Stacy's Mom
I took Thor and his friend, we'll call him Romeo, bowling today. I am very glad my mother went with us, if only as witness to the fact that an 8-year-old was 100% trying to date me.
It started when we picked him up, and even though he is almost a full 2 years older than Thor (Thor being the youngest in his class, and Romeo having repeated the grade), him asking me to buckle his seat belt for him. When I leaned over to do it, he sniffed my hair. That was cute.
While we were driving, he and Thor started making up super-hero stories. Romeo wanted to add in a girl, and Thor said no. Romeo insisted. He wanted a girlfriend for his character. "Your mom can be her," he said. "No," Thor shook his head, "That won't work. No girls in this story."
My mother and I looked at each other and laughed.
We went to McDonald's, and I offered to set the boys up at their own table. Thor was keen. Romeo leaned into my hip and said, "No, I want to sit with you." I sat them on one side of the booth, and perched next to my mother, while they ate. When they took off to play, I switched sides. When I had to go break up some too-rough play, Romeo told me he wanted to play King and Princess, and I would be his girlfriend. I told him I was going to play "Mama, and go sit back over at the table."
"Someone has a crush," I told my mom. "Reminds me of babysitting the Gray boys."
Right about that time, Romeo came running over to the table (and I had been pretending to be mission control Spy-girl to their Spy action game) and told me he was an alien, and he was going to destroy Thor. I told him I was the Alien Queen and I wouldn't let him do that. He responded, "Cool! I'm the Alien King, you're my girlfriend Queen, and you'll do as I say." My mother's jaw dropped.
He ran over to Thor and told him the same. Thor blanched and shook his head. "No, dude," he said. "That's my Mama, and that's gross."
It was time to head to the bowling alley.
In the car, Romeo started quizzing me on which superheroes had girlfriends.
R: Who is Iron Man's girlfriend?
Me: Pepper Potts.
R: Okay. I'll be Iron Man, and you'll be Pepper Potts.
Me: Er...You know who my favorite super hero is? Spider-Man.
Thor: Cool! Mine too.
Me: He is awesome because--
R: Who is his girlfriend?
Me: Uh...MaryJane--
R: I'll be him, and you'll be MaryJane.
Me: I can't be MaryJane. I'm going to be Wonder Woman!
Thor: She's got a lasso of truth! And an invisible plane! She's so cool!
R: Who is her boyfriend?
Me: She doesn't have one.
R: Oh. Okay, then you'll be Pepper Potts.
Me: ...
My mother couldn't breathe for trying not to laugh. Thor was getting irritated that his friend kept bringing it back to relationships. He's The Hulk, you know. And The Hulk is doomed to life alone.
Romeo made up a story about Iron Man and Pepper Potts, and Hawkeye and Black Widow, in which all the couples get married. Then he asked me, "Which guy in the story would you marry, so I know which one to be?" I said, "I think I better stay married to Thor's Daddy." Romeo did NOT LIKE that answer. "WHICH STORY GUY WOULD YOU MARRY?" He insisted, in all caps. "Which of the hero guys?"
I told him none of them because their jobs were too dangerous. I just liked being married to Thor's Daddy. Then he started quizzing me on where Bryan was. Why wasn't he with us?
I changed the subject and whipped into the bowling alley parking lot. He wanted to hold my hand, and hug me, and hang on me. So did Thor, but that's the norm. On the way home, when I leaned to buckle him into the car, Romeo totally tried to look down my shirt. I fooled him by having on a tank top underneath. No boobies for him!
Romeo also asked me about my boyfriend history on the way home. I finally just said, "Romeo, do you have a girlfriend?" And he said, "No. I don't think I'm old enough for that yet." I agreed. Thor sighed, "I guess I don't have a girlfriend anymore. K and I don't play together anymore. But that's all right." I agreed again. Romeo said, "I don't even like girls yet." My mother snorted.
When I was letting Romeo out of the car, he hugged me, hooked his chin into my top and tried to nestle/bury his face/take a gander down my cleavage. I got him out post haste, delivered him to his family and thought, "Thank god I didn't invite him to come sleep over!"
It started when we picked him up, and even though he is almost a full 2 years older than Thor (Thor being the youngest in his class, and Romeo having repeated the grade), him asking me to buckle his seat belt for him. When I leaned over to do it, he sniffed my hair. That was cute.
While we were driving, he and Thor started making up super-hero stories. Romeo wanted to add in a girl, and Thor said no. Romeo insisted. He wanted a girlfriend for his character. "Your mom can be her," he said. "No," Thor shook his head, "That won't work. No girls in this story."
My mother and I looked at each other and laughed.
We went to McDonald's, and I offered to set the boys up at their own table. Thor was keen. Romeo leaned into my hip and said, "No, I want to sit with you." I sat them on one side of the booth, and perched next to my mother, while they ate. When they took off to play, I switched sides. When I had to go break up some too-rough play, Romeo told me he wanted to play King and Princess, and I would be his girlfriend. I told him I was going to play "Mama, and go sit back over at the table."
"Someone has a crush," I told my mom. "Reminds me of babysitting the Gray boys."
Right about that time, Romeo came running over to the table (and I had been pretending to be mission control Spy-girl to their Spy action game) and told me he was an alien, and he was going to destroy Thor. I told him I was the Alien Queen and I wouldn't let him do that. He responded, "Cool! I'm the Alien King, you're my girlfriend Queen, and you'll do as I say." My mother's jaw dropped.
He ran over to Thor and told him the same. Thor blanched and shook his head. "No, dude," he said. "That's my Mama, and that's gross."
It was time to head to the bowling alley.
In the car, Romeo started quizzing me on which superheroes had girlfriends.
R: Who is Iron Man's girlfriend?
Me: Pepper Potts.
R: Okay. I'll be Iron Man, and you'll be Pepper Potts.
Me: Er...You know who my favorite super hero is? Spider-Man.
Thor: Cool! Mine too.
Me: He is awesome because--
R: Who is his girlfriend?
Me: Uh...MaryJane--
R: I'll be him, and you'll be MaryJane.
Me: I can't be MaryJane. I'm going to be Wonder Woman!
Thor: She's got a lasso of truth! And an invisible plane! She's so cool!
R: Who is her boyfriend?
Me: She doesn't have one.
R: Oh. Okay, then you'll be Pepper Potts.
Me: ...
My mother couldn't breathe for trying not to laugh. Thor was getting irritated that his friend kept bringing it back to relationships. He's The Hulk, you know. And The Hulk is doomed to life alone.
Romeo made up a story about Iron Man and Pepper Potts, and Hawkeye and Black Widow, in which all the couples get married. Then he asked me, "Which guy in the story would you marry, so I know which one to be?" I said, "I think I better stay married to Thor's Daddy." Romeo did NOT LIKE that answer. "WHICH STORY GUY WOULD YOU MARRY?" He insisted, in all caps. "Which of the hero guys?"
I told him none of them because their jobs were too dangerous. I just liked being married to Thor's Daddy. Then he started quizzing me on where Bryan was. Why wasn't he with us?
I changed the subject and whipped into the bowling alley parking lot. He wanted to hold my hand, and hug me, and hang on me. So did Thor, but that's the norm. On the way home, when I leaned to buckle him into the car, Romeo totally tried to look down my shirt. I fooled him by having on a tank top underneath. No boobies for him!
Romeo also asked me about my boyfriend history on the way home. I finally just said, "Romeo, do you have a girlfriend?" And he said, "No. I don't think I'm old enough for that yet." I agreed. Thor sighed, "I guess I don't have a girlfriend anymore. K and I don't play together anymore. But that's all right." I agreed again. Romeo said, "I don't even like girls yet." My mother snorted.
When I was letting Romeo out of the car, he hugged me, hooked his chin into my top and tried to nestle/bury his face/take a gander down my cleavage. I got him out post haste, delivered him to his family and thought, "Thank god I didn't invite him to come sleep over!"