deep breaths don't seem to cut it
I trust everyone had a lovely mother's day, either as a mom, with a mom or ignoring a mom? Mine was lovely, I had a good long chat with my mom and spent quality time with The Boy and C.
Okay then, damnit, my attempts at being cheery are not working. I got a crappy e-mail pissing me off first thing this morning. I've been more down than up the last couple of weeks. All stressed out and not sleeping, one contributing to the other till a body feels like death warmed over.
It's two things, the ex being difficult about letting The Boy go to choir camp over the summer is the main one. As of right now I've paid for camp and the flight for the first part of summer break so The Boy can get down for visitation and back so I can take him to camp. I don't have the money for the flight after camp so he can continue visitation at his dads right now and told the ex as much. This morning in my in box is an e-mail saying the only way The Boy is going to camp is if I cough up the money for the other ticket right now. (at least that's the way it reads to me)
So, does that mean that that selfish dick of a man is not going to let The Boy go if I don't provide the ticket immediately or what? Also, he's asking for an extra week to his visitation. I'm stressed and sick from it and nearly ready to cry. The original plan I offered was for me to pay for camp and send him the gas money to get The Boy there and back but he said that wouldn't work and gave no reasons why or an alternate solution.
He shot down all other plans I offered without giving reasons or alternatives as well. He told The Boy I wasn't providing any options that were reasonable. He told The Boy that, not me, that he couldn't go to camp and it was essentially my fault. What kind of ass does that? I don't understand why he can't/won't take The Boy to camp.
If he's trying to punish me for something he's missing the point entirely and is only hurting The Boy. I mean, I'm stressed out and it looks like I'm laying out a lot of cash this summer, but shit, it's only money when you get right down to it. The ex is damaging his relationship with The Boy by being this way. I want to shake the man and ask him what the hell he's thinking. That won't get me anywhere though, we've been unable to communicate more than dry facts for years without it devolving into me shouting. (I have no patience and he knows where all my buttons are)
I'm all for the magic solution if any one has it.
The second stressor is money obviously. My car is back at the mechanic, this time for brakes. I'm thinking of sacrificing a chicken in the hopes of it keeping the final bill down. Then of course there's the increase in all my bills I'm worried about. I have no idea what the final totals are going to be like but I can't help but go over the numbers repeatedly with different results. My savings is down to the bone and that makes me nervous too.
It's like, why bother trying since it's all gonna get fucked away anyway. I tell myself I can't do anything but try cos I'm not dead yet and it will get better down the road. I've got the important things; family, my health and a place to live. But in the face of stress and bills and uncertainty it don't mean much.
Maybe I just need a nap to put it all in perspective.
Then there's the little things that don't mean much but I fret over them anyway. Like trying to find the time to keep up with my flist (I like you guys and want to be involved as a friend damnit) or time to finish the eleventy-billion fics I've got going. Or hell, I wanna sit down and get caught up with my comics or the tv shows on the dvr. Mostly, when I get home from work I manage dinner and catching up on the day with my guys then space out with mahjong or solitaire for an hour or so then it's time to try to sleep so I can get up and do it all over again. I'm feeling rather pathetic at the moment if you can't tell.
Anyway, as usual, I have high hopes the week will go well. Hope all of you have a good week too of course. Also, I plan to break 5,000 tweets this week. It's good to have goals don't you agree? :D
This entry was originally posted at http://ranua.dreamwidth.org/10594.html. Please comment there using OpenID.
Okay then, damnit, my attempts at being cheery are not working. I got a crappy e-mail pissing me off first thing this morning. I've been more down than up the last couple of weeks. All stressed out and not sleeping, one contributing to the other till a body feels like death warmed over.
It's two things, the ex being difficult about letting The Boy go to choir camp over the summer is the main one. As of right now I've paid for camp and the flight for the first part of summer break so The Boy can get down for visitation and back so I can take him to camp. I don't have the money for the flight after camp so he can continue visitation at his dads right now and told the ex as much. This morning in my in box is an e-mail saying the only way The Boy is going to camp is if I cough up the money for the other ticket right now. (at least that's the way it reads to me)
So, does that mean that that selfish dick of a man is not going to let The Boy go if I don't provide the ticket immediately or what? Also, he's asking for an extra week to his visitation. I'm stressed and sick from it and nearly ready to cry. The original plan I offered was for me to pay for camp and send him the gas money to get The Boy there and back but he said that wouldn't work and gave no reasons why or an alternate solution.
He shot down all other plans I offered without giving reasons or alternatives as well. He told The Boy I wasn't providing any options that were reasonable. He told The Boy that, not me, that he couldn't go to camp and it was essentially my fault. What kind of ass does that? I don't understand why he can't/won't take The Boy to camp.
If he's trying to punish me for something he's missing the point entirely and is only hurting The Boy. I mean, I'm stressed out and it looks like I'm laying out a lot of cash this summer, but shit, it's only money when you get right down to it. The ex is damaging his relationship with The Boy by being this way. I want to shake the man and ask him what the hell he's thinking. That won't get me anywhere though, we've been unable to communicate more than dry facts for years without it devolving into me shouting. (I have no patience and he knows where all my buttons are)
I'm all for the magic solution if any one has it.
The second stressor is money obviously. My car is back at the mechanic, this time for brakes. I'm thinking of sacrificing a chicken in the hopes of it keeping the final bill down. Then of course there's the increase in all my bills I'm worried about. I have no idea what the final totals are going to be like but I can't help but go over the numbers repeatedly with different results. My savings is down to the bone and that makes me nervous too.
It's like, why bother trying since it's all gonna get fucked away anyway. I tell myself I can't do anything but try cos I'm not dead yet and it will get better down the road. I've got the important things; family, my health and a place to live. But in the face of stress and bills and uncertainty it don't mean much.
Maybe I just need a nap to put it all in perspective.
Then there's the little things that don't mean much but I fret over them anyway. Like trying to find the time to keep up with my flist (I like you guys and want to be involved as a friend damnit) or time to finish the eleventy-billion fics I've got going. Or hell, I wanna sit down and get caught up with my comics or the tv shows on the dvr. Mostly, when I get home from work I manage dinner and catching up on the day with my guys then space out with mahjong or solitaire for an hour or so then it's time to try to sleep so I can get up and do it all over again. I'm feeling rather pathetic at the moment if you can't tell.
Anyway, as usual, I have high hopes the week will go well. Hope all of you have a good week too of course. Also, I plan to break 5,000 tweets this week. It's good to have goals don't you agree? :D
This entry was originally posted at http://ranua.dreamwidth.org/10594.html. Please comment there using OpenID.