Choosing a 'skinny' muffin.
Morning Cretins. How are we? To be honest, I really don't care. Have you not noticed how fucking cold it is outside? No more pleasantries from me. I care not for your welfare. In this weather, it's a free for all. Take me for example - on my way to work this morning, I successfully lured a rogue group of kangaroos towards me with a fish finger, or whatever I had in my pocket. As they gasped with pleasure, I proceeded to club them to death with my Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles mug and then skinned them. Due to the vicious cold, I am now wearing their skins and eating their young. And putting strange, strange objects in their bottoms.
I am going to continue a rant that I started yesterday about coffee shops. It got me in a bit of trouble and I was willing to stop last night...but getting the tube today reminded me of all the dickheads that I just can't stand. Don't get me wrong, I think there are some people who use coffee shops genuinely. However, the people that I hate are the following:
*people who go in there with laptops, effectively doing nothing but tapping a few keys on their sodding Apple Notebooks
*people who, having gone into a Starbucks and now know the names of 5 types of coffee, think that they are experts
*kids (mainly girls, may I point out) who go in there because they're not old enough to get into a pub and think it's a good place to socialise
*woman aged 25-40 who go in and order their coffee and try to make out they're in a hurry
There's a small list of the people I hate in there. Saying that, I've just remembered another type that I hate. Media types! I work in Soho so it's a fucking overpopulated area of London in regards to media types. Arty bastards, acting bastards, production bastards, music industry bastards (me! me!...oh...hang on...), all the dickheads under the sun. Now, there's a starbucks virtually opposite my work. I won't lie, I occasionally go in there. Alas, only because I'm a greedy fucker and I like their cheesecake. Let it be known that I have never bought a coffee in there. And never will. Anyway, when you see one of the various dickhead types listed above go in there and order a coffee, I can't help but laugh. These are people that will probably carry a coffee just to be seen carrying a coffee. You know? AND THEY GET IT FROM STARBUCKS. Surely for people in production or another media type to get their coffee from Starbucks is the wage equivalent of the Queen shopping at Tesco? If they do truly love coffee so much, why not go to somewhere better?
OH I HATE PEOPLE WITH THEIR COFFEE CUP THINGS. A prime example of people who carry coffee for the sake of carrying coffee are on public transport. Mainly the tube, that is. The tube is too shaky to drink the coffee...so why board it with a coffee in your hand? Can it REALLY not wait until they get off at their destination? Considering that there are probably Starbucks branches IN Starbucks branches, it's not like these people won't be able to find a Starbucks or equally pretentious coffee shop at their eventual destination. And you know who is most guilty of this? That bloody group of women 25-40. These are type that you will overhear moaning to their friends on the tube about how they "just neeeeeeed caffeine". Do they not realise that I can see that they're drab enough to probably just be doing the same old 9-5 that 99% of the office working population do? Why do they need caffeine? Is it hard to stay awake for those 7 working hours? Late night watching Bridget Jones' Diary alone with a bottle of wine, was it? Needing that high to come to terms with the fact that they're life really is very unexciting and that the trip into work is probably as thrilling as it gets as it's the roulette of whether or not you'll get a seat? Hey! They could cheer themselves up with choosing a 'skinny' muffin when they finally do get their coffee! Oh yes! They just NEED that caffeine.
Anyway, I think I've pretty much got the majority of that out of my system. I like that. Getting troubles off my chest...and putting them onto other people's. Let me just clear this up though. I know there are some people who use coffee houses genuinely. People who can appreciate the differences, people who really use the atmosphere to get things done, whatever. It's all the other wankers who suddenly seem educated/mature/whatever that anger me beyond belief. There can't be any other type of building down the street that has allowed so many people to suddenly think that they are experts in a certain field. You don't leave Ikea thinking that you're an interior decorator, why do so many people leave Starbucks thinking that they're coffee...er...professors?
I'm actually irritating myself now so I'm going to shut up. So, Christmas soon eh? Are we all excited? What have you bastards got me? Er...I should probably do some work. Anyone who reads this, leave a comment. I want to see who agrees with me about coffee wankers.
I am going to continue a rant that I started yesterday about coffee shops. It got me in a bit of trouble and I was willing to stop last night...but getting the tube today reminded me of all the dickheads that I just can't stand. Don't get me wrong, I think there are some people who use coffee shops genuinely. However, the people that I hate are the following:
*people who go in there with laptops, effectively doing nothing but tapping a few keys on their sodding Apple Notebooks
*people who, having gone into a Starbucks and now know the names of 5 types of coffee, think that they are experts
*kids (mainly girls, may I point out) who go in there because they're not old enough to get into a pub and think it's a good place to socialise
*woman aged 25-40 who go in and order their coffee and try to make out they're in a hurry
There's a small list of the people I hate in there. Saying that, I've just remembered another type that I hate. Media types! I work in Soho so it's a fucking overpopulated area of London in regards to media types. Arty bastards, acting bastards, production bastards, music industry bastards (me! me!...oh...hang on...), all the dickheads under the sun. Now, there's a starbucks virtually opposite my work. I won't lie, I occasionally go in there. Alas, only because I'm a greedy fucker and I like their cheesecake. Let it be known that I have never bought a coffee in there. And never will. Anyway, when you see one of the various dickhead types listed above go in there and order a coffee, I can't help but laugh. These are people that will probably carry a coffee just to be seen carrying a coffee. You know? AND THEY GET IT FROM STARBUCKS. Surely for people in production or another media type to get their coffee from Starbucks is the wage equivalent of the Queen shopping at Tesco? If they do truly love coffee so much, why not go to somewhere better?
OH I HATE PEOPLE WITH THEIR COFFEE CUP THINGS. A prime example of people who carry coffee for the sake of carrying coffee are on public transport. Mainly the tube, that is. The tube is too shaky to drink the coffee...so why board it with a coffee in your hand? Can it REALLY not wait until they get off at their destination? Considering that there are probably Starbucks branches IN Starbucks branches, it's not like these people won't be able to find a Starbucks or equally pretentious coffee shop at their eventual destination. And you know who is most guilty of this? That bloody group of women 25-40. These are type that you will overhear moaning to their friends on the tube about how they "just neeeeeeed caffeine". Do they not realise that I can see that they're drab enough to probably just be doing the same old 9-5 that 99% of the office working population do? Why do they need caffeine? Is it hard to stay awake for those 7 working hours? Late night watching Bridget Jones' Diary alone with a bottle of wine, was it? Needing that high to come to terms with the fact that they're life really is very unexciting and that the trip into work is probably as thrilling as it gets as it's the roulette of whether or not you'll get a seat? Hey! They could cheer themselves up with choosing a 'skinny' muffin when they finally do get their coffee! Oh yes! They just NEED that caffeine.
Anyway, I think I've pretty much got the majority of that out of my system. I like that. Getting troubles off my chest...and putting them onto other people's. Let me just clear this up though. I know there are some people who use coffee houses genuinely. People who can appreciate the differences, people who really use the atmosphere to get things done, whatever. It's all the other wankers who suddenly seem educated/mature/whatever that anger me beyond belief. There can't be any other type of building down the street that has allowed so many people to suddenly think that they are experts in a certain field. You don't leave Ikea thinking that you're an interior decorator, why do so many people leave Starbucks thinking that they're coffee...er...professors?
I'm actually irritating myself now so I'm going to shut up. So, Christmas soon eh? Are we all excited? What have you bastards got me? Er...I should probably do some work. Anyone who reads this, leave a comment. I want to see who agrees with me about coffee wankers.