The Reasons It's A Good Thing I Don't Run The Navy...
Parrots would be saluted like officers.
An entire fleet of ships would be devoted to searching for pirate gold.
All subs would be on permanent find Atlantis patrol.
Those squiddies who displease me will have the special task of bringing me silk and spices from the Orient. Of course, the only way to get there involves the discovery of the North-West Passage...
The ones who *really* displease me will be tasked with patroling the boarders of land-locked countries. In their boats.
When given an order, the proper response would be "Yo Ho!"
When you make Captain, you have to loose either a hand, leg or eye. Maybe you'll need to do that to *become* a Captain in the first place.
Pulling into port will officialy be known as "wenching"
New Navy PT test: Navy Summer Whites vs a crack team of highly accurate poo flinging monkeys.
S.E.A.L. training would involve less nighttime beach landings and more bike horns.
Nothing but spinach for food.
royalcrown promoted to Commadore Elvis.
jumpingkitty gets the whip to keep the carriers rowing.
Thrown in the brig? Nothing but Styx's "Come Sail Away" 24/7. Wait make that 12/7 and the other 12 will be Enya's "Sail Away" (boy magusdewynter you doged a bullet there).
At nuke school, you'll be constantly bombarded by all manner of radiations, just to see what happens.
The Marines.... too easy...
Two words: Keel hauling.
All ships would be outfitted with busty mermaids on the bow.
War games: Battleship. With lethal consequences.
Corpsmen would become coremen and have to live miles below the earth's surface.
Dingies.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell to be replaced with the more practical Don't Drop the Soap Unless You Mean It.
Slowly but surely, I'd just turn them into vikings.
An entire fleet of ships would be devoted to searching for pirate gold.
All subs would be on permanent find Atlantis patrol.
Those squiddies who displease me will have the special task of bringing me silk and spices from the Orient. Of course, the only way to get there involves the discovery of the North-West Passage...
The ones who *really* displease me will be tasked with patroling the boarders of land-locked countries. In their boats.
When given an order, the proper response would be "Yo Ho!"
When you make Captain, you have to loose either a hand, leg or eye. Maybe you'll need to do that to *become* a Captain in the first place.
Pulling into port will officialy be known as "wenching"
New Navy PT test: Navy Summer Whites vs a crack team of highly accurate poo flinging monkeys.
S.E.A.L. training would involve less nighttime beach landings and more bike horns.
Nothing but spinach for food.
royalcrown promoted to Commadore Elvis.
jumpingkitty gets the whip to keep the carriers rowing.
Thrown in the brig? Nothing but Styx's "Come Sail Away" 24/7. Wait make that 12/7 and the other 12 will be Enya's "Sail Away" (boy magusdewynter you doged a bullet there).
At nuke school, you'll be constantly bombarded by all manner of radiations, just to see what happens.
The Marines.... too easy...
Two words: Keel hauling.
All ships would be outfitted with busty mermaids on the bow.
War games: Battleship. With lethal consequences.
Corpsmen would become coremen and have to live miles below the earth's surface.
Dingies.
Don't Ask, Don't Tell to be replaced with the more practical Don't Drop the Soap Unless You Mean It.
Slowly but surely, I'd just turn them into vikings.