter enters school, or I'm a bad parent.
Really? You want to talk about bad parents? Okay, let's look at her decision: Her child said his friends were making fun of her hair color, so she changes it to stop the teasing. What lesson has she taught her child? She's taught him to be ashamed of being different. She's taught them that if someone doesn't like you for a superficial reason, you should change yourself to please them. She's taught him that it's okay to judge and insult someone based on their appearance. Well those are all fabulous lessons if you wish to raise another drone, a cookie-cutter kid who will never question the status quo or think independantly from the mob. But that's not what I want for my daughter.
If my daughter were to come to me and ask me to change myself because her friends made fun of me, it wouldn't be time for a dye job; it would be time for a serious discussion. I'd explain to her that no one has the right to judge another human being based on their appearance, and that anyone who does isn't worth listening to. I'd explain to her that it doesn't hurt me if people make fun of me, because I know those opinions don't matter, and I'd tell her to not let it hurt her, either. I'd explain to her that it's okay to be different, even if it's difficult sometimes. And I'd teach her that the best response to someone who would mock you for your appearance is to remain true to yourself and not change a damn thing about yourself in order to please them. Would her life be a little harder than the hairstylist's kid's? Probably. But she'd come out much better for it.
What if your child came home and said, "Mommy, the other kids make fun of you because you wear jeans and sneakers! They say you're like a man!"? Would you wear nothing but skirts and spiked heels? What if a child was ashamed of a parent for looking too ethnic? Should they disguise their skin color with makeup and wear hats, sunglasses, or veils to disguise their ethnic features? Or do you teach your child that appearances aren't the end-all and be-all of the universe?
If someone else wishes to make their life easier by "fitting in," that's their perogative. But they have no right to tell me that I must do the same, lest I traumatize my child. I think I'm helping my daughter learn a very important lesson from day one--appearances are only skin deep, it's the person underneath that matters. There are far too many adults in this world who still don't acknowledge this simple truth, and I'll be damned if I'll add my child to the list.
Yes, there is a very large part of me that wanted to walk out the door and tell the woman arguing that my desired style was "too harsh" and "too masculine" to shove her gender bias up her ass. The problem is, that's the only place in town where I can afford to get my hair cut. And since I go 4 months in between cuts as it is, you might imagine that something like this is actually a budget issue for me.
So I ground my teeth together and tried to explain that I have no fear of appearing "masculine" or "harsh," and to please just cut off my damn hair. She eventually got close to the length I desired, close enough that I was tired of arguing, especially considering that it was nearing my daughter's wake-up time and I wanted to get home. So fine, thank you, I'm done. It's cute; my husband called it "punky," and I'm sure it will look better with a fresh coat of dye.
And that's what this post is really about--the dye. Said hairstylist started a conversation with me while I was in her chair, all about how she "used to be just like [me]," with wildly colored hair and an attitude to match. But then she had a kid. And when her son came home from preschool and told her to wear a hat when she dropped him off so his friends wouldn't see her hair, she knew it was time to "grow up" and go brunette.
I try very hard to not lecture other parents on their decisions, even if I wildly disagree with them. The same courtesy is rarely extended to me, however, and this was again the case as this woman then went on at length to tell me how I'd better normalize before my daughter enters school, or I'm a bad parent.
Really? You want to talk about bad parents? Okay, let's look at her decision: Her child said his friends were making fun of her hair color, so she changes it to stop the teasing. What lesson has she taught her child? She's taught him to be ashamed of being different. She's taught them that if someone doesn't like you for a superficial reason, you should change yourself to please them. She's taught him that it's okay to judge and insult someone based on their appearance. Well those are all fabulous lessons if you wish to raise another drone, a cookie-cutter kid who will never question the status quo or think independantly from the mob. But that's not what I want for my daughter.
If my daughter were to come to me and ask me to change myself because her friends made fun of me, it wouldn't be time for a dye job; it would be time for a serious discussion. I'd explain to her that no one has the right to judge another human being based on their appearance, and that anyone who does isn't worth listening to. I'd explain to her that it doesn't hurt me if people make fun of me, because I know those opinions don't matter, and I'd tell her to not let it hurt her, either. I'd explain to her that it's okay to be different, even if it's difficult sometimes. And I'd teach her that the best response to someone who would mock you for your appearance is to remain true to yourself and not change a damn thing about yourself in order to please them. Would her life be a little harder than the hairstylist's kid's? Probably. But she'd come out much better for it.
What if your child came home and said, "Mommy, the other kids make fun of you because you wear jeans and sneakers! They say you're like a man!"? Would you wear nothing but skirts and spiked heels? What if a child was ashamed of a parent for looking too ethnic? Should they disguise their skin color with makeup and wear hats, sunglasses, or veils to disguise their ethnic features? Or do you teach your child that appearances aren't the end-all and be-all of the universe?
If someone else wishes to make their life easier by "fitting in," that's their perogative. But they have no right to tell me that I must do the same, lest I traumatize my child. I think I'm helping my daughter learn a very important lesson from day one--appearances are only skin deep, it's the person underneath that matters. There are far too many adults in this world who still don't acknowledge this simple truth, and I'll be damned if I'll add my child to the list.