Springtime and returning to self
I have been in a fantastic mood and mindset lately, and I owe it entirely to livejournal. That is, I owe LJ for allowing me to meet so many wonderful people, who absolutely yanked me right out of the dumps when I started feeling very down recently. Affection, support, and even gifts, I am so touched by how great my friends have been. And it means so much to me that there are other people who feel the way that I do, and who appreciate the value of a relationship that can be built over this "series of tubes." I wish I had the money and time to visit everyone, but it's simply not possible. I'm so glad that even without my physical presence, my friends still value me as much as I value them. I truly think I have the most amazing friends ever.
All of the pick-me-ups coming my way recently have really helped me shove myself back into a more optimistic mindset. So often lately I've become moody, cranky, and downright miserable, and that is not anything like the person I really am. I'm not "perky," I don't think, but several people throughout my life have referred to me as "effervescent," and commented on my contagious enthusiasm and excitability. I feel so alien to myself when I lose track of that. Lately I've been finding it again, and it's so marvelous to feel more like myself.
I'm learning to approach obstacles in a healthier fashion again, which is something I always lose when I become depressed. I start feeling like the entire world is conspiring against me, and I have no reason to even attempt anything. I may not be able to move mountains, but I'm chipping away at some stones now, and I feel like I might actually be able to make a dent in some of the daunting tasks ahead of me.
March is usually an up-and-down month for me, but for the first time in a while, I feel like I'm ready to tackle it. The coming of Spring is always a great cause of celebration in my household, but my estranged sister's birthday falls right after the Equinox, and it's a painful reminder of past wounds and false promises. (It's made no better by my inability to just ignore the date - she shares her birthday with my brother-in-law, so I have no choice but to recognize it.) We've had beautiful weather these past two days (though I would have appreciated a bit more sun) and I made a point to take my daughter out both yesterday and today. Just walking in the breeze made me feel so exhilarated.
I'm looking forward to a permanent wave of pleasant weather, so I can rake up remaining leaves from last fall, and watch the green shoots begin to sprout in my yard. I have a gigantic American Sycamore in my backyard - the largest tree in the neighborhood! - and I love to watch those Jurassic leaves start to sprout. This year I also hope to start a vegetable garden. My green thumb has waned a bit since childhood, but bringing in any sort of crop grown with my own hands will bring me delicious satisfaction.
Always fond of staring out the window, my daughter has now almost permanently camped in front of it, as if she knows Spring is coming, and she hopes to catch the first flower when it blooms. I know she's as excited for the coming season as I am.
I'm hoping that this year the weather will permit me to have a proper welcoming celebration for the Equinox, filled with outside activities and fantastic picnic food. It's a major goal of mine to stop letting circumstances get between me and my time with Nature. I need that connection to feel alive, and I'm going to bask in the sunshine as much as humanly possible this year. I'd love to have a hammock or cushioned swing I could set up under my tree canopy, to read books in the shade during the summer. Maybe I'll actually work to save for that this year. I don't give myself enough pure leisure time, and I never spend money selfishly. But something like that would be such a boost for my spirit, I think it would be worth it.
I hope everyone is receiving the same sort of weather blessing I'm enjoying right now, and I will say a special prayer for all of you when I celebrate the coming of Spring.
All of the pick-me-ups coming my way recently have really helped me shove myself back into a more optimistic mindset. So often lately I've become moody, cranky, and downright miserable, and that is not anything like the person I really am. I'm not "perky," I don't think, but several people throughout my life have referred to me as "effervescent," and commented on my contagious enthusiasm and excitability. I feel so alien to myself when I lose track of that. Lately I've been finding it again, and it's so marvelous to feel more like myself.
I'm learning to approach obstacles in a healthier fashion again, which is something I always lose when I become depressed. I start feeling like the entire world is conspiring against me, and I have no reason to even attempt anything. I may not be able to move mountains, but I'm chipping away at some stones now, and I feel like I might actually be able to make a dent in some of the daunting tasks ahead of me.
March is usually an up-and-down month for me, but for the first time in a while, I feel like I'm ready to tackle it. The coming of Spring is always a great cause of celebration in my household, but my estranged sister's birthday falls right after the Equinox, and it's a painful reminder of past wounds and false promises. (It's made no better by my inability to just ignore the date - she shares her birthday with my brother-in-law, so I have no choice but to recognize it.) We've had beautiful weather these past two days (though I would have appreciated a bit more sun) and I made a point to take my daughter out both yesterday and today. Just walking in the breeze made me feel so exhilarated.
I'm looking forward to a permanent wave of pleasant weather, so I can rake up remaining leaves from last fall, and watch the green shoots begin to sprout in my yard. I have a gigantic American Sycamore in my backyard - the largest tree in the neighborhood! - and I love to watch those Jurassic leaves start to sprout. This year I also hope to start a vegetable garden. My green thumb has waned a bit since childhood, but bringing in any sort of crop grown with my own hands will bring me delicious satisfaction.
Always fond of staring out the window, my daughter has now almost permanently camped in front of it, as if she knows Spring is coming, and she hopes to catch the first flower when it blooms. I know she's as excited for the coming season as I am.
I'm hoping that this year the weather will permit me to have a proper welcoming celebration for the Equinox, filled with outside activities and fantastic picnic food. It's a major goal of mine to stop letting circumstances get between me and my time with Nature. I need that connection to feel alive, and I'm going to bask in the sunshine as much as humanly possible this year. I'd love to have a hammock or cushioned swing I could set up under my tree canopy, to read books in the shade during the summer. Maybe I'll actually work to save for that this year. I don't give myself enough pure leisure time, and I never spend money selfishly. But something like that would be such a boost for my spirit, I think it would be worth it.
I hope everyone is receiving the same sort of weather blessing I'm enjoying right now, and I will say a special prayer for all of you when I celebrate the coming of Spring.