(no subject)
the city is a vast ghost.
i sometimes would daydream about living in new york, endeavoring the highs and lows of living in a vibrant city surrounding. the experiences i've had are not quite what i'd expected.
i wish i could tell you how it feels like i am always trudging towards something new and exciting. i wish there was always an adventure each day. but it is not that; in fact it's quite opposite.
the city has made me lonely. sometimes, i'll spend my nights sitting at my desk while all my friends are out partying about. i've no urge to do any of that. i think i'm slowly enjoying spending time at home.
in a literal sense, the loneliness isn't as harmful. many people live their lives by themselves all the time. i guess i take part in sharing in that loneliness with them with invitation.
but in a sense that has to do with my inner emotional state, the loneliness could not be so good. i can't explain to you how it must feel to look up at the dark sky and know that millions of people are living and moving around you in that moment. it makes one feel quite small and insignificant. soon, i've felt it hard to even deal with my social life with others. every moment has become too awkward and because of that, i've slipped into an antisocial slum.
but am i really being antisocial, and if so, does it mean it's bad? i've read once that the antisocial people are just the ones who would rather not pretend. i would agree. after all, wasn't it shakespeare who said that this world is a stage? it very much is. an act, a facade. and frankly...i just don't want to be a part of it sometimes--er most of the time.
real life is hard, and you have to be realistic. not bent on cheesy sayings with cliche outlooks that get you through the day. a reversal of life is what people need to get themselves kicked into the right direction. that is how i felt. and this was my response.
so what has new york done to me? it has grown me up. and quickly, i would add. but whoever knew of a plant that thrived within a locked chamber? how can someone confined to the indoors with just his thoughts suddenly know everything there is to know about this present time? well, that person doesn't..simply stated. i know i've not arrived, and i think it seems i still have a long way to go.
so here are the ramblings of a 25 year old nyc dweller trying to deal with what seems like a quarter life crisis. haha.....i think i'll take it.
i sometimes would daydream about living in new york, endeavoring the highs and lows of living in a vibrant city surrounding. the experiences i've had are not quite what i'd expected.
i wish i could tell you how it feels like i am always trudging towards something new and exciting. i wish there was always an adventure each day. but it is not that; in fact it's quite opposite.
the city has made me lonely. sometimes, i'll spend my nights sitting at my desk while all my friends are out partying about. i've no urge to do any of that. i think i'm slowly enjoying spending time at home.
in a literal sense, the loneliness isn't as harmful. many people live their lives by themselves all the time. i guess i take part in sharing in that loneliness with them with invitation.
but in a sense that has to do with my inner emotional state, the loneliness could not be so good. i can't explain to you how it must feel to look up at the dark sky and know that millions of people are living and moving around you in that moment. it makes one feel quite small and insignificant. soon, i've felt it hard to even deal with my social life with others. every moment has become too awkward and because of that, i've slipped into an antisocial slum.
but am i really being antisocial, and if so, does it mean it's bad? i've read once that the antisocial people are just the ones who would rather not pretend. i would agree. after all, wasn't it shakespeare who said that this world is a stage? it very much is. an act, a facade. and frankly...i just don't want to be a part of it sometimes--er most of the time.
real life is hard, and you have to be realistic. not bent on cheesy sayings with cliche outlooks that get you through the day. a reversal of life is what people need to get themselves kicked into the right direction. that is how i felt. and this was my response.
so what has new york done to me? it has grown me up. and quickly, i would add. but whoever knew of a plant that thrived within a locked chamber? how can someone confined to the indoors with just his thoughts suddenly know everything there is to know about this present time? well, that person doesn't..simply stated. i know i've not arrived, and i think it seems i still have a long way to go.
so here are the ramblings of a 25 year old nyc dweller trying to deal with what seems like a quarter life crisis. haha.....i think i'll take it.