Just because you were hurt, doesn't mean you shouldn't bleed...
There's absolutely nothing worse in this world than losing someone you love. Believe me when I tell you that. But if there's one thing I've learned from being away, its that who we are as a person is defined by the people we choose to be in our lives. And sometimes, as much as it hurts, you have to let go. You have to let go of your past in order to have any hope for a future. Sometimes moving outside of a comfort-zone is the only way to figure out who you really are. And that's something most people spend there entire lives trying to accomplish.
Sometimes I wish I was back in Massapequa. I never realized how easy life was back then. I find myself laying in bed at 4:00 in the morning, wishing I could be the person I used to be. Not even a year has passed since I've come here, but it feels likes a lifetime. Its amazing how day by day nothing seems to change, but then you look back and everythings different. I know this is for the best. It just wasn't working anymore. But I'm terrified. I lost the one person in my life who I loved the most...when you take that away, what's left? I just don't know how to be alone. I feel like by losing someone I love, I've lost the things I love about myself. I don't even know who I am anymore. I just keep remembering who I used to be, and it kills me because I know that I'm not that girl anymore. And I'm not sure I like this version of myself.
You can look at a person and think you know exactly who they are, but no one really knows what's in someone's heart. That's why its what we put out into the world that counts. And sometimes its hard to take who you are on the inside, and just own it no matter what. I feel like everyone is just so fake, it's impossible to know what to see and who to believe. There's no one to trust. It's impossible to be who you are, above everything else, when you feel so tied down by who the rest of the world wants you to be.
You changed. You're not the same person you used to be. You may sound like him, you may look like him, but you're not him. And that's something that I cannot control or change. The only thing I can do to control the situation is to remove myself from it. Maybe you can't understand that right now, but one day you will. One day you will, and you'll wish that you had said or done something differently. You'll stop blaming me for moving on with the small piece of my life thats still mine, and wish instead that we could have kept making one together.
I take what I said back. The worst thing in this world isn't losing someone you love. It's the single moment in time when you realize that they will never again be yours.
Sometimes I wish I was back in Massapequa. I never realized how easy life was back then. I find myself laying in bed at 4:00 in the morning, wishing I could be the person I used to be. Not even a year has passed since I've come here, but it feels likes a lifetime. Its amazing how day by day nothing seems to change, but then you look back and everythings different. I know this is for the best. It just wasn't working anymore. But I'm terrified. I lost the one person in my life who I loved the most...when you take that away, what's left? I just don't know how to be alone. I feel like by losing someone I love, I've lost the things I love about myself. I don't even know who I am anymore. I just keep remembering who I used to be, and it kills me because I know that I'm not that girl anymore. And I'm not sure I like this version of myself.
You can look at a person and think you know exactly who they are, but no one really knows what's in someone's heart. That's why its what we put out into the world that counts. And sometimes its hard to take who you are on the inside, and just own it no matter what. I feel like everyone is just so fake, it's impossible to know what to see and who to believe. There's no one to trust. It's impossible to be who you are, above everything else, when you feel so tied down by who the rest of the world wants you to be.
You changed. You're not the same person you used to be. You may sound like him, you may look like him, but you're not him. And that's something that I cannot control or change. The only thing I can do to control the situation is to remove myself from it. Maybe you can't understand that right now, but one day you will. One day you will, and you'll wish that you had said or done something differently. You'll stop blaming me for moving on with the small piece of my life thats still mine, and wish instead that we could have kept making one together.
I take what I said back. The worst thing in this world isn't losing someone you love. It's the single moment in time when you realize that they will never again be yours.